pray925 Posted June 28, 2015 Posted June 28, 2015 I've been dating a great guy from over two months. We see each other several times a week. However, sometimes between dates, I don't hear from him. For example, we went out last night. We stayed out late and had deep conversations (he really opened up to me and me to him). He said he wanted to keep seeing me and enjoyed talking to me. He's the type of man that means what he says and claims that at his age, he doesn't have time to play around. Thus far today, I haven't heard from him. I'm just curious if that's the norm now that we're more comfortable with each other. I know he had plans with friends, but I'm just a little ehhh about it.
SunnySide0418 Posted June 28, 2015 Posted June 28, 2015 After two months I'd want/need daily contact. Even just a brief exchange. 1
Author pray925 Posted June 28, 2015 Author Posted June 28, 2015 So if I don't hear from him, is it up to me to initiate? He said he wanted to see me this weekend.
angel.eyes Posted June 28, 2015 Posted June 28, 2015 There is no norm around communication. There's just what you need. I'm used to guys calling me once or twice a day. Rarely, I end up dating a guy who didn't communicate regularly between dates. There was a time when I would say something, but now I just let things die a natural death. It's an early sign that we have different communication styles and needs. Understand what you need in someone you date. At its core, dating is about identifying someone compatible, not bending over backwards to accept everyone regardless of fit.
Author pray925 Posted June 28, 2015 Author Posted June 28, 2015 There is no norm around communication. There's just what you need. I'm used to guys calling me once or twice a day. Rarely, I end up dating a guy who didn't communicate regularly between dates. There was a time when I would say something, but now I just let things die a natural death. It's an early sign that we have different communication styles and needs. Understand what you need in someone you date. I don't need constant communication. I don't need hin to always be talking to me. He's well aware of my independence. But sometimes I fear his lack of communication is a sign of disinterest.
fitnessfan365 Posted June 28, 2015 Posted June 28, 2015 After two months I'd want/need daily contact. Even just a brief exchange. Need as in needy.. I mean if you're seeing someone regularly in person (at least 3x a week), why the need to talk every single day? Why not be happy with consistency of getting together and touching base a few of the other days you don't see each other? I think it's actually a good thing to have a bit of time away from each other where you focus on yourself every week.
angel.eyes Posted June 28, 2015 Posted June 28, 2015 So if I don't hear from him, is it up to me to initiate? He said he wanted to see me this weekend. If you'd never initiated contact, try contacting him first. He may be worried that you aren't interested...especially after a very personal conversation on your last date. How have you made it clear to him that you're engaged in getting to know him and eager to date him?
Author pray925 Posted June 28, 2015 Author Posted June 28, 2015 If you'd never initiated contact, try contacting him first. He may be worried that you aren't interested...especially after a very personal conversation on your last date. How have you made it clear to him that you're engaged in getting to know him and eager to date him? I do initiate. Our last outing was my idea. I also invited him out today, but he had previous engagements and couldn't make it. I've never explicitly told him. He said he was interested in spending more time with me and I told him, "I'd like that". So yes?
angel.eyes Posted June 28, 2015 Posted June 28, 2015 Great! The last date was your doing. You asked him out again after that, and he couldn't meet because he had plans with friends. The ball is really in his court at this point. What prompted the thread tonight? Has there been a change in communication frequency? Seeming level of interest or engagement?
Author pray925 Posted June 28, 2015 Author Posted June 28, 2015 Great! The last date was your doing. You asked him out again after that, and he couldn't meet because he had plans with friends. The ball is really in his court at this point. What prompted the thread tonight? Has there been a change in communication frequency? Seeming level of interest or engagement? No, mostly just curious if it's a normal part of the eb and flow of dating. He messaged me when he got home telling me he had a great night and I replied I did as well and thanked him for joining me (we went to an event he's not a huge fan of. But he did it for me). Since then, I haven't heard from him today.
angel.eyes Posted June 28, 2015 Posted June 28, 2015 Okay. See how things go. If you haven't heard from him by Monday, I would send him a nice text wishing him a great week at work and mentioning that you would like to get together next weekend. Keep it light and flirty.
ThisisIt606 Posted June 28, 2015 Posted June 28, 2015 I like to have contact in between dates just to keep of the momentum and feel like I can share something funny,exciting, etc that happened with them whenever I want. Also to ask about their day/see what's going on with them. I like to use texting for this purpose and also to set up the next date. If the lack of contact between dates bothers your, try initiating some (ask questions) and see how he responds.
candie13 Posted June 28, 2015 Posted June 28, 2015 Okay. See how things go. If you haven't heard from him by Monday, I would send him a nice text wishing him a great week at work and mentioning that you would like to get together next weekend. Keep it light and flirty. absolutely disagree. if you want him to make more contact you need to give him space to make more contact, not to create contact at his place. It's like a dance, you need to give him the space and the opportunity to make his dance move, otherwise it's not a dance, it's a solo. I would say, if anything, to give him more space and make yourself less available. It's a dynamic, it is supposed to make him naturally more drawn to you, if indeed, he is as involved as you are. MAke sure you let him do his moves and stop initiating dates. See what happens. The purpose is also to get a genuine sense of his interest level. If he withdraws further... then you have your answer. You could also stop contacting him and if he continues with his behavior, you could actually spell it out for him and see his reaction. But first: stop trying this hard. He's a man, why deny him the pleasure of the chase? Be cool and it'll all be ok
Author pray925 Posted June 28, 2015 Author Posted June 28, 2015 absolutely disagree. if you want him to make more contact you need to give him space to make more contact, not to create contact at his place. It's like a dance, you need to give him the space and the opportunity to make his dance move, otherwise it's not a dance, it's a solo. I would say, if anything, to give him more space and make yourself less available. It's a dynamic, it is supposed to make him naturally more drawn to you, if indeed, he is as involved as you are. MAke sure you let him do his moves and stop initiating dates. See what happens. The purpose is also to get a genuine sense of his interest level. If he withdraws further... then you have your answer. You could also stop contacting him and if he continues with his behavior, you could actually spell it out for him and see his reaction. But first: stop trying this hard. He's a man, why deny him the pleasure of the chase? Be cool and it'll all be ok He's initiated a lot of our outing so I figured I'd reciprocate. I'm not actively chasing him at all. I give him space. I let him make his own decisions. I don't mind the lag of communication at times, I understand how men work. My issue would be him asking to do something or see me tomorrow and I say yes since I want to see him. It creates a sense that he can have me when he wants. But, on the flip side, turning him down to look "unavailable" would be playing games. And I'm not into that.
angel.eyes Posted June 28, 2015 Posted June 28, 2015 You can engage in mind games and dances...or you can be straightforward and focus on finding someone compatible for a long-term relationship. Withdrawing and playing hot and cold on someone generally leads to the former.
Author pray925 Posted June 28, 2015 Author Posted June 28, 2015 You can engage in mind games and dances...or you can be straightforward and focus on finding someone compatible for a long-term relationship. Withdrawing and playing hot and cold on someone generally leads to the former. Is it normal to have this sort of dynamic in a growing relationship? I know every man is different and I don't need the constant communication, but sometimes my insecurities get the best of me. My friends reassure me that it's OK, but I'm just not sure if it's normal..
candie13 Posted June 28, 2015 Posted June 28, 2015 He's initiated a lot of our outing so I figured I'd reciprocate. I'm not actively chasing him at all. I give him space. I let him make his own decisions. I don't mind the lag of communication at times, I understand how men work. My issue would be him asking to do something or see me tomorrow and I say yes since I want to see him. It creates a sense that he can have me when he wants. But, on the flip side, turning him down to look "unavailable" would be playing games. And I'm not into that. Well, actually no. You would be setting your own limits. And he will need to respect them. Most men respect women who have a life. Saying no to a date is not playing mind games. You would be listening to that inner voice telling you "hey, maybe this guy thinks he can have me when he wants to". Men constantly need to chase. After one, two or 20 months. IF you feel that you are too available, it's most likely because you are too available. Learn to say No and not feel guilty about it. It will give you a fantastic opportunity to learn more about him, about you and about your relationship. oh, and one more thing: educate yourself to listen to your intuition. On the long term, it's your best ally.
SunnySide0418 Posted June 28, 2015 Posted June 28, 2015 (edited) Need as in needy.. I mean if you're seeing someone regularly in person (at least 3x a week), why the need to talk every single day? Why not be happy with consistency of getting together and touching base a few of the other days you don't see each other? I think it's actually a good thing to have a bit of time away from each other where you focus on yourself every week. Need as in I tend to have a hard time staying interested otherwise. I also take it as a sign of disinterest. I find myself thinking if he was that into me wouldn't he at least want to touch base? That's just how I am and what would make me happy right or wrong. I don't feel closeness if days go by and no contact is made. I think I am a little needy in this way. Edited June 28, 2015 by SunnySide0418
Gary S Posted June 28, 2015 Posted June 28, 2015 After two months of dating a guy, if you don't know what you have, you have nothing, and probably never will with that man. When you know, you know.
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