fluidian Posted June 29, 2015 Posted June 29, 2015 I've been dating a girl for 4-5 months - the first month was a bit shakey, but things have been pretty good since...we usually sleep together 4-6 nights/week, sex is very frequent, ect...not a whole lot to complain about. That said, I just found out she's still actively checking her online dating profile. We haven't ever talked about exclusivity, but given the level of intimacy, it should be implied (at least to me - or course that may be naive). I honestly don't think she's seeing anyone...but again, I was surprised by the internet activity, so I could be totally on the wrong page. That said, to me this is unacceptable - should I just dump her, or talk to her about the behavior first to see if it can be straightened out? I'm tempted to talk to her about it, but am curious to get others' thoughts...outright dump is definitely on the table...
h0000 Posted June 29, 2015 Posted June 29, 2015 Maybe she logs in to check on you haha or she would say it is to check on you... 1
Clarence_Boddicker Posted June 29, 2015 Posted June 29, 2015 Yup dump her, she's "cheating" on you. She doesn't mean anything to you but sex, that's why you haven't asked her out ie be exclusive. That's how some people will see how you view the relationship.
lollipopspot Posted June 29, 2015 Posted June 29, 2015 outright dump is definitely on the table... If outright dump is on the table, before even having a conversation with her about where y'all stand, then I'd say go ahead and do it. It doesn't seem like she means that much to you.
fitnessfan365 Posted June 29, 2015 Posted June 29, 2015 Haha.. You sound like a bit of a hypocrite OP. 1) You still have an active account/profile yourself. That's how you're able to check up on her. How do you know she isn't going online to do the same thing to you? 2) You've never brought up being exclusive with her, even though you claim to have all of this "intimacy" with her. After 4-5 months you should know where you stand with each other IMO. But once again, since there has never been any talk of being exclusive, you can't hold anything against her. To me, it kind of sounds like you're projecting and looking for an excuse to end things since you immediately want to jump to dumping her. I mean there must be something holding you back from making it official after 4-5 months no? 2
yxalitis Posted June 29, 2015 Posted June 29, 2015 Seriously OP, you're a f'ing douchbag. Why are you asking random people on the Internet if you should dump your new girl without even having the courtesy to, you know...communicate with her? Oh, right that thing...yeah, kinda important in a relationship, don'tcha think? 2
Redhead14 Posted June 29, 2015 Posted June 29, 2015 I've been dating a girl for 4-5 months - the first month was a bit shakey, but things have been pretty good since...we usually sleep together 4-6 nights/week, sex is very frequent, ect...not a whole lot to complain about. That said, I just found out she's still actively checking her online dating profile. We haven't ever talked about exclusivity, but given the level of intimacy, it should be implied (at least to me - or course that may be naive). I honestly don't think she's seeing anyone...but again, I was surprised by the internet activity, so I could be totally on the wrong page. That said, to me this is unacceptable - should I just dump her, or talk to her about the behavior first to see if it can be straightened out? I'm tempted to talk to her about it, but am curious to get others' thoughts...outright dump is definitely on the table... Until you actually talk about exclusivity, you assume nothing. What you do now is open a casual, non-confrontational conversation to say something like "I'm not online anymore and took my profile down, how about you?" And let her talk. Don't mention exclusivity until you hear her side. You may not want to ask for exclusivity after she talks. If she says what you want to hear, then bring up exclusivity and be clear about what exclusivity means to you. Some people feel that exclusivity is boyfriend/girlfriend. Some people feel that exclusivity is only about being sexual with that one person while still dating others casually and without intimacy. Exclusivity for most people is the period of time where the couple is focusing on each other evaluating more deeply the potential for escalating the relationship to boyfriend and girlfriend.
Gary S Posted June 29, 2015 Posted June 29, 2015 Those online indicators can be wrong. Also, phone apps can make it appear somebody is online 24/7. How do you know she was online? Perhaps the bigger issue is you trust issue?
OMC Posted June 29, 2015 Posted June 29, 2015 "Seriously OP, you're a f'ing douchbag. Why are you asking random people on the Internet if you should dump your new girl without even having the courtesy to, you know...communicate with her? Oh, right that thing...yeah, kinda important in a relationship, don'tcha think?" yxalitis- I can see you are the poster child for communication skills. Ya you.. you know... douchbag.
changeofseasons Posted June 29, 2015 Posted June 29, 2015 You guys do know that you can check on dating profiles without having an account, right? I know for sure you can with OKC and Match.com But if you DO have an account, then you have no right to complain. P.S. Talk to her, don't "tak" her
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