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The best friend who is also "the one that got away" called me

Redemption04

By Redemption04
in General Relationship Discussion

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Redemption04 Established Member

Redemption04

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I find a discussion about why someone isn't interested in you to be awkward.

 

Surprisingly, in the context this was in..it actually wasnt.

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Redemption04 Established Member

Redemption04

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Our exchange to swap the cards back was an even shorter one than I'd expected--it took less than 3 minutes. He looked really nice, yet tired, and told me he'd had a big presentation early that morning. And that was that.

 

 

Last night, my dad told me he'd talked to this guy's parents earlier in the day (this is a not so infrequent occurrence--this is probably what he meant by "my parents like you too much". Generally their conversations do not include me, thankfully.). He'd called to say hi. I cringed--PLEASE TELL ME, YOU DIDN'T MENTION THE FACT HE AND I ARE FRIENDS.

 

 

Apparently his parents told my dad that he HAS told them he associates with me. Quote, " [my name] listens to me. She doesn't just hear me, she listens to everything I have to say. And she cares about me. But she's the kind of girl you get serious with, the type you marry. And I'm not ready for that. I'm not ready to get serious with anybody." Allegedly, that's what was said.

loveflower Established Member

loveflower

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Apparently his parents told my dad that he HAS told them he associates with me. Quote, " [my name] listens to me. She doesn't just hear me, she listens to everything I have to say. And she cares about me. But she's the kind of girl you get serious with, the type you marry. And I'm not ready for that. I'm not ready to get serious with anybody." Allegedly, that's what was said.

 

That's what I suspected after reading your story. The guy just wants to play the field. He doesn't want to settle.

 

you have your answer now.

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Redemption04 Established Member

Redemption04

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That's what I suspected after reading your story. The guy just wants to play the field. He doesn't want to settle.

 

you have your answer now.

 

Is that legitimately a reason men refuse to pursue some women? you think that's genuine? Or just that he just didn't like me?

loveflower Established Member

loveflower

Posted
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Is that legitimately a reason men refuse to pursue some women? you think that's genuine? Or just that he just didn't like me?

 

He likes you, but not THAT like you. He likes you but not like you enough to stop liking other women, and settle down with you.

 

It was a hard lesson for me as well. for me, I either really really like someone or not at all. It never occurred to me that some guys just like me, but not that like me. I don't know if it's a gender difference or what.

 

I read the book 'he is not just that into you'. I think it helped me to see.

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Redemption04 Established Member

Redemption04

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He likes you, but not THAT like you. He likes you but not like you enough to stop liking other women, and settle down with you.

 

It was a hard lesson for me as well. for me, I either really really like someone or not at all. It never occurred to me that some guys just like me, but not that like me. I don't know if it's a gender difference or what.

 

I read the book 'he is not just that into you'. I think it helped me to see.

 

 

 

I get that. I'm back to where I live now. I'm hoping time and distance will dull how I feel. Because it doesn't look like he'll ever care about me more.

salparadise Established Member

salparadise

Posted
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The weird thing about his sudden touchy/feeliness last night, for me, is that of all the time I've spent with him in the past..He's never done that. He's a very awkward guy. He's not suave, or hands-on by nature.

 

Quote, " [my name] listens to me. She doesn't just hear me, she listens to everything I have to say. And she cares about me. But she's the kind of girl you get serious with, the type you marry. And I'm not ready for that. I'm not ready to get serious with anybody."

 

Given what you said about him being awkward, not suave or touchy feely, I think there's a good chance that it's not so much about playing the field, but that he's afraid to open his heart and take the risk. He may just need a little more time to grow up and see himself as being ready... or the right woman stirring feelings strong enough to overcome the resistance. If it weren't for the fact that you live far away I'd say to stick with it. It sounds like to me he's crushing all over you and just afraid to give in to it.

Edited by salparadise
RedRobin Established Member

RedRobin

Posted
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You are his emotional tampon and ego boost... His puppy on a leash.

 

Stop entertaining romantic thoughts with him and stop letting him suck up your free time you could be pursuing a reciprocal relationship.

craw Established Member

craw

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Hi I'm sorry I didn't see your reply until now. To be absolutely Frank with you, I don't know **** about dating. I find especially in North America there are so many mixed signals.

 

You sound amazing. Anyone who bakes cookies and send them home is beyond kick ass. Don't ever let tell you otherwise.

 

In terms of developing a relationship with friendship of guys, its a very tricky path.

 

 

Anyway, my advice? Stop talking to him, if he does message or calls you, only respond minimum 3 days.

 

The guy needs to chase you. Man I hate this cat and dog game, but it rings true most of the time.

craw Established Member

craw

Posted
Posted
Our exchange to swap the cards back was an even shorter one than I'd expected--it took less than 3 minutes. He looked really nice, yet tired, and told me he'd had a big presentation early that morning. And that was that.

 

 

Last night, my dad told me he'd talked to this guy's parents earlier in the day (this is a not so infrequent occurrence--this is probably what he meant by "my parents like you too much". Generally their conversations do not include me, thankfully.). He'd called to say hi. I cringed--PLEASE TELL ME, YOU DIDN'T MENTION THE FACT HE AND I ARE FRIENDS.

 

 

Apparently his parents told my dad that he HAS told them he associates with me. Quote, " [my name] listens to me. She doesn't just hear me, she listens to everything I have to say. And she cares about me. But she's the kind of girl you get serious with, the type you marry. And I'm not ready for that. I'm not ready to get serious with anybody." Allegedly, that's what was said.

 

Oh this guy is soooo not worth it. Cut him off immediately, no matter how much it hurts. He doesn't deserve you.

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