Elleque Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 Looking for opinions... Back story, I've been going out with my bf for about a year and a half, we are pretty serious, live together and at the moment in the process of building a house together. Ex gf- went out for abour a year. Not really that serious, never lived together. Had a pretty nasty break up, haven't spoken in 2.5-3 years. They are obviously not Facebook friends anymore but have a lot of mutual acquaintances and still has his brother on Facebook. Last weekend he gets a Facebook request from her but when he went into it 15 minutes later it was gone... On Tuesday he was suppose to be going to a young professionals leadership conference he was nominated for by his work. Unfortunately the week before my Gran passed away and the funeral was the same day so he was unable to attend. He got an email from his ex regarding the conference (she worked at the event planning company) that he forwarded on to management to work out who would go in his place and reply back. He ends up getting another Facebook request and a message on Facebook something along the lines of "hey random question, I know you have a new girlfriend and that's amazing. I was wondering if you worked at xxx as there was a (boyfriends name) from there that was suppose to be going but couldn't due to a loss. It's been playing on my mind." Do you think that's strange? If I was in that position I would either go through a mutual friend to find out or even just ask his brother if I REALLY wanted to know. If it was one of my exes I'd just feel bad for them but at the end of the day it's not my business anymore. If you were in her position would you contact them and ask? If you got that message would you think it strange and would you reply? Thanks for reading
elaine567 Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 I guess his name popping up at the event and then him not showing up, sparked her interest. Did she dump him or did he dump her?
Author Elleque Posted June 27, 2015 Author Posted June 27, 2015 She broke up with him, sorry I should have included that above.
DatingDirection Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 If that message had no flirtatious insinuations in the context, then i think it is what it is, she was just curious. It is a little strange after 3 years for her to contact him, but again, don't worry about it, since you too have a great foundation together. Although, if you are scared, then id check out the trust you have with him, and the connection. There will always be other people in this world who will think your bf is hot, and vise versa, so it comes down to the circle of connection you have with him, it's not about the ex gf.
Author Elleque Posted June 27, 2015 Author Posted June 27, 2015 I personally think she is subtly trying to see if he is single since its not obvious from his Facebook if you're not his friend. Not be be horrible but she was massively out of his league. He is a massive gym junkie and very good looking but his personality and morals are even better than his good looks, real LTR/husband material. She is fat,short and ugly, kind of looks like a garden gnome, personality didn't sound that great either. Only red flag I've had with my bf is he went out with her! Lol
Els Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 She is fat,short and ugly, kind of looks like a garden gnome, personality didn't sound that great either. Only red flag I've had with my bf is he went out with her! Lol Honestly, this statement strikes me as rather insecure - why the need to put down another woman whom you barely know? This isn't a fight or a competition between you and her. The only thing that will determine how this pans out, regardless of her intentions or whether or not she looks like a 'garden gnome', is your bf's ethics and integrity. If he has that in spades, as you believe, why are you so concerned about his ex? Did he respond to her? 3
Author Elleque Posted June 27, 2015 Author Posted June 27, 2015 To be honest I was just curious if other people would do the same thing. He denied the request and didn't reply to the message.
Gloria25 Posted June 28, 2015 Posted June 28, 2015 She is fat,short and ugly, kind of looks like a garden gnome, personality didn't sound that great either. Only red flag I've had with my bf is he went out with her! Lol Well, he might be like Arnold Schwarzenegger - where he might hate himself so much and/or can have any "perfect" woman he wants that he wants ugly...and, I'm not being sarcastic here...I'm serious. He might also feel less intimidated around her and less pressure to "impress" her. Or who knows, she might do backflips in the bedroom and/or nasty things you won't do. Anywho, none of that matters, IMO, unless your bf has a ring and a date to marry you - you two aren't that serious. Doesn't matter if you're shacking up and/or building a house together. I wouldn't invest in a home with some guy w/o a ring on my finger first. So, IMO, the ex-gf is a symptom of bigger problems in your RL. I mean, if you really felt that "secure" in your RL with him, you snooping and/or worrying about his FB activities would not be on your radar.
minimariah Posted June 28, 2015 Posted June 28, 2015 She is fat,short and ugly, kind of looks like a garden gnome, personality didn't sound that great either. Only red flag I've had with my bf is he went out with her! Lol and neither does yours. this entire situation obviously made you uncomfortable (no, you didn't open this thread just because you were "curious"), you're cleary insecure -- so dig deeper and see what is this REALLY about. your boyfriend's EX girlfriends are none of your business. and stay away from his Facebook. 2
Author Elleque Posted June 28, 2015 Author Posted June 28, 2015 I'm perfectly secure in my relationship thanks. We have talked about getting married but both agreed a house is a bigger priority. Once we get settled in the house we will start thinking about marriage. I also didn't snoop. As soon as it happened he showed me,laughed and that was the end of that. I really was only curious if you would contact your ex if you heard they had a death in the family after a bad break up.
minimariah Posted June 28, 2015 Posted June 28, 2015 (edited) I'm perfectly secure in my relationship thanks. then why are you even THINKING about this, apparently Frankenstein's bride, EX? i think the thought of this chick going after your dude (who, despite being so horrible, SHE ended up dumping) makes you uncomfortable and you don't quite know how to deal with the situation. also - married or not... you make sure you have some actual LEGAL rights to that house & invested money, sweetheart. p.s. change his FB profile picture in one that has the two of you in love together & make the relationship status obvious if you're really that pressed and want to "send her a message". Edited June 28, 2015 by minimariah
d0nnivain Posted June 28, 2015 Posted June 28, 2015 Back story, I've been going out with my bf for about a year and a half, we are pretty serious, live together and at the moment in the process of building a house together. I'm sorry about your Grandmother. That said, I quoted the above for a reason. You said you are building a house together. If you are ready to plunk down the kind of money it takes to build a house why are some electronic communications & FB messages bothering you? If you don't have major league trust & security what the heck are you doing making that kind of financial commitment? FB & emails are meaningless BS. A mortgage is serious. Riddle me this, if you break up how do you get your money back & get yourself off a mortgage? 1
Author Elleque Posted June 28, 2015 Author Posted June 28, 2015 I honestly don't care about this as much as everyone thinks I do. I don't care if other people can see we are I'm a relationship from Facebook, we know and people we care about know so it doesn't really matter. If we ended up breaking up now, we both would be pretty screwed financially to be honest. I have faith though that that won't happen, we are pretty solid in our relationship and both want the same things in life. I really should have worded the OP differently to not be about me and just more general.
Gloria25 Posted June 28, 2015 Posted June 28, 2015 I honestly don't care about this as much as everyone thinks I do. I don't care if other people can see we are I'm a relationship from Facebook, we know and people we care about know so it doesn't really matter. If we ended up breaking up now, we both would be pretty screwed financially to be honest. I have faith though that that won't happen, we are pretty solid in our relationship and both want the same things in life. I really should have worded the OP differently to not be about me and just more general. I think you're trying to make a bad situation work cuz by shacking up, you got finances intertwined, sex is happening, etc. That's why I think shack-ups are a bad idea. Cuz, you're still trying to get to know the person and when bad things like this ex issue comes up, you're gonna try hard to work it out cuz you already are co-mingling finances. I can't tell you what to do, but adding the financial commitment of a home to this situation isn't gonna make it any better. Maybe it's time to put the house on hold and work more on this RL. Marriage isn't that hard. You can go to the courthouse this Monday and do it.
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