grokcahsevol Posted June 28, 2015 Posted June 28, 2015 For those of you who don't know, my g/f of 9 years wanted a break. I went out yesterday with some friends to a music festival and their was some drinking involved. I started chatting with this one girl who seemed interested in me. She asked me if I wanted to dance so we danced for a bit.. and then BAM I just got hit with all these depressing emotions.. my body just literally shut down.. I felt so guilty and we didn't even hook up. Is this something that's normal after a breakup.. I thought it would be a great thing to do but it just made me miss her a lot.
dumbass2 Posted June 28, 2015 Posted June 28, 2015 Yep, it is totally normal based on where you are at with your emotions and you will continue to feel this way with any girl you meet until you have broken away from your ex. Problem is, that have yourself convinced that it is "only" a break, when in fact it is a "break up".
elaine567 Posted June 28, 2015 Posted June 28, 2015 Your gf wanted a break. Have you discussed seeing other people with her? Is this a break where you are essentially split up, or a break where you both go away and process your thoughts re the relationship. The former scenario means you can see other people as you ARE split up, the latter can be confusing in that one partner may think they are free and the other is merely processing the relationship. Getting back together can be ruined if it is then obvious that one was seeing other people. Best to find out how your gf views seeing other people here, as the last thing you would want is to get back together and immediately split again, due to perceived infidelity.
Stercrazy Posted June 28, 2015 Posted June 28, 2015 The act of dancing with someone new did a few things that brought on the depression. 1.) You're not ready to date yet. Pay attention to that. 2.) Reminded you of the ending of a LT relationship. I'm not sure how old you are but you were in a relationship for 9 years.....that's a long time and a significant percentage of your life. This is not going to be easy. Yes your depression seems normal and at times the negative feelings will come back for different reasons. What's important is that it won't last forever and you will be stronger individual when you become indifferent. You are a human with emotions. Give yourself a break. Start again with some positive coping skills. Good luck.
frigginlost Posted June 28, 2015 Posted June 28, 2015 For those of you who don't know, my g/f of 9 years wanted a break. I went out yesterday with some friends to a music festival and their was some drinking involved. I started chatting with this one girl who seemed interested in me. She asked me if I wanted to dance so we danced for a bit.. and then BAM I just got hit with all these depressing emotions.. my body just literally shut down.. I felt so guilty and we didn't even hook up. Is this something that's normal after a breakup.. I thought it would be a great thing to do but it just made me miss her a lot. Congratulations, you're normal. It's gonna be that way for a while. You're basically going to be on a Rollercoaster for a while and there are going to be a ton of things that trigger you. Some you will understand why, and some you won't. We have all taken a ride on that thing. It isn't fun, but it is necessary. .. Keep your head up.
Author grokcahsevol Posted June 28, 2015 Author Posted June 28, 2015 Yep, it is totally normal based on where you are at with your emotions and you will continue to feel this way with any girl you meet until you have broken away from your ex. Problem is, that have yourself convinced that it is "only" a break, when in fact it is a "break up". I think this is part of it as well.. if you read my (just met her) topic, she gave me my stuff, and we talked.. she said she wasn't going to see anyone and that this break or breakup was for her and us.. honestly she was everywhere with this.. she said we need to miss each other, then she said I'm not happy, then she said this could be a few weeks or months I'm not sure, I'm not sure if this is the right thing or the wrong thing, I'm going with my gut feeling So, she has me all confused..I really don't want to contact her and ask her anything. Your gf wanted a break. Have you discussed seeing other people with her? Is this a break where you are essentially split up, or a break where you both go away and process your thoughts re the relationship. The former scenario means you can see other people as you ARE split up, the latter can be confusing in that one partner may think they are free and the other is merely processing the relationship. Getting back together can be ruined if it is then obvious that one was seeing other people. Best to find out how your gf views seeing other people here, as the last thing you would want is to get back together and immediately split again, due to perceived infidelity. When we talked last, she told me she is not seeing anyone or going to see anyone. I told her you can't say that as other people will come into our lives and you may hookup without thinking. She also said "If im going to be in a relationship with anyone, it will be you" I'm not taking that word for anything. The act of dancing with someone new did a few things that brought on the depression. 1.) You're not ready to date yet. Pay attention to that. 2.) Reminded you of the ending of a LT relationship. I'm not sure how old you are but you were in a relationship for 9 years.....that's a long time and a significant percentage of your life. This is not going to be easy. Yes your depression seems normal and at times the negative feelings will come back for different reasons. What's important is that it won't last forever and you will be stronger individual when you become indifferent. You are a human with emotions. Give yourself a break. Start again with some positive coping skills. Good luck. I'm 26, she was 15, I was 17 when we met I know for sure I'm not ready to date yet, and have absolutely ZERO intentions on doing so. I can't even process the thought on having an emotional relationship with anyone. If anything, I'll be trying to hookup and have fun but it's just as hard. I also have a girl "friend" who I use to work with and I started flirting with her and we started to snapchat each other and same thing.. the guilt trip came in so I just deleted the app
aloneinaz Posted June 28, 2015 Posted June 28, 2015 I think the word "guilt" is wrong. You GF ended it by asking for a break (break up). Are you suppose to sit around in limbo (and alone) until "she" decides the next course of action? Most here wouldn't allow a "break" being presented to them. It's the other persons first step out the door to a full break up. I think you should address that with her. Ask "you still want us together or you don't". Don't be a door mat and allow her to control your life. You have nothing to be guilty about. Yes, you may feel the way you do but it simply means you have further healing to do in order to close that chapter of your life. I'm glad to hear you're able to go out and party and dance w/other girls. That's a great sign. When the time comes, you'll know when you're ready to casually date again. It doesn't mean you need to immediately jump into another LONG relationship. It means you can go out again and enjoy the company of the opposite sex.
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