link_the_programmer Posted June 29, 2015 Posted June 29, 2015 I've known this girl since kindergarten. We were separated at the end of second grade, and I now see her every Sunday at church as of the past few months. A few months ago I asked her out to the movies, and she said yes, but her mom said no. Any reason why that might be? It might help to say I liked her then too, and still do even though it's been 8 years. I figure "Who better to be with the rest of my life than someone I've known all my life?". But now I have more than just reasons of beauty to like her. I just mostly lacked vocabulary in kindergarten. My primary problem is the approach. I'm clever with flattery, but I'm a shy guy, and look for the right moment to say things. The right moment for me has requirements that must be met. They are very high requirements, and are there to prevent my own embarrassment. It's hard to say anything, and as it is, with her mom blatantly telling me "no" a week after I asked her daughter, things feel a lot like foreign affairs, a very sensitive matter. It feels like one wrong move and her mother will never let me near her. Her mom got divorced who knows when and still is, but I never asked her in kindergarten. I'm thinking she's just a protective mom and I respect her for not going easy on me. It's a challenge and I'm currently at a dilemma. I don't know which path to choose.
Author link_the_programmer Posted June 29, 2015 Author Posted June 29, 2015 We were both born in 2000. We're 15.
cessna Posted June 29, 2015 Posted June 29, 2015 You're both still kids then. Until she's 18 her parents still have control over her I'm afraid.
Author link_the_programmer Posted June 29, 2015 Author Posted June 29, 2015 Yeah, I know that. Now, tricky thing is getting her number. I spoke with my friends. They say I should ask her mom if it's ok. I think I should find "a right moment" and ask. What do you think? 1
d0nnivain Posted June 29, 2015 Posted June 29, 2015 It's way to early for you to be thinking about who to spend the rest of your life with. At 15, her parents may have vetoed the date because they don't want her to date until she is older. You both need to respect their wishes. If you are polite & deferential to them it will go a long way toward showing them you are both mature enough to go to the movies. 1
Author link_the_programmer Posted June 29, 2015 Author Posted June 29, 2015 You may think it naive of me to be thinking about who I should be spending the rest of my life with, especially when the first or second person you date does not always end up being your spouse. Honestly, this is the logical choice. I mean, dating is about learning about each other... I've known her for 8 years. She hasn't changed a bit since kindergarten. Only, back then I just had some competition. Every woman is unique indeed, but this is a fine specimen among the 0.0000000000001%. My failure only means I was not meant to be with her, and in that case I will become a priest (because I'm catholic). But you are right. I will remain a friend until then. Maybe a few slip-ups along the way
d0nnivain Posted June 29, 2015 Posted June 29, 2015 I've known her for 8 years. She hasn't changed a bit since kindergarten. But you will both change significantly between now & when you are 25. 2
Author link_the_programmer Posted June 29, 2015 Author Posted June 29, 2015 At least I will be there through those 10 years of change to see that she is still the kindest person I've ever met. I will l[ike/ove] her even then.
Gaeta Posted June 29, 2015 Posted June 29, 2015 Maybe she doesn't want to go to the movies with you and she used the excuse her mom said no.
Author link_the_programmer Posted June 29, 2015 Author Posted June 29, 2015 Maybe she doesn't want to go to the movies with you and she used the excuse her mom said no. The week after I asked her to the movies, I was leaving the church on Sunday. As I was leaving, I asked her mom if I could speak to her in private. I asked if it would be ok to go to the movie and she indeed blatantly said no.
Fleur de cactus Posted June 29, 2015 Posted June 29, 2015 It feel good to feel in love. But like others say, you are young, you never know how many more girls you will meet in next 5 to 10 years. If mom says no, she has some reasons. i know you are in love and you do not want to lose her. What you can do is to ask her if you can visit her at her home. Maybe her mom does not know you well, she is not sure about what you want. Then, she will visit you at your home. Then, maybe from there mom will accept to let you go to movie together. Good luck.
Gaeta Posted June 29, 2015 Posted June 29, 2015 The week after I asked her to the movies, I was leaving the church on Sunday. As I was leaving, I asked her mom if I could speak to her in private. I asked if it would be ok to go to the movie and she indeed blatantly said no. Did she say why? Did she say no because Susie is not allowed to date or something?
Author link_the_programmer Posted June 29, 2015 Author Posted June 29, 2015 It feel good to feel in love. But like others say, you are young, you never know how many more girls you will meet in next 5 to 10 years. If mom says no, she has some reasons. i know you are in love and you do not want to lose her. What you can do is to ask her if you can visit her at her home. Maybe her mom does not know you well, she is not sure about what you want. Then, she will visit you at your home. Then, maybe from there mom will accept to let you go to movie together. Good luck. The last thing I would do is ask to go to her house. Her mom knows me plenty well from kindergarten. What I will do soon enough is talk to her mom in private and have a long conversation. Her mom asked me a month ago if I wanted to do that for other reasons, and I'll bring that up again as an excuse to talk to her mom.
Gaeta Posted June 29, 2015 Posted June 29, 2015 The last thing I would do is ask to go to her house. Her mom knows me plenty well from kindergarten. What I will do soon enough is talk to her mom in private and have a long conversation. Her mom asked me a month ago if I wanted to do that for other reasons, and I'll bring that up again as an excuse to talk to her mom. Why do you need to have a conversation with this woman? You are a minor. This woman has no right to demand or request a private conversation with you. DO NOT have a conversation behind closed door with this woman. She can talk to your parents if she has something to clarify with you. She is really overstepping her boundaries here. All hell would break loose if I heard an adult demanded a private conversation with my 15 year old. How would that woman react if your parents wanted a private conversation with her daughter?
Author link_the_programmer Posted June 29, 2015 Author Posted June 29, 2015 Did she say why? Did she say no because Susie is not allowed to date or something? She gave no reason. And there really wasn't much time to explain since I was right at the car...
Author link_the_programmer Posted June 29, 2015 Author Posted June 29, 2015 (edited) Why do you need to have a conversation with this woman? You are a minor. This woman has no right to demand or request a private conversation with you. DO NOT have a conversation behind closed door with this woman. She can talk to your parents if she has something to clarify with you. She is really overstepping her boundaries here. All hell would break loose if I heard an adult demanded a private conversation with my 15 year old. How would that woman react if your parents wanted a private conversation with her daughter? She's the director of Life Teen at our church which I am a part of. Edit: you don't understand the context of the original reason why she asked me to talk to her anyways. I've gone through 8 years of loneliness, depression, no friends, and bullying. Edited June 29, 2015 by link_the_programmer context update
Gaeta Posted June 29, 2015 Posted June 29, 2015 She's the director of Life Teen at our church which I am a part of. Edit: you don't understand the context of the original reason why she asked me to talk to her anyways. I've gone through 8 years of loneliness, depression, no friends, and bullying. I thought she wanted a private conversation concerning her daughter or to criticize your behavior somehow. I can only understand what you'll telling us :-) so I did not know this woman was director of a youth group you were part of.
d0nnivain Posted June 29, 2015 Posted June 29, 2015 Perhaps the girl's mom is worried because she has some unique insights into your personal struggles. Pray for guidance, wisdom & patience. Also ask the mom if there is context in which she would be more comfortable with you spending time with her her daughter. While the actual movies are out, perhaps she will agree to netflix in the family room with her & the girl's father in the next room. Gaeta -- while some "private conversations" between a teen and an adult would be taboo, something where the two of them are in a public space but off to the side out of earshot wouldn't set off any alarm bells in my mind. The content of the interaction would be a factor but the whole picture is warranted before passing judgment.
Author link_the_programmer Posted June 29, 2015 Author Posted June 29, 2015 Perhaps the girl's mom is worried because she has some unique insights into your personal struggles. Pray for guidance, wisdom & patience. Also ask the mom if there is context in which she would be more comfortable with you spending time with her her daughter. While the actual movies are out, perhaps she will agree to netflix in the family room with her & the girl's father in the next room. Gaeta -- while some "private conversations" between a teen and an adult would be taboo, something where the two of them are in a public space but off to the side out of earshot wouldn't set off any alarm bells in my mind. The content of the interaction would be a factor but the whole picture is warranted before passing judgment. [1] Actually she has shown some form of protection one way or another since the beginning. I remember in kindergarten we went to a clay shop on a field trip and we made pottery. There was a long table made of other tables, and we ate papa john's pizza. After we ate, we sat at the end on steps by a door or something... My competitor and I sat by her, stroking her soft hair. I guess I got carried away (although I think she kinda liked it) and her mom said "that's enough Andrew". [2] perhaps I should ask next time if she, her mom, and I would like to go to the movies together. Just like Mexico! Also, she doesn't have a dad. Like I said, her mom is divorced since before kindergarten.
d0nnivain Posted June 29, 2015 Posted June 29, 2015 I suspect this girls' mom may have a very negative opinion of you. What do you plan to do to overcome that? Until you show the mom that you are not the guy she thinks you are, mom may not give permission. I do not think that having the mom come to the movie theater with you is a good plan. Do not even suggest it. 2
Author link_the_programmer Posted June 29, 2015 Author Posted June 29, 2015 I suspect this girls' mom may have a very negative opinion of you. What do you plan to do to overcome that? Until you show the mom that you are not the guy she thinks you are, mom may not give permission. I do not think that having the mom come to the movie theater with you is a good plan. Do not even suggest it. I plan on proving to her somehow that I am worthy of taking her daughter. Somehow, some way, I will. Ok I won't do that.
Gary S Posted June 29, 2015 Posted June 29, 2015 We call her mom a blocker. Ya know, you are a little young to be getting serious with a woman anyway.... just wait a couple years, you'll have plenty of time for women. Have fun with friends and your interests instead. 2
Author link_the_programmer Posted June 29, 2015 Author Posted June 29, 2015 (edited) We call her mom a blocker. Ya know, you are a little young to be getting serious with a woman anyway.... just wait a couple years, you'll have plenty of time for women. Have fun with friends and your interests instead. [1] lol [2] My three best friends (my only friends), including this girl, are all from kindergarten, and they are my only friends, and I only get to see them on Sunday except for other occasions. This girl, I don't want to be friends anymore . My interest is programming, mostly because I've had nothing but a computer for 8 years, and I've had 5 years to learn Java. I've waited 8 years, and after 8 years the first thing that made me smile was her smile. I don't think I can wait another couple years. I'm set on this woman. Edit: Let's also not forget that 2k years ago (and even now for the wrong reasons) there were women pregnant at 14. Edited June 29, 2015 by link_the_programmer
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