DeannaT Posted June 28, 2015 Posted June 28, 2015 I’m not sure what to do. I have found out my husband is cheating but not sure what the process is to get out of this here in the US. I am an Australian, my husband American, we were married here and have been married 4 years. I haven’t even told him I know yet, I found a phone hidden away when I was cleaning so I switched it on and checked it as I hadn’t seen it before. It must be his second phone and it’s clear from the messages on it that he was and is having affairs. One with our neighbor who has since moved away about a year ago and is currently having an affair with his best friends wife which had been going on for years but for the last year she has been begging him to leave me and she will leave her husband so they can be together. There is also one night stands and even a woman that was with him and his slut mistress, if that’s the right term for her. There is 7 women in total dating back to before we were married. There is no doubt this is true and there is plenty of nude photos between them to add much weight to it being real. As much as I would like to know why I really don’t want to go through this with him, I just want it over and to move back home to my family. I’m not interested in counseling, there is no chance of reconciling (unless the law states I have to try here?). I really don’t even care about punishing him, just let me have half of everything and I will walk away. Is this possible? Do I have to stay here until it’s all finished or can I move back to Australia? If I stay here can we live under the same roof but still be separated to start the divorce process? What information do I need to arm myself with here? Can he contest the divorce? I want to walk away but I have put so much into making our business successful, sacrificing so much, that I refuse to walk away without my fair share. I also have to decide how public this is to become because I have always been of the though process that one should mind their own business but now I find myself conflicted about whether I should expose him to his best mate. Thanks in advance.
d0nnivain Posted June 28, 2015 Posted June 28, 2015 You need a lawyer who specializes in divorce AND immigration. There are special issues when one spouse is not a US citizen. INS requires that the US spouse pay certain amounts of support, different from alimony because the US spouse signed certain immigration forms. You don't need evidence of the cheating. Most US states have what's called no fault divorce. You could want out simply because today is Monday. 5
No Limit Posted June 28, 2015 Posted June 28, 2015 Expose him to his "best mate", definitely. Do it ASAP. And what d0nnivain wrote. Also, expose the women to each other - this will give them a nice taste for dating married men.
NoLeafClover Posted June 28, 2015 Posted June 28, 2015 If you are married to a u.s citizen for a couple of years I think you become a u.s citizen too. Non the less you should talk to an attorney. No one here can help you to that extend especially since each state is different. Some states have a no fault divorce where it doesn't matter who cheated etc. Some others need the evidence and you might want to take a pic or video of the stuff on his phone just incase.
Minnie09 Posted June 28, 2015 Posted June 28, 2015 If you are married to a u.s citizen for a couple of years I think you become a u.s citizen too. Non the less you should talk to an attorney. No one here can help you to that extend especially since each state is different. Some states have a no fault divorce where it doesn't matter who cheated etc. Some others need the evidence and you might want to take a pic or video of the stuff on his phone just incase. Not if she doesn't apply for citizenship. And after 4 years that would be too soon anyways, so she's probably a green card holder and permanent resident. Which doesn't make a difference. I don't read about kids, so that's good. Otherwise he could interfere with her moving back home (with kids). Talk to a lawyer, of course you're entitled to half of everything that has been "earned" during those 4 years of M (401k, house, other assets), and you can go back home anytime. But you'll have to be back to finalize, ie show up in court and sign the decree. In the meantime your lawyer can handle everything, and there's e-mail and phone communication these days, which is nice, so you're free to be wherever you want while the attorneys work it out. Good luck!
d0nnivain Posted June 28, 2015 Posted June 28, 2015 If you are married to a u.s citizen for a couple of years I think you become a u.s citizen too.. No you get specialized immigration status . . . hence the forms I referenced. You do not automatically become a citizen. You have to take affirmative steps to be a citizen.
Trishern Posted June 28, 2015 Posted June 28, 2015 Definitely see an attorney. Get tested for STDs ASAP. Tell his best mate. If you think he'll get nasty about it, then do it anonymously He's a serial cheater and will never change. The divorce will be quicker if he can offer you a fair settlement and you deal with it via mediation. I hope you heal from this and go on to find a faithful partner eventually. Mrs. Trishern 1
SoleMate Posted June 28, 2015 Posted June 28, 2015 Divorce laws vary state by state. There is no substitute for consulting a family lawyer in your jurisdiction. If you could find one who also does immigration, that would be ideal. OTOH, since you are not interested in staying in the US, that should simplify matters. The following are general answers that are true in many US states but not all: * There is no requirement for serious efforts at reconciliation * There is no requirement for staying in state until the divorce is complete - it can all be handled at a distance or via paperwork (especially if no kids) * All 50 states allow no-fault divorce, so no matter how hard your husband resists/objects/fights back/fails to cooperate, you can still get a divorce. (It just takes longer and costs more.) * There is typically a waiting period after filing, before finalizing. * If I stay here can we live under the same roof but still be separated to start the divorce process? Probably, but again, state law can vary. If you want to separate legally while still sharing an address, your lawyer may advise you to sleep in different beds, stop sharing meals, stop socializing together, and create a written separation agreement. Otherwise, you risk resetting the waiting period. Again, you must have competent legal counsel in your state, and share all the exact facts with him/her. If you can't pay a lawyer, you can get an order for your husband to pay. Good luck, very sorry about the way things have turned out, but you're doing the right thing.
mightycpa Posted June 29, 2015 Posted June 29, 2015 Not sure what you're financial status is, but I'd get as much of that "half" in cash as I could. If you can get it all in cash, then have that conversation with an attorney on the way to the airport. And don't forget to buy the plane tickets using his credit card.
Author DeannaT Posted June 29, 2015 Author Posted June 29, 2015 Thank You everyone for taking the time to reply. Not sure what you're financial status is, but I'd get as much of that "half" in cash as I could. Unfortunately we are cash poor. We have everything tied up in a successful multi-pronged business and dismantling it would be next to impossible. He will need to find someone to buy my half out or buy me out himself but although the books show a very profitable business we are in a rather niche market and attracting investors will not be an easy task. There is no substitute for consulting a family lawyer in your jurisdiction. I will be doing that of course. You would think after 4 years here I would have developed enough friendships that I could bounce ideas of my friends but I only really had one close friend and now I find out she is sleeping with my soon to be ex. I have been Googling to try and find someone good locally. Tell his best mate. If you think he'll get nasty about it, then do it anonymously I think I'll steer clear of this. Once I confront my husband it will all come out by itself, I don't need to take on someone elses issues right now. Speaking of confronting him, what do I do? I know that sounds quite pathetic but I am freaking out about it. I don't really want to do it with anyone else around and the truth is I have no-one anyway. I was just going to leave to phone on the table with a short note telling him I have seen it all and want a divorce. It should be pretty clear why and that there is no chance of forgiveness. I know we will have to sit down properly and discuss the details but I'm not sure I can sleep in the same bed many more nights without going crazy. I just want to move into the spare room and start the ball rolling and cross my fingers that he wont make it difficult.
Author DeannaT Posted July 7, 2015 Author Posted July 7, 2015 Boy oh boy how quick people change. I told him I knew and he played dumb telling me how much he loved me and how he would never cheat. I threw the phone at him and he just snapped and unleashed the biggest verbal tirade one could ever imagine, apparently it's all my fault. I walked away and asked him to be gone by the time I got back. I was surprised when I got back a few hours later that he had packed and left. I found out that he rang his slutty mistress and she immediately went after him. I don't know exactly how it all happened but her husband found them and ended up putting mine in hospital. He has since been charged, mine is still in hospital. They can all have each other as far as I'm concerned. I just find it disheartening that people I thought were genuine ended up being cheaters and thugs. At the same time I have had incredible support from people I only considered acquaintances. I guess I'm not that aood a judge of character. I retained a lawyer who (although she didn't say the words) seemed to be encouraging me to say I was abused, I am not going to lie. I have since retained a new lawyer and although I wanted a woman and he's not he does seem to understand me and knows I'm not looking for a killer blow just what is fair. He says I can stay in the US if I wanted based on a number of factors like business interests but as much as I love this country I think I need to be with family and never should have left that support group. I have also seen a counselor (only once so far) and she suggests I keep talking so I hope it's ok if I keep doing that here, the anonymity allows me to open up more than I can to others. It is quite cathartic to write things down that I would never share with friends or family. I haven't done that here yet but I am sure the time will come where I will be able to share more of how I ended up in the situation I did, and hopefully I learn about myself along the way. Oh, and for the record, I do feel sorry for my husband, as much as he hurt me physical violence was never on my agenda, that lies entirely on his best mates shoulders.
mightycpa Posted July 7, 2015 Posted July 7, 2015 "Successful" and profitable mulitpronged businesses with profits throw off streams of cash, not merely the ability to generate sales or display a bunch of shiny new inventory on the shelves. After all, what is profit if not the excess of what you take in vs. what you spend? And what is success if you're cash poor? And why wouldn't an investor want a piece of a successful business? They don't care what you sell, as long as you're selling lots of it and you're raking in the cash. And there's the rub. So unless you are taking fancy Manhattan real estate in trade for whatever you sell, this mightycpa thinks you're going to be disappointed when the business is valued. Better get yourself a shark lawyer who also understands business valuation, or one to represent you in that arena. Not all divorce attorneys do.
Author DeannaT Posted July 8, 2015 Author Posted July 8, 2015 you're going to be disappointed when the business is valued. There was an offer on the table a year ago which we rejected. I know the business has grown since then but I would even be happy to get half of what that offer was. It's amazing to see that when you leave you husband how so many people come out of the woodwork and tell you their stories about him and expect me to be happy that they're telling me. I don't need reinforcement that I am doing the right thing but it would have been helpful if they told me what they knew about him years ago. Without going into detail there are more women, strippers, prostitutes and even a pregnancy of a teenager that was kept quiet by her parents to protect her reputation. I have been quite the fool. And for some unknown reason I still have feelings for him. A sucker born every minute hey?
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