dutyfree Posted June 29, 2015 Posted June 29, 2015 Hi all, I've been together with my girlfriend for 3 months. Ever since we got together, I feel this surge where I want to spend all my time with her. I guess that is part of the honeymoon period. On the other hand, she doesn't feel the same way. She told me the other day that it might be due to her past relationship with her ex-boyfriend. That she has already experienced the honeymoon period before, and that is why she doesn't feel the butterflies that she felt in her first relationship as compared to her current relationship. I felt really sad when she said that because it feels as if my deep affection for her is not reciprocated. Is this true? And how can I help her feel more deeply in terms of affection for me?
Romaks Posted June 29, 2015 Posted June 29, 2015 I feel like I am in a similar situation. Yes, I think the honeymoon feelings can be one-sided, but that's because of past experience I think. I had one of those first-love experiences with a girl (we're separated now), and with my new girlfriend, things are different. I can't say we've even had a honeymoon period. We love each other and definitely spend as much time as we can, but it's not super "exciting" like before. I honestly don't think it's a big deal, and I wouldn't really worry too much about it. If you do end up dating someone else, maybe you'll feel the same way and not want to get excited because you'll think it will end anyway. Does that make sense?
Gary S Posted June 29, 2015 Posted June 29, 2015 Of course the honeymoon phase can be one-sided. This is because her feelings are separate from your feelings. Sure, she appreciates that you love her, but that does not really intensify her feelings a whole lot. If she does not love you after 3 months, she probably never will. That said, perhaps she does love you to some extent. There are different levels of love.... I suspect in this case you love her more than she loves you. Ultimately, you have to go by her actions to judge love level. Actions scream. If I can say one good thing? - it's that she's with you. People vote with their feet.
fitnessfan365 Posted June 29, 2015 Posted June 29, 2015 I get it man. When you like a girl, you want to see and talk to her as much as humanly possible. But the basic law of attraction is that we retract from what over pursues us. You need to have self control and actually allow a woman the space and freedom to miss/think about you. This is where the butterflies come from. It also allows her to get interested in you on her own time frame. Based on how high your interest is, I'm guessing that you initiate most of the calls/texts? You're probably also pushing to see her as much as humanly possible. This is because you're trying to force her to be as interested as you. In your last sentence you even say as much by asking how you can help her along. My advice? Back off a bit. Begin to let her do more of the initiating with calls/texts, and cut back to seeing her 3x a week. Develop some interests in your own life outside of her and allow her to actually miss/think about you. Some time away from you will actually allow her to appreciate you more. 2
Ninjainpajamas Posted June 29, 2015 Posted June 29, 2015 Everything can be one-sided, especially "love"...but also infatuation, interest, desire, passion, any other emotions...everything.
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 29, 2015 Posted June 29, 2015 I am not capable of feeling the "honeymoon" emotions anymore. No matter how attractive the guy is, there is only so much of infatuation you can feel in your life and not having it work out. It's really not a reflection a the guy I am dating. Maybe she is the same. And yes, of course it can be one-sided and it's also possible that she is capable of feeling it but just not with you. 1
Leigh 87 Posted June 29, 2015 Posted June 29, 2015 I am not capable of feeling the "honeymoon" emotions anymore. No matter how attractive the guy is, there is only so much of infatuation you can feel in your life and not having it work out. It's really not a reflection a the guy I am dating. Maybe she is the same. And yes, of course it can be one-sided and it's also possible that she is capable of feeling it but just not with you. I'm the same. Only so many disappointments a girl can handle. I also don't get the honeymoon period UNLESS over time the guy proves himself. I can identify great chemistry that usually in the past leads to infatuation, however, I don't allow myself to feel anything anymore. I know how it will invariably end. 2
Gaeta Posted June 29, 2015 Posted June 29, 2015 OP There is no limited amount of butterflies and once you've used them up you can't feel them anymore. She is just not into you as much as you're into her. I am older than most of you, I have had my heart broken several times, and I can still experience butterflies. I am smarter about it and I don't let them control me like they used to but I definitely can still experience them. If someone told me they don't feel the butterflies for me after 3 months I would not continue the relationship. After 3 months I expect a meaningful connection to be in place.
Lois_Griffin Posted June 29, 2015 Posted June 29, 2015 She told me the other day that it might be due to her past relationship with her ex-boyfriend. That she has already experienced the honeymoon period before, and that is why she doesn't feel the butterflies that she felt in her first relationship as compared to her current relationship. LOL. How old is this girl? She sounds as though she's completely inexperienced and knows precious little about life and relationships. So she thinks she only gets ONE 'honeymoon' stage in life and she's already had it, so she can't have one with you? Egads. Maybe she'll never feel that way with you. There's nothing you can do to control that. She either feels that way or she doesn't.
Redhead14 Posted June 29, 2015 Posted June 29, 2015 Hi all, I've been together with my girlfriend for 3 months. Ever since we got together, I feel this surge where I want to spend all my time with her. I guess that is part of the honeymoon period. On the other hand, she doesn't feel the same way. She told me the other day that it might be due to her past relationship with her ex-boyfriend. That she has already experienced the honeymoon period before, and that is why she doesn't feel the butterflies that she felt in her first relationship as compared to her current relationship. I felt really sad when she said that because it feels as if my deep affection for her is not reciprocated. Is this true? And how can I help her feel more deeply in terms of affection for me? This is not about the honeymoon phase. The honeymoon phase is when you're both wrapped up in each other. In this case, you two simply aren't on the same page. She doesn't feel the same way about you as you do her. She needs to get clear in her own head about what she wants for herself right now. She's still getting over her last relationship and probably wanting attention and comfort but can't get too invested emotionally. I'd give her space and let her come to you if she wants to. Let her reach out to you and respond in kind, meaning the same context and tone. Don't mention the relationship unless she does and then don't come on too strong. Be supportive but don't push. You cannot make her be more emotionally invested, but you can do things that will cause it not to develop if it's going to at all. Let this happen naturally. Don't force it or try to analyze your way into or around it.
Leigh 87 Posted July 1, 2015 Posted July 1, 2015 This is not about the honeymoon phase. The honeymoon phase is when you're both wrapped up in each other. In this case, you two simply aren't on the same page. She doesn't feel the same way about you as you do her. She needs to get clear in her own head about what she wants for herself right now. She's still getting over her last relationship and probably wanting attention and comfort but can't get too invested emotionally. I'd give her space and let her come to you if she wants to. Let her reach out to you and respond in kind, meaning the same context and tone. Don't mention the relationship unless she does and then don't come on too strong. Be supportive but don't push. You cannot make her be more emotionally invested, but you can do things that will cause it not to develop if it's going to at all. Let this happen naturally. Don't force it or try to analyze your way into or around it. You give the worst advice. You're forever encourage people to go after people who aren't into them. It's not always good to accept that you're more into someone than they are into you. Wouldn't it be better to find someone who falls equally hard for you!??? You're advice is always directed towards people who are dating a partner who isn't that into them..you urge the to stick around and play it cool and wait for their dating partner to catch up with their own interest.
mightycpa Posted July 1, 2015 Posted July 1, 2015 You're right about her.. she's not reciprocating evenly. You can either live with that, or you can't. If you like somebody a lot, of course you want to spend all the time with them that you can. That's only natural. If you have other interests that take up your time, well, that's not a bad thing, but it's not the same as what you describe. I think you'd do well to start dating other people too. Maybe it will calm you down emotionally, boost your ego and confidence, and the attraction will balance out better. Either that or cut your losses before you end up devastated over a relationship that had very little chance of lasting.
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