NeverHurtSoMuch Posted June 29, 2015 Posted June 29, 2015 Hey guys, so here's my story; I'm an 18 year old boy who just graduated high school. Last year I met this girl, and immediately we had chemistry. I had never had a girlfriend before, and she was somewhat shy, so it took around 6 months of progressive flirting before I asked her out in April. For the first 10 months of our relationship, we were inseparable. I told her I loved her on the train only 3 weeks into our relationship, and she said it back. We would text every minute. We would hang out nearly every day, and almost always on both weekend days. In January, she even said to me that she could imagine us spending our lives together. It was absolutely the happiest time of my entire life. Admittedly, we did start neglecting our friends a little bit. Around 10 months into the relationship, she told me she thought we should start to see each other less because she wanted to spend more time with friends. When she said this, I freaked out slightly, as I thought it was the beginning of the end of her feelings of love for me. However, things were still going well until early May of this year. While we were hanging out one day in early May, she was being slightly cold and distant and told me that for around a week she hadn't loved me as much as she did before. Still, she wanted to stay together as she just thought it was a phase. The next month was emotional hell for me. She started saying things that were progressively more and more hurtful, like "everything you say annoys me" and "I would rather hang out with friends than you every single time." Over the course of the month, she broke up with me and then called me a few hours later crying and begging me to come back. We had two or three arguments a week that always ended in tears and promises to make it work. Finally, after graduation, around three weeks ago, she said she was almost certain she didn't want a boyfriend and asked to take a break to think it out. However, just two days into the break, she texted me and told me that she was certain she wanted me in her life and certain that she loved me. Four days after we got back together, she broke up with me saying she was already reverting back to her feelings from before the break. Four days after this breakup, however, she got back together with me saying she was being stupid as she can't decide what she wants and knows its hurting me, but she's decided that she wants to be with me and loves me more than anything Now, as a couple, we had decided last october that we both wanted to continue the relationship in college despite the overwhelming odds against us as both of us were confident in our love for each other. It ended up that our colleges are just 15 miles away from each other, so it would not be terribly difficult to make it work while also pursuing personal growth. A few days after she got back together with me, she told me that she no longer wanted to be a couple in college and instead just wanted to be together this summer and stay in contact during college, but not as a couple. This was crushing to me. Throughout the entire month of fighting and turmoil, I loved her as much as I always have, and I did everything I could to make it work. I told her that I didn't know if I could be in a relationship that has an expiration date, and that I would think it over and tell her my decision. A few days later, I decided that I could be in a relationship this summer, however I would need her to be open to possibly rekindling the relationship in college if we both want to, because we will be so close. She disagreed, saying she would never want to be in a romantic relationship with me again after we break up for college. Then, she broke up with me, saying "this will not work" and things like that. That was last Thursday. It is now Monday of the next week. Over the past few days, especially right after the breakup, I texted her incessantly telling her I love her and want to make it work, and that if she were to want to come back, I would be there for her. I texted her friends, asking them how she was feeling, as i had done that the previous break up to learn she was devastated. This time, her friends told me she was not sad, and in fact was even relieved that the relationship was over. Around 2 days ago she had one of her friends tell me to stop contacting her and her friends, and that there was no hope for our relationship and that it was definitely over. In response, I said I understood and would try to move on. The next day, I went to her house to pick up things that I had left there. She left them on the porch, and I left her a loving, apologetic and thankful letter. This morning, I texted her one final time asking if she had read the letter, and she said that she had, but it had not changed her attitude and that I should stop contacting her because she is "more content than sad about our breakup because she put herself in that mindset." I am absolutely shattered. The girl that I love more than anything, and who I shared so many special moments with, and who told me she loved me just as much back no longer wants to be with me. She is my first love, my everything, my all. It is extremely difficult for me to refrain from texting her, as for some reason I will not let go of a tiny sliver of hope that she will come back to me, despite everything she has said. My question to you guys is, how do I move on? I truly do not think I will feel like this about anyone else again. Should I keep hope? Should I contact her again? What should I do? I am broken.
oldshirt Posted June 29, 2015 Posted June 29, 2015 Hey guys, so here's my story; I'm an 18 year old boy who just graduated high school. Last year I met this girl, and immediately we had chemistry. I had never had a girlfriend before, and she was somewhat shy, so it took around 6 months of progressive flirting before I asked her out in April. For the first 10 months of our relationship, we were inseparable. I told her I loved her on the train only 3 weeks into our relationship, and she said it back. We would text every minute. We would hang out nearly every day, and almost always on both weekend days. In January, she even said to me that she could imagine us spending our lives together. It was absolutely the happiest time of my entire life. Admittedly, we did start neglecting our friends a little bit. Around 10 months into the relationship, she told me she thought we should start to see each other less because she wanted to spend more time with friends. When she said this, I freaked out slightly, as I thought it was the beginning of the end of her feelings of love for me. However, things were still going well until early May of this year. While we were hanging out one day in early May, she was being slightly cold and distant and told me that for around a week she hadn't loved me as much as she did before. Still, she wanted to stay together as she just thought it was a phase. The next month was emotional hell for me. She started saying things that were progressively more and more hurtful, like "everything you say annoys me" and "I would rather hang out with friends than you every single time." Over the course of the month, she broke up with me and then called me a few hours later crying and begging me to come back. We had two or three arguments a week that always ended in tears and promises to make it work. Finally, after graduation, around three weeks ago, she said she was almost certain she didn't want a boyfriend and asked to take a break to think it out. However, just two days into the break, she texted me and told me that she was certain she wanted me in her life and certain that she loved me. Four days after we got back together, she broke up with me saying she was already reverting back to her feelings from before the break. Four days after this breakup, however, she got back together with me saying she was being stupid as she can't decide what she wants and knows its hurting me, but she's decided that she wants to be with me and loves me more than anything Now, as a couple, we had decided last october that we both wanted to continue the relationship in college despite the overwhelming odds against us as both of us were confident in our love for each other. It ended up that our colleges are just 15 miles away from each other, so it would not be terribly difficult to make it work while also pursuing personal growth. A few days after she got back together with me, she told me that she no longer wanted to be a couple in college and instead just wanted to be together this summer and stay in contact during college, but not as a couple. This was crushing to me. Throughout the entire month of fighting and turmoil, I loved her as much as I always have, and I did everything I could to make it work. I told her that I didn't know if I could be in a relationship that has an expiration date, and that I would think it over and tell her my decision. A few days later, I decided that I could be in a relationship this summer, however I would need her to be open to possibly rekindling the relationship in college if we both want to, because we will be so close. She disagreed, saying she would never want to be in a romantic relationship with me again after we break up for college. Then, she broke up with me, saying "this will not work" and things like that. That was last Thursday. It is now Monday of the next week. Over the past few days, especially right after the breakup, I texted her incessantly telling her I love her and want to make it work, and that if she were to want to come back, I would be there for her. I texted her friends, asking them how she was feeling, as i had done that the previous break up to learn she was devastated. This time, her friends told me she was not sad, and in fact was even relieved that the relationship was over. Around 2 days ago she had one of her friends tell me to stop contacting her and her friends, and that there was no hope for our relationship and that it was definitely over. In response, I said I understood and would try to move on. The next day, I went to her house to pick up things that I had left there. She left them on the porch, and I left her a loving, apologetic and thankful letter. This morning, I texted her one final time asking if she had read the letter, and she said that she had, but it had not changed her attitude and that I should stop contacting her because she is "more content than sad about our breakup because she put herself in that mindset." I am absolutely shattered. The girl that I love more than anything, and who I shared so many special moments with, and who told me she loved me just as much back no longer wants to be with me. She is my first love, my everything, my all. It is extremely difficult for me to refrain from texting her, as for some reason I will not let go of a tiny sliver of hope that she will come back to me, despite everything she has said. My question to you guys is, how do I move on? I truly do not think I will feel like this about anyone else again. Should I keep hope? Should I contact her again? What should I do? I am broken. I am 51 now and have a very similar situation ( actually very very very similar situation) when I was 18 and if I could go back in time I would turn around and walk away from her the first time she yanked my chain. I ended up wasting another year of her push-pull until she finally made me miserable enough that I walked away for good. I wish I would've just walked away the first time I knew she didn't have the same feelings for me any more. What you need to understand is that there is a little voice inside yourself that is telling you that this was your one shot at love and if lose her you will never again find love and you will die alone being eaten by your cat's. That voice is the voice of insecurity and it is completely and utterly FALSE! You will have countless opportunities at love and dating and hook ups and relationships etc etc. You just have to get out of house and away from her and make them happen. Don't make the mistake I did when I was in your shoes. Accept that 18 year old love is fickle and volatile and burns hot one day but flames out the next. When you are 30 and have an education and a career and have been married a couple years and have a young child that needs an intact home, then you can put in time and energy and heartache to hold a woman to her promise to stay with you for a little while longer. But untill that day, any chick that isn't giving herself freely and sincerely, WALK AWAY AND DON'T LOOK BACK. move on and date others, there are millions out there. Don't wastes a second on one that is giving you the run around.
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