drade Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 Hello all. Long story short, my ex and I have been broken up for a month. It was a messy breakup, I texted a girl, got caught, she dumped me, and I learned an invalueable lesson. Tried for three weeks to get her back, started going to therapy (for myself), stayed in contact, which became toxic. I then told her I don't want to speak to her / will stay away from her for a while, I need to heal and reach indifference. She's confused, she tells me she still uses my water bottle, "I eat a muffin two days ago and didn't take more than one bite" (we use to eat muffins all the time together), she seems to be have keeping tabs on me (have a lot of mutual friends). I have been going out and having fun in my local city, and she brought up that "you've gone out more single than you did with me. Why aren't you being yourself at home playing video games or going to the movies?" I told her I need to not sit at home and get sucked into the depressive thoughts of her not wanting me back. She then proceeds to tell me "I'm not over the thought of our relationship, I just can't be with someone I can't trust." Long story short, she thought I hated her, sent me an email stating "it was never supposed to be like this... im sorry, love .." That was after five days of NC. I called her to explain things. She texted me saying she felt better. I asked her (yes as the dumpee I should not ask!) if we could meet Monday. She asked if I was going to be able to handle it emotionally, and I said of course. She then went back to her selfish self "I start vacation Monday so no emotions from both of us, high spirits, happiness winky face." Never responded after that. What is the point of meeting up Monday? To get my **** back, and to tell her, for the fourth time, and the last time, that I don't want to see or talk to you, for the sake of my sanity, to heal, and to move on. I have no expectations going into this meeting. But she is the type of person who just doesn't understand unless its in person. I'm sick of her mind games, I am sick of being an emotional tampon, and I just want to move on and get my life back. Thoughts?
mightycpa Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 Make a movie of you saying "Whenever you get the urge to contact me, I want you to watch this before you do. Don't do it. I don't want to hear from you." Then, after you've gotten your stuff, said your goodbyes and say whatever was left unsaid, as you are about to leave, tell her that you want to give her one final thing to remember you by. Then text her that movie, right in front of her face, and have her watch it before you go, and ask her if she has any questions. Oh, and for the record, I don't think therapy is required for texting a girl while you had a girlfriend. You could have banged her three ways to Sunday, and I still don't think that's called for. You presumably had a little interest in someone. There were consequences to your actions. That's pretty normal. Lesson learned, as you say. Similarly, if she just can't be with someone she can't trust, then what I recommended up above is her lesson. That has consequences too. 1
Author drade Posted June 27, 2015 Author Posted June 27, 2015 That's actually a really good idea. She told me she doesn't want her and I to end up like me and my other ex (we had NC for three years). Tough luck, either we attempt to reconcile and move forward, or don't exist in my life. Make a movie of you saying "Whenever you get the urge to contact me, I want you to watch this before you do. Don't do it. I don't want to hear from you." Then, after you've gotten your stuff, said your goodbyes and say whatever was left unsaid, as you are about to leave, tell her that you want to give her one final thing to remember you by. Then text her that movie, right in front of her face, and have her watch it before you go, and ask her if she has any questions. Oh, and for the record, I don't think therapy is required for texting a girl while you had a girlfriend. You could have banged her three ways to Sunday, and I still don't think that's called for. You presumably had a little interest in someone. There were consequences to your actions. That's pretty normal. Lesson learned, as you say. Similarly, if she just can't be with someone she can't trust, then what I recommended up above is her lesson. That has consequences too.
aloneinaz Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 I'm sorry but really, what value is there in "meeting up" on Monday? Are you not simply tired of all this silly drama? You screwed up. Got it. You apologized, she said she can't trust you. What's left to talk about? I'm mean really? You've both texted and been nasty and said what you need to say. Have a friend get your stuff and bring your stuff to you. There.. All done. Now, stop the drama, go NC and vanish from her life, at least for a few months. I bet if you could do this, clarity will hit you about this girl or that relationship not providing what you wanted which was why you texted another girl.
pidgeon1010 Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 What is the point of meeting up Monday? To get my **** back, and to tell her, for the fourth time, and the last time, that I don't want to see or talk to you, for the sake of my sanity, to heal, and to move on. I have no expectations going into this meeting. But she is the type of person who just doesn't understand unless its in person. No one can force you to see or talk to them. You can block her from sending you texts if it bothers you. If you are honest with yourself, I suspect the meeting is just another way for you to maintain contact with her. You have already told her three other times that you don't want to see or talk to her, but you've failed to stick to it because you continue to see and/or talk to her. Text her about your stuff and have her mail to you or drop it off somewhere where you can pick it up. What are you trying to make her understand? She broke up with you. You don't need to meet with her to discuss the fact that you want to move on. Silence speaks volumes.
darkfoxjj Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 That's actually a really good idea. She told me she doesn't want her and I to end up like me and my other ex (we had NC for three years). Tough luck, either we attempt to reconcile and move forward, or don't exist in my life. She didn't want to break up with you at all. You forced her to do it to save her self respect. And you did not want to break up either - yet you were texting this other girl... Wauw. Anyway I don't know exactly what you have told her yet. But I think that if you tell her you are truly sorry about it. And make her FEEL like you care - by holding her hands, doing something romantic or whatever. You might be able to swing this **** around (atleast slowly). Whatever you do - DO NOT ARGUE WITH HER-. Or just throw the towel in the ring.
Author drade Posted June 27, 2015 Author Posted June 27, 2015 If I text her saying I can't meet after she agreed to I feel like id seem like a weakling. She says she tired of me saying I will try and won't try or will talk or won't. She wants consistency so I'm trying to do that What is the point of meeting up Monday? To get my **** back, and to tell her, for the fourth time, and the last time, that I don't want to see or talk to you, for the sake of my sanity, to heal, and to move on. I have no expectations going into this meeting. But she is the type of person who just doesn't understand unless its in person. No one can force you to see or talk to them. You can block her from sending you texts if it bothers you. If you are honest with yourself, I suspect the meeting is just another way for you to maintain contact with her. You have already told her three other times that you don't want to see or talk to her, but you've failed to stick to it because you continue to see and/or talk to her. Text her about your stuff and have her mail to you or drop it off somewhere where you can pick it up. What are you trying to make her understand? She broke up with you. You don't need to meet with her to discuss the fact that you want to move on. Silence speaks volumes.
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