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The conundrum of being asexual


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Posted

Over time, I've come to identify myself as "asexual", meaning I have no real attraction to either gender. Even the idea of the actual act of sex is... unpleasant, to me. The "conundrum", however, is that I very much desire to have a "relationship" that's more meaningful than a simple friendship.

 

And I'm not sure how to go about doing that. There's a conflict between what I want, and what I am. I don't think being asexual is any more of a "condition" than being heterosexual or homosexual, so it's not like it can be "cured".

 

So I wonder, how does someone like myself go about dating and having meaningful "relationships" as an asexual? Is that even possible? And even if I were to date someone, what can be done about my apprehension about physical intimacy? Does anyone here have any real experience with asexuality, or is this problem too unusual?

Posted

I briefly dated someone several years ago who I thought was definitely asexual, and from research I did then, I know that there are asexual dating sites if you do a Google search. Good luck!

Posted

Easy, date people who have a low to zero sex drive. It's not going to work if you have to settle & end up having sex for their pleasure only. I guess it would be ok to do it for having kids. From what I've read in other forums, there's quite a few asexual women. The ones in relationships with sexual guys seem to look at sex as a chore they have to do to keep their partner with them. They seem very frustrated talking about it & doing it. They seem to wish the sex would stop & never happen again. Must really suck for both sides. I don't get why they get involved with sexual people. I made a thread about it awhile ago. The strangest thing about it to me is that many asexual people enjoy masturbation. Maybe those should be called selfsexual.

Posted (edited)

I googled and found this site....

 

Asexualitic . com

 

I suspect you find others like you just like hetero and homosexuals do...you actively search for them. I know of an asexual couple who have been married for thirteen years. The husband and I work out together occasionally at the gym. They procreated for children only. Nice couple.

Good luck,

Grumps

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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Posted
Easy, date people who have a low to zero sex drive. It's not going to work if you have to settle & end up having sex for their pleasure only. I guess it would be ok to do it for having kids. From what I've read in other forums, there's quite a few asexual women. The ones in relationships with sexual guys seem to look at sex as a chore they have to do to keep their partner with them. They seem very frustrated talking about it & doing it. They seem to wish the sex would stop & never happen again. Must really suck for both sides. I don't get why they get involved with sexual people. I made a thread about it awhile ago.

 

I wonder, though, out in the real world, how do you really identify those people? Usually, it's not overly difficult to tell if someone is heterosexual or homosexual, but I can't think of anyone I've met over my entire life that seemed "asexual", to me.

 

Even on a basic level, it's difficult for me to identify someone I'd even want to pursue to ask on a date in order to get to know, because my sense of attraction is... "different". At least someone who is heterosexual or homosexual can identify people they find attractive on a basic level, and go from there. What does one do that isn't "attracted" to anyone?

 

I suppose online dating sites are an option. Maybe some day, I'll relent and give it a try, but I'm really not a fan of online dating.

 

The strangest thing about it to me is that many asexual people enjoy masturbation. Maybe those should be called selfsexual.

 

I guess my views on sex are a bit more complicated than I originally stated. I'd say I have something resembling a slightly below average "sex drive", but my urges are never really directed at anyone or anything specific. It's like my body just decides that it's "in the mood". I do masturbate once every couple of days or so, but it's not very enjoyable, because I don't really "fantasize" or think about anyone or anything while I'm doing it. It's just a means to an end.

 

I also seem to have a weird fascination with sex. I watch porn fairly regularly (not "professionally" done stuff, I hate that stuff; I mean "amateur" videos of real couples), and I guess I get aroused by the visualization, but I'm more fascinated at just seeing people performing the act together. I don't know why I find it so fascinating in that way. But I just can't imagine myself ever actually participating. I don't even know why I say that, exactly, I just can't imagine myself doing that, and honestly, I really don't think it would be very pleasurable or satisfying for the other person if I did.

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