Calidude6 Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 I don't get how people can go from one relationship to the next within a few months of a break up. Especially if the previous relationship was a long and good one. I know typically these types of relationships are rebounds but what if it isn't? Does that mean the previous relationship was nothing to the person or they cheated? Who knows.... I guess personally I don't get it because when I invest my time with someone, it takes me awhile to jump into another relationship with someone and start all over. They say rebounds typically don't last and why is that? Just something they need to fill the void till they feel better? I think my ex is in a relationship already after 4 months since we broke up. I think she's been talking to him since we broke up. Honestly, I hope she feels some pain with this guy for leaving me but then I wish her nothing but happiness. Anyways, I just don't get how they do it but hey, part of being human I guess.
elaine567 Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 Most do it because They checked out of the relationship weeks, months, even years before the actual split. They are thus emotionally stable and ready to move on.They need someone in their life and just about anyone will do to fill the gap.They already had someone in mind. Breaking up frees them to go pursue things with that other person. - Some wait for the split. - Some were cheating before the splitThey weren't ever "in love", so breaking up was no big deal.They were actually glad and relieved that the relationship ended.They are leaning on the other person for support to get over the break up. 8
mightycpa Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 There are three ways this can happen: Being "in love" runs its course (i.e., the illusion is gone), and they don't see enough in you to make them want to keep you around.You do something that turns them off to you; something about your behavior flips the switch.They develop an interest in someone else, which kills their continuing interest in you. Whatever you've fallen victim too, once a person is done, they're done. It doesn't change what came before, it only changes what happens after. They may have sincerely been in love with you, but once it's over, then it is not likely to return, even if they start second-guessing their recent decision. The thing is that while they may indeed get into a relationship with someone, and truly have sincere interest, there are many (most, I think) who simply cannot fall in love so quickly, like back-to-back, one after another. That said, some people can, and they do. Whether they do or not is immaterial to you. It does not change what happened in the past. That has already changed. 3
aloneinaz Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 Wow.. some great posts to your questions already. On top of what was already stated, I'll add this. EVERYONE is wired differently. I was hurt and crushed after my lousy R/S was ended. I picked myself up and started dating 6-8 weeks later. Why? Because I didn't feel sitting at home for weeks/months while only thinking about someone who didn't want me in their life was healthy. I knew I wouldn't go back to her. I met my now almost 2 year GF 3 months after my ex dumped me. I couldn't be happier. It felt great when my ex reappeared at 5.5 months post break up wanting me back and getting to tell her "no thanks".. Life's short. I'll never wrap my brain around people who say or spend 6+ months mourning a relationship that failed. F-that. Someone doesn't want you in their life (which is their right), ok. Yes, it sucks and it hurts but we need to move on to someone who will appreciate us. Everyone who's dating is recovering from their last relationship. EVERYONE. Some are more healed than others. Everyone heals at their own rate. Everyone copes the way they need to. I'm not right 100% in my views. I just know that many people have successfully moved onto better relationships after their last one ended. They couldn't of done that by sitting home for months and months.. 1
d0nnivain Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 Especially if I ended it, I never spent that much time between relationships. By the time I made the decision to end a relationship, I had already worked to keep it together & was now emotionally over it for the most part.
Meli22 Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 Everyone is different! Some people get straight back to dating to avoid the pain and fill the void, hence rebound relationships. Others may have checked out emotionally a long time ago so they are ready to meet others. I think from personal experience that a lot of people who do this are doing so because they can't be alone. My ex before me was always involved with someone, whether it be casual or serious, or even people he wasn't interested in but just wanted company. People like that can't be alone, they get bored easily and/or just need some kind of attention off someone. I know plenty of people like that. I split up around 3 months ago and was briefly dating someone for a few weeks around 2 months after. It was going well but he wanted more than I did, and I don't think I was into him enough to want more. That's not to say I'm completely over my ex but I'm open to dating and if the right person comes along its a bonus 1
Brigit1 Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 Most do it because They checked out of the relationship weeks, months, even years before the actual split. They are thus emotionally stable and ready to move on.They need someone in their life and just about anyone will do to fill the gap.They already had someone in mind. Breaking up frees them to go pursue things with that other person. - Some wait for the split. - Some were cheating before the splitThey weren't ever "in love", so breaking up was no big deal.They were actually glad and relieved that the relationship ended.They are leaning on the other person for support to get over the break up. Yep! Also, a lot of people have trouble being alone. If I were to divorce today by next month I'd probably be engaged.
Meli22 Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 Yep! Also, a lot of people have trouble being alone. If I were to divorce today by next month I'd probably be engaged. That is scary lol 1
aloneinaz Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 My last ex was a "tree swinger".. She jumped from relationship to relationship so she didn't have to deal with her issues. I saw her on a dating site like 6 days after she ended us.. I couldn't eat or sleep at the time and I was like "really"? Yea, you really loved me, didn't you. She dated then had a short relationship of I think 2 months before ending that. A week or two later she was trying to get me back.. I don't think people should end a relationship and date a week later. At least take a month or two to get your head right. I do STRONGLY agree that most dumpers had checked out of the relationship long before ending it. It makes it that much easier to move right into their next relationship.
Meli22 Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 Oh yeah I also saw my ex on Tinder not long after we broke up. I can't say much because I was on it but it definitely hit a nerve! His bio made me cringe so much though
Clarence_Boddicker Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 The why only matters if it's because you are doing something that most people find offensive in a relationship & bail. If your behavior is normal, then there's nothing you could have done differently. The how & what's next are more important to me. How they ended it is important, because that can affect your healing. What's next is all up to you. Learn from mistakes of the past & if necessary, be more selective of your next partner.
Happines Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 I was with my ex for two years and lived together for over a year...I broke up with him because I found out he kissed a girl whilst drunk in a club plus he did many other things that were constantly hurting me...I realised that I was starting to get depressed in this relationship and was constantly feeling alone...he told me over and over again he will change but he never did a subtle thing Now I moved out 3 weeks ago...he was still saying how he will seek help sort himself out and do all it takes to make us work but at the same time he was already chatting with loads of girls removed relationship status first day of Mr moving out and from what I understood he started seeing someone one week after my move out So yes I am hurt and sad because I loved this person so much and took care of him loads...worst part is that he lied in my fave about his feelings to me So moving on in few months is still on because some move on in a week Now I think that the healthy way is to grieve and get yourself fixed emotionally and be one happy before starting dating because otherwise you will just hurt other people who don't deserve such behaviour So what your ex or my ex is doing is simply potty because they can't b alone and can't face the problems so honestly don't think about it too much because most likely they aren't even happy and u deserve much much better person
OldSoul86 Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 On the contrary, take my situation for example - I just lost a friend because I did not want to pursue a romantic relationship with her. I told her that I didn't want anything serious and that I wanted to be friends - and if something down the line were to happen, I'd be open to it. Apparently, my honesty with her and myself meant that she decided to cut contact. When my ex and I broke up, I flat out told myself that I did NOT want to rebound because I genuinely want to be happy with myself before jumping back into the dating pool. This is the thanks I get for my honesty. I get an ex girlfriend who has emailed me post breakup about how this is all my fault and is making me feel extremely guilty for being honest with myself and her - AND THEN, I lose a person who I could have had a good friendship with, which may have developed into something more when the time was right. Damned if you do, damned if you don't it seems.
Meli22 Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 On the contrary, take my situation for example - I just lost a friend because I did not want to pursue a romantic relationship with her. I told her that I didn't want anything serious and that I wanted to be friends - and if something down the line were to happen, I'd be open to it. Apparently, my honesty with her and myself meant that she decided to cut contact. When my ex and I broke up, I flat out told myself that I did NOT want to rebound because I genuinely want to be happy with myself before jumping back into the dating pool. This is the thanks I get for my honesty. I get an ex girlfriend who has emailed me post breakup about how this is all my fault and is making me feel extremely guilty for being honest with myself and her - AND THEN, I lose a person who I could have had a good friendship with, which may have developed into something more when the time was right. Damned if you do, damned if you don't it seems. Why did you break up?
OldSoul86 Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 Why did you break up? I don't want to hijack this thread - but short and simple: I want kids, she doesn't and got sterilized to ensure that she can't.
Meli22 Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 I don't want to hijack this thread - but short and simple: I want kids, she doesn't and got sterilized to ensure that she can't. I see.. Sorry to hear about that, sucks 1
Tayla Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 resilency plan and simple. Ask anyone who has been thru a life changer , and most say they picked up rather quickly. I personally do not care to bounce around.. its fickle. Nor do i need a person to "complete" me. Ricochet is for things.. not people. 1
frigginlost Posted June 28, 2015 Posted June 28, 2015 resilency plan and simple. Ask anyone who has been thru a life changer , and most say they picked up rather quickly. I personally do not care to bounce around.. its fickle. Nor do i need a person to "complete" me. Ricochet is for things.. not people. Absolutely awesome. Jumping from one bed to another, shows a defect in the jumper. Not the bed... 1
Meli22 Posted June 28, 2015 Posted June 28, 2015 Agreed. I find people who do it aren't usually 100 percent content with themselves either. I have a friend who does it, she's never single. She goes from one relationship to the other. She claims every guy is the one but then something is missing and she loses interest even after a long time together. She has admitted to me that she's incredibly insecure and she craves that attention. My ex told me something was missing, he didn't know what. But he did say he was worried this was going to happen in future relationships too, that after the first couple of years he will start to have doubts and feel the spark is gone. I took the whole thing so personally and blamed myself but that line itself makes me realise it's not me and it's an issue on his side.
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