Sameold Posted June 29, 2015 Posted June 29, 2015 Hi guys, I posted a thread a few months back regarding my girlfriend. I was expressing some doubts about my compatibility with her etc. Despite this we got on very well and had lots in common. Sex life was good too. Anyway I didn't mean for it to happen in this manner but yesterday I broke up with my girlfriend over the phone. I had felt myself distancing her and couldn't see a long term plan ahead for us. I didn't know why this was but I just couldn't. I planned to have a conversation with her in person but as the phonecall got more heated it all came out from both sides. I certainly don't feel good now, she thinks I'm evil. I havn't cheated at all in anyway. It's all very sad. Seems as though nothing I could have said would have made any difference. For the last day I've been thinking of what to text to try and explain things better but I know she will just think I'm making myself feel better Just rambling.....please don't think this side is easy. I've been on both.
Keenly Posted June 29, 2015 Posted June 29, 2015 Just because you don't see yourself with that person doesn't mean you don't care about them, and hurting the people we care about is not a pleasant experience. This is a normal thing to experience. But this is best for the both of you, and it will not hurt forever. Just take one day at a time.
learnbyliving Posted June 30, 2015 Posted June 30, 2015 Coming from the other side of this, saying less is better. Stick with your feelings about the relationship have changed and don't give superficial reasons to justify your decision. It won't be doing her a favor. Not judging btw and I am interested in how your feelings evolve over the next bit, for curiosity's sake. Be well
mightycpa Posted June 30, 2015 Posted June 30, 2015 Unless you're not local, that was a pretty cold way to break up. Always best if done in person.
Author Sameold Posted June 30, 2015 Author Posted June 30, 2015 (edited) Unless you're not local, that was a pretty cold way to break up. Always best if done in person. Yes I know unfortunately this wwas not possible as due to what was said the conversation had to be started. I said I wanted to speak face to face but she didn't want to. She called me on the phone tonight, initially it wasn't good at all she was very angry. I explained why I felt as I did without going in to too much detail. After a while the conversation calmed and sadness was expressed on both our parts stating we would miss each other., miss calling to see how our days had been etc too. It was very emotional and really got to me actually. At this point I was really not likeing my decision...I had a gf that loves me to peices that I cared greatly about and here I am ending it all. Why did I end it? I have found that her family are very different to mine. I never thought this would impact me but whilst none of them are bad peoples, some suffer with severe depression which completely rules their life, her parents divorced and not speaking and are greatly different to my own in terms of education/views etc. Despite trying my best I have found social situations with them difficult to deal with, especially as my I have been lucky enough to be bought up in a stable family environment. Is it normal for a gfs family to impact how you feel about them and long term relationship potential? Physical attraction has been another issue. My gf was pretty but for some reason I didn't have much of a sexual pull towards her. I think I generally prefer girly girls which my gf was not. I think my affection towards her in terms of hugs and kisses started to wain. When I think of her now I think of her looking great but I don't know if that is just part of this whole experience. So in summary at the moment I'm not feeling great, feels like I've lost my best friend. Edited June 30, 2015 by Sameold
mightycpa Posted June 30, 2015 Posted June 30, 2015 Yes I know unfortunately this wwas not possible as due to what was said the conversation had to be started. I said I wanted to speak face to face but she didn't want to. If you offered and she declined, I'd say as long as you insisted. But there is a limit as to how much you can push it. Why did I end it?As long as your reasons were good enough for you, then they are good enough. If you can live with why, that's all that matters. It's your life, after all. So in summary at the moment I'm not feeling great, feels like I've lost my best friend.Well, you probably have. It feels ****ty to break up with someone because of practical reasons, rather than reasons directly related to your feelings and interest. You seem to have some of both. Frankly, it sounds like a new girl would cure all of this dumper's remorse you have going on. It's usually very temporary.
aloneinaz Posted June 30, 2015 Posted June 30, 2015 Physical attraction has been another issue. My gf was pretty but for some reason I didn't have much of a sexual pull towards her. I think I generally prefer girly girls which my gf was not. I think my affection towards her in terms of hugs and kisses started to wain. So in summary at the moment I'm not feeling great, feels like I've lost my best friend. I think a lot of people don't put enough value into how important attraction, especially physical attraction is. I had a GF of about 5-6 months. We got along great, rarely fought and she really loved me. The problem? She just didn't turn me on physically what so ever. She also wasn't "girlie" enough for me. I finally pulled the plug in person and it was horrible. She really took it really hard and I felt terrible cause she was a great person. I will say that I knew my decision was right. I'll never forget the relief I felt in driving home from her place. Staying w/her was causing me all kinds of stress/anxiety and it all lifted. You did the right thing. Now, continue to do that and not contact her again. You know the drill. Any continued contact will only drag out you both healing and moving on.
learnbyliving Posted June 30, 2015 Posted June 30, 2015 I have found that her family are very different to mine. I never thought this would impact me but whilst none of them are bad peoples, some suffer with severe depression which completely rules their life, her parents divorced and not speaking and are greatly different to my own in terms of education/views etc. Despite trying my best I have found social situations with them difficult to deal with, especially as my I have been lucky enough to be bought up in a stable family environment. Is it normal for a gfs family to impact how you feel about them and long term relationship potential? I think this is common, but unfortunately sad. Live your life how you want, but I can't help but pity her in this situation, as she can't help how her family turned out. I think if you felt stronger about her, you'd be able to look past this and think about how you can make her feel welcome in your own family. However, it seems like you're not satisfied due to other reasons such as attraction, so it's not worth the effort. It's not right or wrong, but it's all very sad as you say.
Author Sameold Posted June 30, 2015 Author Posted June 30, 2015 I feel bad as the family situation is out of her control. Like I say they are not bad people at all but some of them have issues that I've never had to consider before. She is so close to them so I know moving forward they would be a big part of my life. I know you can't choose your family and I know it isn't her fault in any way. It is so hard today, I do miss her lots and worry about how she is getting on. I still do find her attractive but I can't lie I havnt always. I'm feel so shallow and pathetic that for some reason I've let go a girl that genuinely loved me.
Recommended Posts