ChristineQ Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 Okay so, on Monday night my boyfriend and I of almost 14 months had a really huge fight and he blocked me off of everything, and then the next day we wanted to work things out and we even confronted our problems. Last night (Friday night), we didn't even fight. What happened was I was really depressed because of everything, and the fact that I missed him because we haven't spent more than maybe two full days together in the past two week and I was supposed to go over today for a few hours, but won't be able to sleep there for the second week (he has had his grandpa there so his mom didn't want me to stay there because she doesn't want to feed me.. we're also 20 mind you and his parents are well set)... just let me copy and paste the facebook conversation. Me: baby, i'm really sad.. can you talk to me please and i miss you.. Him: i miss you too omg im talking to (friend's name) about things i said that jesus why are you sad again Me: alright whatever.. Him: oh my god i cant talk to you you're so over dramatic all the time Me: wtf you barely even talked to me today, you came home from work and then ignored me Him: i talk to you more than most boyfriends do so calm the **** down Me: i am calm i said whatever to you saying "why are you said again" you're always so ignorant Him: no i just think you eat up too much of my free time Me: ......... lol what Him: you heard me jeeze lol Me: that's the most ridiculous statements ive heard Him: are you joking i always have to reply so fast or you spam me what the **** is that are you two years old you're a grown woman dont act like that Me: i wanted your ****ing attention for 2 seconds i can't help the fact that i'm sad, i need you Him: seriously lmfao thats a pretty unsophisticated way to get attention and its stressful for me. Me: how the **** is saying "i miss you" stressful for you you do the same thing Him: the other stuff Me: the fact that im sad lol? i literally cant tell you im sad anymore or you just push me away. Him: because its really not something i can handle i give you advice i talk you through **** and you dont listen so **** that Me: i never even ask you for your advice though i dont need your advice because you're a dick about it. Him: oh welll Me: and i tell you how im feeling because you're my boyfriend you're supposed to be there for me that's normal? Him: okay by choice i cant be there for you everytime Me: i cant just say im sad without you making me feel even ****ing worse? Him: thats why people have friends and talk to their family why dont you vent to your mom like Me: lol. wow. Him: who do you think i am your personal emotion sponge? Me: just stop. stop typing. Him: no? its unfair, i cant take all your negativity because it makes me negative, and you. are. dragging. me. down. why do you think i tried to break up with you. and im feeling that way again. you aren't very pleasant anymore Me: I SAID IM SAD ONCE TODAY ONCE AND YOU HAVE TO BE A ****ING ******* I DIDNT DO ANYTHING WRONG im going to sleep. Him: okay i love you ------------ So, in your opinion, do you think how he treated me was fair? I didn't say "I love you" back because I was crying and he made me feel like I'm to blame for my depression, and the next thing I know, he blocks me off of Facebook and turned off texts and phone calls from me.. without a word. Of course, I still haven't slept yet because I've been begging and pleading and having anxiety attacks. And so I finally heard from him, and he texts me this: "I don't care lol you're so gay. This is abusive and controlling, you always try to guilt trip me into staying with you. Guilt trip me with your depression? That's really low. Sorry but I'm 20 years old I want to find myself and become successful. I can't do that while you hold me down and drain my wallet and eat up all my free time. Maybe later in my life, not now." ...lol, so yeah. He's clearly a douchebag and only cares about himself, that's the kind of vibe I'm getting at least. I already know the answer, but even though 14 months doesn't seem like a long time, I feel like that's just hard to throw away like that. I honestly feel like my heart has been ripped out. We were even planning on moving in before the end of this year, and everyone looked at us and wished they had something like we did.. I'm pretty lost lol. I'm soo sorry for the novel, but as you could probably tell, I'm really shook and I have no one to talk to..
katiegrl Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 (edited) Someone..... Sweetie..... first off, your relationship was toxic and completely dysfunctional (from both sides).....so it's good it's over...it was obviously bringing you down too. Second, no I don't think he's a douchebag....he was very honest and straight with you....but he became extremely frustrated because you just weren't getting it. Third, you were (are) too emotionally needy for him.....and he does not want someone so needy in his life...he can't handle it and does not want to deal with it....which is his right. Again, he was honest with you about this. Fourth....you say you have no one to talk to. Honey, since are this depressed and sad...the person you need to talk to is a qualified therapist....a psychologist or even a psychiatrist... or at the very minimum, a therapist. Your issues sound deep....and they need to be resolved before you can have a functional healthy relationship with any man. ((hugs)) and good luck. Edited June 27, 2015 by katiegrl
Author ChristineQ Posted June 27, 2015 Author Posted June 27, 2015 Sweetie..... first off, your relationship was toxic and completely dysfunctional (from both sides).....so it's good it's over...it was obviously bringing you down too. Second, no I don't think he's a douchebag....he was very honest and straight with you....but he became extremely frustrated because you just weren't getting it. Third, you were (are) too emotionally needy for him.....and he does not want someone so needy in his life...he can't handle it and does not want to deal with it....which is his right. Again, he was honest with you about this. Fourth....you say you have no one to talk to. Honey, since are this depressed and sad...the person you need to talk to us a qualified therapist....a psychologist or even a psychiatrist... or at the very minimum, a therapist. Your issues sound deep....and they need to be resolved before you can have a functional healthy relationship with any man. ((hugs)) and good luck. I actually do have a psychiatrist, I've had one for years. When I say I have no one to talk to, I mean I don't really have many friends to be open to. Therapists help but people in your life do too. I barely ever come first to my boyfriend, it's very seldom I do because he has depression too but it's not as bad as mine, so I try to keep it to myself. I'm 20, I'm doing pretty good in life and my depression comes up every now and then. So, no I don't feel like I'm needy. Usually in a good relationship (which mine used to be) you can openly talk about things that bug you and they'll be there to listen. I don't ask for a fix, because I won't get it from anyone but myself. My relationship wasn't dysfunctional, but when we fight it's about stupid things and we just get over it. The fact that just a few days ago he said that he wanted to sort out our problems and wanted to get back to how we use to be is what leaves me lost.
katiegrl Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 I actually do have a psychiatrist, I've had one for years. When I say I have no one to talk to, I mean I don't really have many friends to be open to. Therapists help but people in your life do too. I barely ever come first to my boyfriend, it's very seldom I do because he has depression too but it's not as bad as mine, so I try to keep it to myself. I'm 20, I'm doing pretty good in life and my depression comes up every now and then. So, no I don't feel like I'm needy. Usually in a good relationship (which mine used to be) you can openly talk about things that bug you and they'll be there to listen. I don't ask for a fix, because I won't get it from anyone but myself. My relationship wasn't dysfunctional, but when we fight it's about stupid things and we just get over it. The fact that just a few days ago he said that he wanted to sort out our problems and wanted to get back to how we use to be is what leaves me lost. Okay, but just from reading his texts...I could sense his frustration. Instead of backing off...you kept pushing which brought him to his breaking point....and he decided to end the entire relationship.... he just didn't want to deal with it. It also sounds like his frustration and unhappiness had been building for awhile. This one *fight* was just the tip of the iceberg. You may not think you are emotionally needy....but clearly HE does.....he told you that! You need to accept that.....and move on. To answer your original question...no this relationship is not worth fighting for...I'm sorry. Stop contacting him...and let him go. You are both so young, 20 years old....you have your entire lives ahead of you. This shipped has sailed. Wish you the best.....
Popsicle Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 No, I don't think it is worth fighting for. He should be missing you badly too. You obviously don't feel the same way. End it and let him go.
Yookie Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 In my opinion, he said what needed to be said. I'm sorry you're hurt but the truth always hurts the most. Sounds like you have emotional issues that need to be dealt with before you will be ready to have a healthy relationship. No one wants a relationship with someone who is always depressed and negative.
Author ChristineQ Posted June 27, 2015 Author Posted June 27, 2015 In my opinion, he said what needed to be said. I'm sorry you're hurt but the truth always hurts the most. Sounds like you have emotional issues that need to be dealt with before you will be ready to have a healthy relationship. No one wants a relationship with someone who is always depressed and negative. Honestly, I think I realize that. I don't blame people for pushing people like that away. Even for myself, I push away negative people because no one needs it. I think I'm just too rational at times, depression is a disease that's hard to get rid of. But I'm learning that, to be completely honest, I HAVE nothing to get depressed over. Life is good, and yeah my heart kinda hurts, but that goes with anyone who got dumped. Oh well right? Things happen.
Author ChristineQ Posted June 27, 2015 Author Posted June 27, 2015 No, I don't think it is worth fighting for. He should be missing you badly too. You obviously don't feel the same way. End it and let him go. Maybe I just expected too much. I understand where he's coming from I guess. And maybe we aren't right for each other after all. 1
angel.eyes Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 You may not see it that way, but your relationship was dysfunctional. Your boyfriend isn't a douche bag for wanting to end something that's toxic. His reaction is a perfectly normal and healthy one. At some point, you have to let go and accept that things really don't work between you two. It happens. We aren't going to be compatible with every person we date. 1
smackie9 Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 I agree with him. You do drag him down because you lean on him TOO HARD. Listen, you got the blues, go talk to your GF or your sister or grandma or mom. Guys are not emotional saviors, they like life to be light and simple/trouble free. A man loves it when his GF is cute, sassy, sexy, and fun.....in fact most people in general like being around someone who is fun and positive. This relationship isn't toxic, he's frustrated that you keep wanting him to save you emotionally. You need to figure out a different way to deal with your depression. I think you depend on him too much to keep you occupied/entertained. You need to get a life. Find things to do with friends that fill your heart with life and laughter, get a hobby like learn to play guitar, or go be a mentor at a youth center....you need some fulfillment in your life. Having a BF should be a part of your life, not your whole life. I can guarantee you if YOU follow MY advice, your relationship with your BF will improve 100%. You will see a change within yourself that will appeal to your BF. Get a job, make some money, buy a car, get your own place...do something to improve yourself.
Author ChristineQ Posted June 27, 2015 Author Posted June 27, 2015 I agree with him. You do drag him down because you lean on him TOO HARD. Listen, you got the blues, go talk to your GF or your sister or grandma or mom. Guys are not emotional saviors, they like life to be light and simple/trouble free. A man loves it when his GF is cute, sassy, sexy, and fun.....in fact most people in general like being around someone who is fun and positive. This relationship isn't toxic, he's frustrated that you keep wanting him to save you emotionally. You need to figure out a different way to deal with your depression. I think you depend on him too much to keep you occupied/entertained. You need to get a life. Find things to do with friends that fill your heart with life and laughter, get a hobby like learn to play guitar, or go be a mentor at a youth center....you need some fulfillment in your life. Having a BF should be a part of your life, not your whole life. I can guarantee you if YOU follow MY advice, your relationship with your BF will improve 100%. You will see a change within yourself that will appeal to your BF. Get a job, make some money, buy a car, get your own place...do something to improve yourself. I 100000000% agree with you girl. The honey moon phase was over loonnnng ago. I'm doing some fantastic things in life, and I'm independent, can't rely on noo one to make me happy. So thanks for the boost! 1
d0nnivain Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 I couldn't really get through the transcript because it read like drivel My advice: never try to discuss feelings emotions or anything important vie FB, social media of any kind, e-mail or text. Voice is better. In person is best.
Popsicle Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 Maybe I just expected too much. I understand where he's coming from I guess. And maybe we aren't right for each other after all. No, you didn't expect too much. You just expected different things. And, yes, you aren't right for each other.
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