LivingDeadGrl Posted June 29, 2015 Posted June 29, 2015 Hi All, Been a while I am recently going through a break up and currently still live with my ex, however I am talking to a guy i sort of saw 3 years ago. It was a bit of a fluke how we ended up in communication again. Anyway, he knows my situation and I told him I wasn't into rushing anything and that I would need time before anything between us really happened. He understood, and we continued to talk daily in text and on the phone. We have always had a strong connection, and the sexual tension you could cut glass with. He now lives 6 hours away. The last couple days however, he is very distant and will message me good morning, but when I reply with anything he either takes forever to answer, gives me a one word answer, or doesn't respond at all. I have given him a few days in case he needed space, but after this morning I am really starting to get fed up. Our convo this morning (keep in mind he ignored me all last night): Him: Good Morning! Me: Morning Him: How are ya? Me: I'm alright. Is everything okay? Dead silence. It's been 3.5 hours now and he has not replied. Considering I know he has time to text me, I know he is ignoring me. I understand that I have a lot going on right now, and that he may not want to get involved with me while I am still living with my ex. He knows I am looking for a place to live, he knows I am done with my ex, he knows my ex is a loser, he knows everything! I have been 100 percent honest with him. He told me he was fine with how things were between us right now. My deal is, why not just say what the issue is instead of being distant and/or ignoring me? Why even bother to message me these little crumbs if you aren't interested? I am almost getting pissed off at him, because I deserve an explanation. My solution is, if I don't hear from him for the rest of today... I will message him tonight or tomorrow and tell him that I get why he may not want to get involved with me, but instead of ignoring me, to just tell me. I don't have time for this kind of BS and games...What's your take on it?
Gary S Posted June 29, 2015 Posted June 29, 2015 Well, texting does not a relationship make, so you really can't expect to hold someone's interest until you are ready to date and actually see them. How can you kiss if you are never together? I'm just sayin'.
Author LivingDeadGrl Posted June 29, 2015 Author Posted June 29, 2015 Well, texting does not a relationship make, so you really can't expect to hold someone's interest until you are ready to date and actually see them. How can you kiss if you are never together? I'm just sayin'. I realize this, but why not just say so? We've always been open about everything so I'm not getting the lack of communication. I am not ready for a relationship and he knows this and in his words "I am happy with what we have now until you are ready. and if anything, we each make a great friend" Talk about mixed signals!
Redhead14 Posted June 29, 2015 Posted June 29, 2015 Hi All, Been a while I am recently going through a break up and currently still live with my ex, however I am talking to a guy i sort of saw 3 years ago. It was a bit of a fluke how we ended up in communication again. Anyway, he knows my situation and I told him I wasn't into rushing anything and that I would need time before anything between us really happened. He understood, and we continued to talk daily in text and on the phone. We have always had a strong connection, and the sexual tension you could cut glass with. He now lives 6 hours away. The last couple days however, he is very distant and will message me good morning, but when I reply with anything he either takes forever to answer, gives me a one word answer, or doesn't respond at all. I have given him a few days in case he needed space, but after this morning I am really starting to get fed up. Our convo this morning (keep in mind he ignored me all last night): Him: Good Morning! Me: Morning Him: How are ya? Me: I'm alright. Is everything okay? Dead silence. It's been 3.5 hours now and he has not replied. Considering I know he has time to text me, I know he is ignoring me. I understand that I have a lot going on right now, and that he may not want to get involved with me while I am still living with my ex. He knows I am looking for a place to live, he knows I am done with my ex, he knows my ex is a loser, he knows everything! I have been 100 percent honest with him. He told me he was fine with how things were between us right now. My deal is, why not just say what the issue is instead of being distant and/or ignoring me? Why even bother to message me these little crumbs if you aren't interested? I am almost getting pissed off at him, because I deserve an explanation. My solution is, if I don't hear from him for the rest of today... I will message him tonight or tomorrow and tell him that I get why he may not want to get involved with me, but instead of ignoring me, to just tell me. I don't have time for this kind of BS and games...What's your take on it? He's testing the water to see if you're receptive on any level and probably is in need of sexual release and will do that with you because it's comfortable and easier than finding someone else at the moment, so go back to NO CONTACT. Do not reach out to him. If you don't have time for BS and games, don't entertain it in any way. 1
Author LivingDeadGrl Posted June 29, 2015 Author Posted June 29, 2015 He's testing the water to see if you're receptive on any level and probably is in need of sexual release and will do that with you because it's comfortable and easier than finding someone else at the moment, so go back to NO CONTACT. Do not reach out to him. If you don't have time for BS and games, don't entertain it in any way. So you think he's been using me for some sort of release? Our convos can be flirty in nature but aren't overly sexual at all. Also forgot to note that he broke up with a girl a week ago (because shes crazy, not because of me). He had only dated her for 2 months, it wasn't serious but they had already broken up previously in the two months. He was open with me about everything involving that too. It got more flirty over the last week though, I guess because he has become single. I don't know if maybe he got back with her and he doesn't want to hurt me, or who knows. He can't exactly hurt me at this point, we are friends with a "possible" romantic future. I just don't get the whole ignoring part.
Redhead14 Posted June 29, 2015 Posted June 29, 2015 (edited) So you think he's been using me for some sort of release? Our convos can be flirty in nature but aren't overly sexual at all. Also forgot to note that he broke up with a girl a week ago (because shes crazy, not because of me). He had only dated her for 2 months, it wasn't serious but they had already broken up previously in the two months. He was open with me about everything involving that too. It got more flirty over the last week though, I guess because he has become single. I don't know if maybe he got back with her and he doesn't want to hurt me, or who knows. He can't exactly hurt me at this point, we are friends with a "possible" romantic future. I just don't get the whole ignoring part. Based on what you just wrote now, it's clear, he wants to get laid. He got dumped recently, going back to "comfort zone". He's throwing down bread crumbs to keep you interested without making any real effort. He can absolutely hurt you if you try to become romantically involved again. He not having success with anyone else right now, tag you're it, until you're not again. Until he starts being consistent with quality communication, asking to see you on proper dates and consistently, he's just a guy hanging around in the wings. Don't reach out to him. Let him do all the reaching out. You can respond, but if he doesn't answer again, you leave it there. Step back. Don't chase him. If he's just broken up with a girl, he's not ready for another relationship attempt, he's just being needy and wanting attention or sex or all three. Edited June 29, 2015 by Redhead14 1
Author LivingDeadGrl Posted June 29, 2015 Author Posted June 29, 2015 Based on what you just wrote now, it's clear, he wants to get laid. He got dumped recently, going back to "comfort zone". He's throwing down bread crumbs to keep you interested without making any real effort. He can absolutely hurt you if you try to become romantically involved again. He not having success with anyone else right now, tag you're it, until you're not again. It's possible, I mean I don't really know him all THAT well. He told me he doesn't sleep around and gets STD tested in between partners. Also that he just wants to find the right girl to settle down with. He is a 30 yr old single Dad of one daughter that he has custody of, so I don't think he is necessarily interested in playing games and BS or just looking to "get laid".
Author LivingDeadGrl Posted June 29, 2015 Author Posted June 29, 2015 Sorry for double post but - wanted to mention that one thing he said drove him NUTS about the girl he just dumped is that she would ignore him when she was upset... WELL, isn't that funny?!!!
Redhead14 Posted June 29, 2015 Posted June 29, 2015 It's possible, I mean I don't really know him all THAT well. He told me he doesn't sleep around and gets STD tested in between partners. Also that he just wants to find the right girl to settle down with. He is a 30 yr old single Dad of one daughter that he has custody of, so I don't think he is necessarily interested in playing games and BS or just looking to "get laid". You have to err on the side of caution, because you do not know what he wants. Let him demonstrate what he wants. If he does want that with you, he will make it clear. And, do not kid yourself about being 30 yo, single dad, they are the kings of one night stands because they can't bring the girls home either. Let him show you. If he's serious, he'll do it right. If he's not, he'll keep doing these little empty text pings instead of making good quality communication attempts. I'm not saying he's bad person or evil or wants to hurt women. He needs and wants what he needs and wants and will fish around for someone who will accommodate or wants the same thing if it's just about sex.
Author LivingDeadGrl Posted June 29, 2015 Author Posted June 29, 2015 You have to err on the side of caution, because you do not know what he wants. Let him demonstrate what he wants. If he does want that with you, he will make it clear. And, do not kid yourself about being 30 yo, single dad, they are the kings of one night stands because they can't bring the girls home either. Let him show you. If he's serious, he'll do it right. If he's not, he'll keep doing these little empty text pings instead of making good quality communication attempts. I'm not saying he's bad person or evil or wants to hurt women. He needs and wants what he needs and wants and will fish around for someone who will accommodate or wants the same thing if it's just about sex. So I guess this means I shouldn't ask him what's going on and to just be honest instead of ignoring me? I should just ignore him if he texts me?
Redhead14 Posted June 29, 2015 Posted June 29, 2015 So I guess this means I shouldn't ask him what's going on and to just be honest instead of ignoring me? I should just ignore him if he texts me? Yep, don't ask him anything. If he's ignoring you, he's being disrespectful at best. Why entertain that treatment. If he calls you, has a quality conversation with you and demonstrates sincerity in wanting to see you, fine. Otherwise, don't entertain bull****. And, until you are away from your ex and out on your own and establishing your independence and autonomy again, I would not put myself in a position of looking for another relationship again. If you want to date him casually, fine, but manage your emotions and expectations. Regardless of whether you think you are over your Ex, you'll be grieving that on some level. Get yourself centered. Let this one come to you if he's going to. The ball is in his court. You responded to his last text and he didn't answer. If he sends you more pingy stuff like this don't answer. If he's serious enough, he'll wonder why you aren't responding and call you. If he doesn't, he definitely was just testing you. 1
Author LivingDeadGrl Posted June 29, 2015 Author Posted June 29, 2015 Yep, don't ask him anything. If he's ignoring you, he's being disrespectful at best. Why entertain that treatment. If he calls you, has a quality conversation with you and demonstrates sincerity in wanting to see you, fine. Otherwise, don't entertain bull****. And, until you are away from your ex and out on your own and establishing your independence and autonomy again, I would not put myself in a position of looking for another relationship again. If you want to date him casually, fine, but manage your emotions and expectations. Regardless of whether you think you are over your Ex, you'll be grieving that on some level. Get yourself centered. Let this one come to you if he's going to. The ball is in his court. You responded to his last text and he didn't answer. If he sends you more pingy stuff like this don't answer. If he's serious enough, he'll wonder why you aren't responding and call you. If he doesn't, he definitely was just testing you. Thanks! I guess I am just confused as to how he can go from talking to me all day long, voice and text, to one word answering and ignoring me... And you're right, I don't deserve to be disrespected by him at all.
lovexocoach Posted June 30, 2015 Posted June 30, 2015 Even though he says he's fine with your living with your ex, you're done with your ex, etc. he may NOT be. Whatever is going on it's about him, not you. Don't go running to him and asking what's wrong. Let him work out whatever is bothering him. If he disappears, so be it. But he has to make the effort, not you. Since you're 6 hours apart it's going to be hard to keep things going when there's that much distance involved. Without the physical contact things might just fizzle out in time.
preraph Posted June 30, 2015 Posted June 30, 2015 He's just wishing you'd hurry up and clean up your mess and get out from your ex. You can't expect him to jump in with both feet when you haven't even left your ex really!
BluEyeL Posted June 30, 2015 Posted June 30, 2015 It's possible, I mean I don't really know him all THAT well. He told me he doesn't sleep around and gets STD tested in between partners. Also that he just wants to find the right girl to settle down with. He is a 30 yr old single Dad of one daughter that he has custody of, so I don't think he is necessarily interested in playing games and BS or just looking to "get laid". Some men just want attention, not necessarily sex. But if a man doesn't ask you out usually he's not interested in you seriously.
Redhead14 Posted June 30, 2015 Posted June 30, 2015 Thanks! I guess I am just confused as to how he can go from talking to me all day long, voice and text, to one word answering and ignoring me... And you're right, I don't deserve to be disrespected by him at all. There ya go. Come from a position of strength and established boundaries. It's not just this guy or even guys in general, women do this too. People do this all this time and it's because they really aren't that interested really but just want to have some kind of connection to someone for whatever reason. And, the reason shouldn't matter to you. What matters to you, is YOU. 1
Author LivingDeadGrl Posted June 30, 2015 Author Posted June 30, 2015 Thanks for the replies. I agree with all of you, he does have reasons to NOT want to get involved with me right now and I am completely understanding about that. I just wish he would have said so, instead of just changing completely and one word answering me. He did end of replying 7 hours later: Him: Everything is good, just insanely busy. How are you? I didn't respond.
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