Guitarisgood Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 She chased me hard. I didn't realize. I chased hard. She pushed me away. To and fro, to and fro it has been. We've lately gotten back into good terms. She is still staring at me at times. She still shows interest. Now here is my problem I cannot sort out. I have been hurt multiple times in the past and am finding it really hard to let my guard down. I guess she the same and hence two walls we both struggle to climb over (by all means I could be wrong). My feelings for her are reaching boiling point and I cannot stop thinking about her. She is still interested in me I am pretty sure. But I do not know how to go abouts things. Do I ask her out as if we're starting all over again? Do I and her sit down and have a chat? What works guys? Or should after so much history, I take a deep breathe and let it go? After all, we've been to and fro'ing for that long is there even a chance to build anything? To date, there has not been a girl who has pulled my heart strings as such than her.
smackie9 Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 I can see how difficult it can be when you have such strong emotions getting in the way of proper judgement. I can only guess that she just enjoys the chase, before uncertainty pushes her back. Maybe you are not saying what she really wants to hear because of your uncertainties. I don't really recommend this but, I say take one last shot, and lay it all out to her how you honestly feel about her, and what you wish would happen. Be forward and direct with her. If it's not enough, then you have your answer.
Survivor12 Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 Once the dynamics of a relationship have been established, they can be difficult to change. In your situation, it is possible that the push & pull/back & forth is an integral part of your relationship & without it, there may not be enough to keep the fire burning. A solid relationship is not built on a foundation of struggle & angst. There is one way to find out if you can change the dynamic...stop chasing. Tone down the drama. Let her know that you are interested but temper your proclaimations of undying love. Spend time getting to know each other & doing things together that you both enjoy. If she pulls back, let her go. Don't try to change her mind or ask why. Don't threaten to walk away & don't tell her that you'll be waiting if she changes her mind. Also, let go of expectations. Treat her as someone you are dating. Maintain a degree of autonomy & independence--and don't play games. It takes two to tango--if you want to break the pattern, stop dancing.
Author Guitarisgood Posted June 27, 2015 Author Posted June 27, 2015 Thanks guys, Smackie, you're right about my judgement. I've been down this path before and unfortunately it has never ended well on my part. I guess that last shot, it requires you to be vulnerable again. That is my hurdle that I am struggling to jump. Every time I try, I subconsciously sabotage myself. Survivor, you're right. It does feel as if we're now both at a point where we're on an equal page but I guess then I start to over think. The other night we were out, I got very jealous as she was all physical over a guy who was a friend of both of ours and kept reaffirming to me he was just a friend. It bought back memories of how she'd inadvertedly hurt me when I was chasing her and she was pushing me away. I am all at odds.
smackie9 Posted June 28, 2015 Posted June 28, 2015 Maybe I'm right and she is just enjoying the chase, with anyone, and doesn't want to stick with one. Classic attention whore (also known as a c ock tease). She doesn't realize her selfishness for attention is messing you guys up emotionally....and that's bad......and immature.
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