Gloria25 Posted June 28, 2015 Share Posted June 28, 2015 Reading the responses to this thread is why I thank God every day that I'm not a man....I really do Responses ranged from this guy being "controlling" to having a "modesty fetish":rolleyes: Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted June 28, 2015 Share Posted June 28, 2015 Gloria, take it from someone alive at the time. Those were actually called "short-shorts" and some were right at your panty line. Some of those were not very short, but many wore very short shorts back then. Then a decade later, we wore short miniskirts. Then we need to get clear as to what the OP is referring to as "short-shorts"... Cuz, this is what I see/think when I hear "short-shorts" in this day/age and I NEVER have and NEVER will wear such (outside of the bedroom ).... http://assets.nydailynews.com/polopoly_fs/1.1887917!/img/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/gallery_1200/selena-gomez.jpg And trust me, unfortunately mum and I were downtown the other day and were walking behind three chicks - all with buttocks hanging all out and they were the wackiest thing ever Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted June 28, 2015 Share Posted June 28, 2015 "Maria, I love you very much, and that's not going to change, but your short shorts make me uncomfortable. I'm not asking you to stop wearing them; I'm just letting you know they make me uncomfortable and I prefer the longer ones. But I love you regardless of what you wear because I know your clothes don't change the wonderful person you are." Why is this "his" issue? Can anyone realistically tell me that how someone dresses does not make us think a certain way about them? If I see what now a days goes for "short-shorts", I'm thinking "easy chick". I'm not thinking "cute", "sexy" and/or the like. If we just could wear "anything"? Then why at certain jobs they require you to wear a uniform? Why don't we just walk around naked then? We have freedom to right? Since we've screwed up what marriage is about too - I say wear short-shorts to weddings, cuz how/where you dress doesn't matter, right? Link to post Share on other sites
lana-banana Posted June 28, 2015 Share Posted June 28, 2015 Why is this "his" issue? Can anyone realistically tell me that how someone dresses does not make us think a certain way about them? If I see what now a days goes for "short-shorts", I'm thinking "easy chick". I'm not thinking "cute", "sexy" and/or the like. If we just could wear "anything"? Then why at certain jobs they require you to wear a uniform? Why don't we just walk around naked then? We have freedom to right? Since we've screwed up what marriage is about too - I say wear short-shorts to weddings, cuz how/where you dress doesn't matter, right? You are too smart to be this facile so I assume you're doing it on purpose. No one anywhere in this thread is saying that appearances don't matter; all we're saying is appearances do not tell you about a person's values or self-worth. I am not going to engage you on what "short shorts" are, because you apparently believe that the (to me) pretty damn short examples preraph posted weren't short at all. Which further underscores the point that these are all subjective judgments. What you may consider scandalous may not seem scandalous at all to someone else, and vice-versa. And yes, why not wear short shorts to weddings if it's in line with the bride and groom's dress code? Or, if you're the bride, wear short shorts! Go for it! It's your wedding. Uniforms, businesses and professional expectations are a completely separate discussion. This is not about social judgments vis-a-vis attire. This is about whether you can demand your girlfriend wear longer shorts because otherwise she's jeopardizing her modesty. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
eye of the storm Posted June 28, 2015 Share Posted June 28, 2015 Why is this "his" issue? Can anyone realistically tell me that how someone dresses does not make us think a certain way about them? If I see what now a days goes for "short-shorts", I'm thinking "easy chick". I'm not thinking "cute", "sexy" and/or the like. If we just could wear "anything"? Then why at certain jobs they require you to wear a uniform? Why don't we just walk around naked then? We have freedom to right? Since we've screwed up what marriage is about too - I say wear short-shorts to weddings, cuz how/where you dress doesn't matter, right? Because his feelings about her clothes is his issue. It is only his issue. And realistically you do judge people by outer things. Different people judge differently. Some do it by clothes, some by skin color, some by weight...why is ok to judge and think ugly thoughts about a person because they wear short shorts and not because they are a different race? It is exactly the same thing. Ugly thoughts about a person you know nothing about. To me it says something more about judger than the judged. Why do certain jobs require uniforms or a dress code, maybe because you are accepting pay for a job and that job requires different things. Depending on the work environment you might need to wear thick materials or safety shoes to protect yourself. Or the boss wants to project a certain image. I have a girlfriend that has to wear green every day. Her boss thinks green is money and everyone there has to wear some shade of green every day. Silly but the pay makes it worth her while. As to the wedding, the bride can wear what ever she wants. I went to a nude wedding 10 years ago. My now ExH was horrified and refused to go, called them all kinds of nasty names.. But they are still happy as happy can be. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 28, 2015 Share Posted June 28, 2015 Gloria, women in the 50s, teens, wore shorts that showed the bottom of their cheeks. Nowhere does he say she is wearing shorts up her crack. He is encouraging her to wear "knee length shorts" for God's sake. Not his call. He can date her or not date her, but it's not his call. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TheGuard13 Posted June 28, 2015 Share Posted June 28, 2015 Im a 20 year old boy with an amazing girlfriend, who is also 20. We are in a steady and commited relationship, and we both want to marry and live together someday. She is perfect for me and im perfect for her, and we have been together for about 1 year soon. Now lately this lady of my dreams has started to wear short shorts. Im a very openminded guy No...no, you are very much NOT a "very openminded guy". Not based on this post, at least. You are, however, clearly a 20 year old boy. I don't find this controlling, per se...I just think its kind of passive-aggressive and pathetic. Unless the two of you communicate this way often, a letter is definitely not the way to address this issue. Simply mention it when you are face to face. Like a 20 year old man. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted June 29, 2015 Share Posted June 29, 2015 OP, what is your religious affiliation if you don't mind me asking? I ask because if you are a follower of Bill Gothard principles, the Josh Harris philosophy, very conservative Baptist, Church of God, or something similar, then I know where you are coming from. I grew up in a very very conservative church and young people's group, so much of what you are saying sounds familiar to me. Link to post Share on other sites
ascendotum Posted June 29, 2015 Share Posted June 29, 2015 No...no, you are very much NOT a "very openminded guy". Not based on this post, at least. You are, however, clearly a 20 year old boy. I don't find this controlling, per se...I just think its kind of passive-aggressive and pathetic. Unless the two of you communicate this way often, a letter is definitely not the way to address this issue. Simply mention it when you are face to face. Like a 20 year old man. To me this is the bigger negative issue here with his thread. Not why he is upset but the way he is going about dealing with it. Personally I love a gf that likes to show off her figure, as long as she doesn't dress skanky as the norm. For sure its not every guy's style when it comes to their gf, so while I don't fully appreciate why this upsets him, I get that for some men (and women as well who like to dress modest) its definitely an issue. Whenever i describe you to myself or others, i always use the word "modesty". oh boy. Dude, don't send that letter. Have a face to face discussion about this issue. You say you want to use a letter because she is on holidays, but just leave it till she comes back. Don't throw this at her while is should be relaxing on holidays. There's no need to rush her on this. At 20 she is in her peak sexy years and wants to show it off a little. Obviously when you met her she was not so head turning in her outfits, so its not quite a case of you trying to change her to suit some ideal. You have to take on and appreciate her blossoming persona as a young woman or she needs to accommodate your modesty on the way she dresses. Ideally a mutually acceptable compromise will be reached. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 29, 2015 Share Posted June 29, 2015 ^ Believe it or not, I grew up around a very conservative Hellfire and Damnation church community -- and those girls still wore short-shorts! But no dancing. Nooooo. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted June 29, 2015 Share Posted June 29, 2015 OP, I do not know if you will come back, but if this is religion-based, I urge you to consider how many of your group or church's tenets are actually extra-biblical. Extra-biblical means that while they may reference Scripture, they are not actually in the Bible. Let's take the famous verse, "Let your adornment not be MERELY the braiding of hair, putting on of rings, etc." That verse has been used to ban haircuts, makeup, hairstyling, jewelery, etc. People who use the verse in that way miss 2 things. First, the word MERELY. This verse is NOT saying do not braid your hair or wear rings. It is saying not to let your focus be MERELY on the external. In other words, get your priorities in order. If you read it in context, it goes on to say that your focus should be on the heart and spirit. In other words, the verses are telling us to focus more on inward qualities than outward appearance. Then there's the drinking debate. There is no verse anywhere in the Bible that says a Christian cannot take a drink. Churches have strung together unrelated verses about being drunk and causing people to stumble to make it SEEM like a sip of wine is a sin...but that is not actually in the Bible. I get it. I grew up in a church that added quite a lot of rules to the Bible. I consider myself an "extra-biblical legalism survivor" lol. Just make sure that the standard you think someone should follow is actually based in truth, not just some famous church leader's rule. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
bachdude Posted June 29, 2015 Share Posted June 29, 2015 Look, the way he worded this letter is not the best way to handle the situation, of course. But my philosophy is, if your partner does anything that triggers an emotional reaction in you, then it is perfectly OK to express it. But it needs to be done without any blaming. I think the way to handle a situation like this is to simply express those feelings and leave it up to the other person from that point on. Personally, I think if you care about someone, you will be considerate of their feelings even if you perceive them to be unreasonable. It's called LOVE folks. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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