dragonfire13 Posted June 28, 2015 Posted June 28, 2015 I mean, we've been broken up for a while so I knew this was bound to happen. I've too started dating again (without much luck). So why do I still feel jealous seeing him getting flirty with other girls?(thanks social media...yes I know I shouldn't check, but I guess I'm an emotional cutter). The logical part of my brain is kinda of glad to see it as I think it's the last stage of moving on - seeing them with someone else. It kinda feels like ripping off a Band-Aid. Plus, I remember how much of a douche he was towards me (when I was going through a bout of depression, he had limited patience, even saying he "wouldn't be surprised if I killed myself")....so it's not much of a loss. But I still feel sucky :-/ I guess my recent frustrations with dating haven't helped - it feels unfair that even someone as unpleasant as my ex seems to be having better luck in that area. Anyway, I guess I just needed to vent.
yellowhibiscus Posted June 28, 2015 Posted June 28, 2015 I mean, we've been broken up for a while so I knew this was bound to happen. I've too started dating again (without much luck). So why do I still feel jealous seeing him getting flirty with other girls?(thanks social media...yes I know I shouldn't check, but I guess I'm an emotional cutter). The logical part of my brain is kinda of glad to see it as I think it's the last stage of moving on - seeing them with someone else. It kinda feels like ripping off a Band-Aid. Plus, I remember how much of a douche he was towards me (when I was going through a bout of depression, he had limited patience, even saying he "wouldn't be surprised if I killed myself")....so it's not much of a loss. But I still feel sucky :-/ I guess my recent frustrations with dating haven't helped - it feels unfair that even someone as unpleasant as my ex seems to be having better luck in that area. Anyway, I guess I just needed to vent. I completely know how you feel. It's hard to know that someone that you loved, spent so much time with, and shared so many memories with could just walk away. Just keep remembering why you guys broke up in the first place and don't forget how much of a jackass he was and unsupportive he was during your hard times. He will be charming to other girls at first but don't worry, i'm sure they will get to see the bad side too at some point. And don't worry about not finding someone right away....you deserve what is best for you and simply don't settle for less! 1
Author dragonfire13 Posted June 28, 2015 Author Posted June 28, 2015 Thanks for the supportive words just gotta ride this feeling out I guess.
aloneinaz Posted June 28, 2015 Posted June 28, 2015 I guarantee you that if you had met some new, hot guy that rocked your world, you would'nt give a hoot about what your ex, douche bag BF was up too. It's normal to feel that way when dating isn't going well at the moment. As far as social media.. It's all a big show, a façade. People only post their best pictures while making themselves look like they're living the dream. It a big smoke and mirrors show. Don't read too much into it. Stay focused on you, not the train wreck that your last relationship was. Dating taking practice and lots of patience. You'll meet another guy and wonder why you put up with the last one as long as you did. 2
Author dragonfire13 Posted June 28, 2015 Author Posted June 28, 2015 (edited) Thanks for your supportive responses guys - helps more than you know! I was fully expecting "get over it, move on" responses, or being reprimanded for still snooping on (public) social media sites. It's nice to know this is a somewhat normal reaction to the "your ex finds someone first" situation. I guess it always gonna sting, especially if you were the dumpee. You're right though, once you meet someone who is a much better catch than your ex, you end up being grateful that they left you. And trust me, not to play the victim, but he said/did some truly nasty things...if I said some of those things to a person dealing with depression, I don't know how I'd sleep at night :-/ In the meantime, I'm patient and hopeful to find a healthy relationship with someone special. Edited June 28, 2015 by dragonfire13
Arieswoman Posted June 28, 2015 Posted June 28, 2015 dragonfire13, I think most people do this. It's the "maybe he'll treat someone else better" scenario. It's summed up very nicely here ;- The Dreaded Fear They're Going to Be Better for Someone Else - ChumpLady.com
Author dragonfire13 Posted June 29, 2015 Author Posted June 29, 2015 Arieswoman Thanks a lot for the read - could defo relate to parts of it and loved the salesman analogy. Even though my ex was an insensitive tactless jerk, he never cheated. Part of me feels like those qualities are changeable with maturity and truthfully, it would suck if he was able to change for her and not me. However, Im trying to be the bigger person and hope that's he has changed as I wouldn't want another girl to have to deal with such a jerk...I doubt it though, since that kind of change requires some serious reflecting...and if he had those thinking abilities in the first place, I don't think we would have had such major relationship issues 1
Arieswoman Posted June 29, 2015 Posted June 29, 2015 dragonfire13, You nailed it here ;- that kind of change requires some serious reflecting...and if he had those thinking abilities in the first place, I don't think we would have had such major relationship issues all he has now is the same book with a different cover.
foolinlove79 Posted June 29, 2015 Posted June 29, 2015 I guarantee you that if you had met some new, hot guy that rocked your world, you would'nt give a hoot about what your ex, douche bag BF was up too. It's normal to feel that way when dating isn't going well at the moment. As far as social media.. It's all a big show, a façade. People only post their best pictures while making themselves look like they're living the dream. It a big smoke and mirrors show. Don't read too much into it. Stay focused on you, not the train wreck that your last relationship was. Dating taking practice and lots of patience. You'll meet another guy and wonder why you put up with the last one as long as you did. I agree totally with the comments about social media. People only put up what they think will make them look good amd have a great life. My ex always rsvps to events and he didnt attend half of them. Just an image he is trying to portray to the world.
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