GreenWellington Posted June 29, 2015 Posted June 29, 2015 It's everything that we hope won't happen, she left me about 8 weeks ago after a year of being together and she's already with someone new. She was always the type of girl to jump from guy to guy, and I predicted this would happen, hopefully later than sooner. I was going strong on NC for two months (blocked on FB, No email contact, nothing at all). Then I caved and I couldnt take it anymore...I had a moment of weakness and peaked her instagram profile that is public. There she was with a new guy, both of them sitting in her room where I used to sit with her, his arm around her and her leaning in with her head against him being all lovey dovey. It absolutely killed me. I couldn't take it and started getting nauseous and shaking. This guy is clearly much older than she is and the complete opposite of what she ever said she wanted. A big macho, tattooed, insanely muscular guy (I'm talking power-lifting big, not just recreational gym time big.) I don't understand and I'm completely destroyed. This is without a doubt a rebound. Why is it so common for people to go for drastic opposites of what they always said they wanted after a break up? Is this a common rebound thing? I'm sorry, I needed to vent. I'm still having racing thoughts, barely slept and couldn't go to work this morning. I know that I have no choice to start NC again. I'm proud that I didn't actually talk to her or communicate and only broke NC by visiting her social media, but I still broke it nonetheless.
aloneinaz Posted June 29, 2015 Posted June 29, 2015 It's normal to feel like you're feeling when you ex moved on. It's also a reminder that going NC means no spying on social media as well. You need to view this as a good thing. You really do. This should reinforce w/you that the relationship you two shared is over, dead, buried and finished. She's not contacting you. I'm assuming she ended it. As such, continue to heal from it and move forward. People have the right to end relationships. Everyone has done it. Everyone's been dumped. I don't think two months is too short for her to start dating and or seeing someone again either. Take it as a strong sign that it's time for you to look forward and not backward towards something that didn't work.
Author GreenWellington Posted June 29, 2015 Author Posted June 29, 2015 Thanks for the reply, you're right. I guess I just wouldn't be ready to date after two months myself, but hey, everyone is different I suppose. You're right, it was just the nail in the coffin for me. Only way is forward from now on..
tom1666 Posted June 29, 2015 Posted June 29, 2015 It's probably just the way I deal with things but it's better to get the hurt/pain out the way all in one go. Now she's seeing someone else, it should help you to start thinking about yourself ... Or someone new, in time. It sucks, I've been through it... Twice. The pain hurts a lot, but it does get easier. 1
Chi townD Posted June 29, 2015 Posted June 29, 2015 See what happens when you break NC because you're "curious". Now you're back to square one. You need to go back into NC and stay there! You need to make positive changes in your life. What positive things have you been doing for yourself in these 8 weeks? 2
DexterLS Posted June 29, 2015 Posted June 29, 2015 See what happens when you break NC because you're "curious". Now you're back to square one. You need to go back into NC and stay there! You need to make positive changes in your life. What positive things have you been doing for yourself in these 8 weeks? ^This. I broke NC a few weeks ago as well and I am back to square one. Now I have to deal with the fact that she is going on a trip with the other guy in three weeks. I brought this upon myself. The point of all this is, to stick with NC and be there as long as possible.
Author GreenWellington Posted June 29, 2015 Author Posted June 29, 2015 I have in general been making positive changes during the past two months. I go to the gym 4 times a week and try to bike minimum 50km a week if I can. I've been trying to meet new people, eat healthy, and I plan on enrolling in an outdoor soccer league next week. On paper I've been doing exactly what I should be doing, apart from NOT breaking NC which I sadly did. I regret it. I learned the hard way, even after I preached to others to not do the same. It hurts, it really does. But at least it brings some form of finality to the whole situation. I know she's moved on, and there's no going back. Even if she did come back I know I wouldn't want to because our relationship was toxic, it could have never worked. The mind is a strange thing...powerful but hard to manage (in my case). I definitely DO feel like I'm on day 1 of the break up again. Crazy how all of the progress is so fragile and can be erased so easily..
elaine567 Posted June 29, 2015 Posted June 29, 2015 I guess I just wouldn't be ready to date after two months myself, but hey, everyone is different I suppose. You would be ready to date if you had been processing the proposed break up for months and had emotionally checked out for ages before the split. Dumpers tend to do that, so whist the dumpee is completely blind-sided, the dumper is already looking for someone else from day one, post break up. 2
aloneinaz Posted June 29, 2015 Posted June 29, 2015 But at least it brings some form of finality to the whole situation. I know she's moved on, and there's no going back. Even if she did come back I know I wouldn't want to because our relationship was toxic, it could have never worked. This is what you need to tell yourself, repeatedly. I was in the same boat. A toxic relationship that I should of ended. She did. I was screwed up for a month post BU. Two months after, I was dating again. I stayed hardcore NC and vanished from her life. I felt that I'd "mourned" that lousy relationship long enough after 2 months. I honestly look back now and am GREATFUL that she ended it since I wasn't in a place to at the time. She actually reappeared at 5.5 months post break up and wanted me back and was told no way. I'm grateful that I met a very normal, healthy woman that I've been lucky enough to be with now for almost 2 years. Stay NC and you'll move onto finding someone new. Don't view this as a MAJOR set back. You're NOT at day one again. You just got the final end to the R/S and will feel better in a day or two. Hopefully in the near future, you'll get out and stick your toes in the dating pool again. It will make you feel better and keep your momentum going towards your next great relationship. 2
OldSoul86 Posted June 29, 2015 Posted June 29, 2015 You would be ready to date if you had been processing the proposed break up for months and had emotionally checked out for ages before the split. Dumpers tend to do that, so whist the dumpee is completely blind-sided, the dumper is already looking for someone else from day one, post break up. Not all dumpers do this. Some dumpers are strong enough to let go soon after they realize that the relationship won't work. Some dumpers realize that it is selfish to stay in the relationship just to use their significant other as a spring board to move rapidly on to the next relationship. I guess everyone is different, but my rationalization to leave while my feelings were still raw is that I could process them, learn from them, and hopefully heal from them. 1
frigginlost Posted June 29, 2015 Posted June 29, 2015 Not all dumpers do this. Some dumpers are strong enough to let go soon after they realize that the relationship won't work. Some dumpers realize that it is selfish to stay in the relationship just to use their significant other as a spring board to move rapidly on to the next relationship. I guess everyone is different, but my rationalization to leave while my feelings were still raw is that I could process them, learn from them, and hopefully heal from them. You're a good man. I've dumped twice in my life, and did it the same way. 1
hotmrw Posted June 29, 2015 Posted June 29, 2015 This is my third time unlucky in love, I cant do it anymore, I just don't have it in me, I am staying single, I was dumped for another guy and we have a 13 month old daughter together I caught her kissing him, I can still see it in my mind her passionately going over to him on the couch and kissing him, I just ran away panicking ( I seen them through the window as I passed ) that image will haunt me for the rest of my life, she has damaged me so much, and I am still friends with her, I must be stupid, but we have a child so I have to remain nice, but my heart is broken, I am sad, I am lonely, and I have not seen my daughter for over 2 weeks, a really ***** situation.... you are not alone..
oldshirt Posted June 29, 2015 Posted June 29, 2015 You would be ready to date if you had been processing the proposed break up for months and had emotionally checked out for ages before the split. Dumpers tend to do that, so whist the dumpee is completely blind-sided, the dumper is already looking for someone else from day one, post break up. Most dumpers actually have the next one all lined up by the time they say, "we should take a break." It happens occasionally but it is actually very rare that someone drops the ax without the next one in place.
ApexTitanium Posted June 30, 2015 Posted June 30, 2015 Im 7 months post breakup of a 5.5 year relationship/engagement. Two months NC (she text me two days ago I gave no response). Honestly im too scared to look. If I saw her with a new guy id have a heart attack. Just think....thats 7 months post breakup..
aloneinaz Posted June 30, 2015 Posted June 30, 2015 Most dumpers actually have the next one all lined up by the time they say, "we should take a break." It happens occasionally but it is actually very rare that someone drops the ax without the next one in place. It would be interesting to know the true statistics of this. Personally, I think people simply reach a stage of being so un-happy in the relationship that they end it. I agree, they've checked out long before dumping. I've ended most of my relationships. In no case did I have someone lined up. I simply wasn't happy anymore w/the person and relationship and would have rather been alone.
foolinlove79 Posted June 30, 2015 Posted June 30, 2015 Im in the same situation. 6 year rs if u can call it that. 6 weeks bu. He is already seeing someone. And what is odd to me is he bu with me because i lacked certain things he looking for and this new one also doesn't have what he is looking for. I was pretty upset yesterday when i found out. But ive been thinking since then it might be for the best. I might b3 rid of him for good now ane then i can really move on. Plus he was a pretty crap bf so now he can be someone else's crappy bf. Ive never understood the dating thing either. Everyone is different i guess. For some people i think all it is is a distraction so they dont have to deal with their pain or think about their ex. i know for me it wouldn't help. And i feel kind of sorry for the people replacing us too.
mightycpa Posted June 30, 2015 Posted June 30, 2015 Consider yourself lucky. I had an ex who started banging a guy who looked like ****ing Santa Claus. I wanted to be replaced by a Chippendale dancer!
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