SweetSerenity Posted April 30, 2005 Posted April 30, 2005 Oh man, I'm weak! I told the MM that I would be having NC with him and that I wanted the same. Well he called me the other day and asked me to meet him it was rather important and it was serious. So I went ahead and agreed to meet him. I noticed that when I saw him all my old feelings of wanting to be with him came rushing back through but I wasn't going to bend. Well we sat down at the park with our coffee's and he said "I have something to tell you and well I'm not sure its appropiate but I need to tell you about my wife's condition". I looked at him and at first I thought "Oh god she is sick and now I do feel really horrible", as if I didn't already. Well nope that wasn't it. He looked at me and said "My wife is six months pregnant". I was shocked. I'm serious. He never felt the need to tell me this during the entire A. I looked at him and with shock I said "Are you f**king kidding me?". I asked him why he didn't tell me and he said that he just didn't think it appropiate. Then he proceeds to tell me that he just can't have sex with his wife because he is turned off by knowing that the baby is there and etc etc etc. I felt like laughing at him. Honestly I did. I also felt really horrible about myself. Having been through two pregnanices myself I know that that time is the time in which we women tend to feel bad about our bodies as it is, let alone add an A to it and find out about it, that would be devastating. Then he did something that I just totally fell for. He pulled me close and held me in his arms and repeatedly told me "I know that I'm heading for disaster but I love you, I love you and care for you and it invites pain, but I'm totally addicted to you". Sad thing is, I feel the same way. It sucks. I want to stay away from him. Does anyone have any advice without bashing or flaming and honestly if you're goin to bash me then please don't even respond. I'm being sincere and serious here. I have to get this man out of my life. So someone please help me. Any suggestions would be helpful. I just can't help but think of his wife in her condition and all the heartache it would cause her to find out that he is having an affair.
HoldOn Posted April 30, 2005 Posted April 30, 2005 Oh man that is so sad. I don't know if I can help, but you could try writing down all the bad things about this man and keeping the list with you and repeating it over and over. Like -He lied to me (when he didn't tell me his wife was pregnant) -His wife and baby need me to stay away. -He wants to sleep around on his pregnant wife because he is extremely shallow. -Every minute I spend without him is a minute I could find a loving, unattached man. You could make a list like that and read it every night and every morning and any time you are feeling weak.
aklost101 Posted April 30, 2005 Posted April 30, 2005 i'm feeling you. i'm not in the "same" situation, but my MM does have a young son (1 1/2) and never felt the need to notify me of that (or even of his marriage) until i dug on my own. now that i know, i want to get out, but don't know how to even start b/c of how i feel about him. ::grumble::
whichwayisup Posted April 30, 2005 Posted April 30, 2005 "My wife is six months pregnant". I was shocked. I'm serious. He never felt the need to tell me this during the entire A. I looked at him and with shock I said "Are you f**king kidding me?". I asked him why he didn't tell me and he said that he just didn't think it appropiate. Then he proceeds to tell me that he just can't have sex with his wife because he is turned off by knowing that the baby is there and etc etc etc. I felt like laughing at him. Honestly I did. I also felt really horrible about myself. Having been through two pregnanices myself I know that that time is the time in which we women tend to feel bad about our bodies as it is, let alone add an A to it and find out about it, that would be devastating. Then he did something that I just totally fell for. He pulled me close and held me in his arms and repeatedly told me "I know that I'm heading for disaster but I love you, I love you and care for you and it invites pain, but I'm totally addicted to you". Sad thing is, I feel the same way. It sucks. I want to stay away from him. Does anyone have any advice without bashing or flaming and honestly if you're goin to bash me then please don't even respond. I'm being sincere and serious here. I have to get this man out of my life. So someone please help me. Any suggestions would be helpful. I just can't help but think of his wife in her condition and all the heartache it would cause her to find out that he is having an affair. Okay, this is what I think from where I sit and this isn't meant as harsh towards you, it's all about your MM. HE wants to have sex with you because he has given a lame line about not wanting sex with his wife as she's six months pregnant. UHMMM Yeah, he's known for 6 months that they are going to have a baby and he's telling you NOW, after NC?? Calling and getting you to meet him??!!! He's a jerk, a complete jerk. DO not allow him to pull you back in. He wants his needs met...He wants his cake and wants to eat it too! I know you feel alot for this man, but don't do this to yourself....And to that poor innocient child. Not worth it. Say goodbye, get the closure and walk away...
HoldOn Posted April 30, 2005 Posted April 30, 2005 You know, when I quit smoking, I had a visualization that I used. When I got a craving, I would imagine pouring a disgusting bar ashtray into my mouth.... So maybe when you get a craving for this man, you can imagine his child walking in on you (Daddy? don't you love us.) Or the pain in his wife's heart if she found out. Or imagine your perfect single man spending one more night alone waiting for you -- the girl of his dreams. Or imagine if everyone and your mom found out what you were doing.
Author SweetSerenity Posted April 30, 2005 Author Posted April 30, 2005 Well you have to remember that I'm married too, and with two kids and a pretty great husband that I really care about which is why I ended things with this MM and enforced NC. I think he is extremely shallow. You're right. When he told me that it was like someone kicked me in the stomach. I'm not kidding. Had he of told me when we first started the A or even before that she was four months pregnant I would have not messed with him at all. That is a definite no no. Even with her not being pregnant its a no no but I was weak. I admit it. I'm not proud. I do feel bad. Especially after I ran into her the other night at a store here in town. I knew it was her because of her pictures all over their wall. I just watched her and you know what? I can't find a thing wrong with her other than she weighs a lot more than I but thats from her being pregnant. She is absolutely a beautiful woman. I've even heard conversations between the two of them on his cell phone and she seems extremely nice. I just feel like a first prized idiot. I also feel bad that I did this to my husband just because I was bored and our marriage has become stale. While I have chose not to tell my husband about it, I will work on my marriage harder than ever because honestly I am not interested in losing my husband to this clown. Although why if I think this way, but when I see him, I feel overwhelming feelings to be with him? Its disgustingly stupid. I have no clue why my brain thinks this way. Everything within my being is telling me to run like hell from this guy, but then I get this sense of warmth and passion and almost like I'm in love, though I'm not, and wanting to be with him. But I'm really shocked and kind of furious that he didn't tell me she was pregnant.
Author SweetSerenity Posted April 30, 2005 Author Posted April 30, 2005 She was four months pregnant when we first started seeing each other. Now she is six months pregnant. Something he said to me just really f**ked me over. He said, "If she was having a boy I'd still be sleeping with her but because she is having a girl I have issues with putting myself inside of her with the baby that close". WTF I mean seriously. I don't get that. What the hell is he thinking. It isn't like the baby can feel that or see that. I don't get him. I really don't. He also said that he has been really frustrated with the NC and is taking it out on his wife. Not cussing or being brutal to her, but telling her he wants to be alone and going off to be alone and listening to music and what not. He is going to get himself busted. I mean even though the A isn't going on anymore he is going to have to confess if he keeps this stuff up because honestly women can tell when something is going on and he is showing all the symptoms of having a difficult time with someone else. I feel bad for his wife. I do. I don't want to be with him. I want to stay away. I'm just looking for ways to do it. He calls me too much now, texts me too much, he doesn't know where I live thank god or my last name or my home phone so I'm lucky. But he is driving me crazy and its tempting when its right there in your face. But I feel horrible because of his poor wife. Something else too . I just learned that he lost his first marriage to his cheating. He cheated on his first wife when he managed a restaurant. He cheated with a co-worker. WTF.
HoldOn Posted April 30, 2005 Posted April 30, 2005 Oh, you're married? Then another thing you could imagine was your husband walking in on you. Everytime you get a strong feeling to connect with MM, call your husband instead, just to say I Love You. That's really weird about not wanting to sleep with his wife because she's pregnant with a girl?!? I hope my future husband still boinks me when I am pregnant. I think I'm going to have to insist that you block his number or change yours. Do this for your family and his.
Author SweetSerenity Posted April 30, 2005 Author Posted April 30, 2005 Is there a way to block his number or him calling my cell? I'm not real sure. Yeah Holdon I found that to be very very very weird to. I don't know whats up with him. I did tell him however that he has got to stop taking out his anguish on his wife. He is going to have to find something more productive to do and when we finally went to leave the park I told him to please not contact me anymore and that he needs to work on his marriage. Here's how I feel. If I wasn't so interested in saving my marriage and working on it, I feel that eventually when she does have their child that he will go back to being the loving doting husband but have new pressures such as the baby, where does that leave an OW in his life? No where. I am not up for that kind of stuff. I'd rather just work on my marriage til I drop. I just find him to be very weird and the fact that he won't leave me alone is starting to get to me. What does he hope to accomplish? I mean it's pretty weird and kind of concerning. Just now he has sent me three texts to tell me he loves me and misses me and wants me to find a way to come over to his house tomorrow night while she is at work. Does this man understand the concept of NC or no? I fear that I may have a problem on my hands.
HoldOn Posted May 1, 2005 Posted May 1, 2005 Blocking numbers? I have heard of people doing it. Why don't you call your cell phone company and ask them? He's harrassing you and has no right to do it. What company do you use? You can look it up on the internet and find out probablly. Or you can change your number. He just wants what he can't have. It been soooo convenient for him to get some aciton on the side, and isn't it easier for him to convince you to get back in the sack to find a new victim?? Yep. He's just a predator.
Author SweetSerenity Posted May 1, 2005 Author Posted May 1, 2005 Yeah, I use T-mobile. I'll have to call em and ask them. No he keeps texting me. Its becoming a nuisance. I now have as I type this over 20 texts of him begging me to pick up the phone.
HoldOn Posted May 1, 2005 Posted May 1, 2005 http://www.t-mobile.com/help/services/aim/Nokia_6190/block.asp You'll have to look up your exact phone though. Here's for the Nokia 6190 Step 1 Get to the write message screen Step 2 Type the Buddy screenname of the person you do not wish to receive message from Step 3 Push SEND and send to 4652. This block will remian until the Allow command is used Do it now! I now have as I type this over 20 texts of him begging me to pick up the phone. Oh how sad! I am just crying for him b/c he can't have sex with his wife. Boo hoo!
Author SweetSerenity Posted May 1, 2005 Author Posted May 1, 2005 Yeah you and I both. Right now I am resisting the temptation to pick up the phone and tell him to get professional help or to text him back and tell him to go to hell. It's hard, but I'm sticking with my NC. He is trying to play on my sympathy with the text he just sent "Please don't shut me out, I'm crying here, I really need you and love you". Blah! I'm looking it over now and figuring out how to block him.
HoldOn Posted May 1, 2005 Posted May 1, 2005 "Please don't shut me out, I'm crying here, I really need you and love you". His wife can dry his tears! Let me know if you figure out how to block.
Author SweetSerenity Posted May 1, 2005 Author Posted May 1, 2005 Hey HoldOn thanks a lot. I got it to work with those instructions that you put up. Only thing is that he could call me from his job, or his home which he has done in the past. I think I'll ask T-mobile to change my cell phone number. Though its a huge inconveinence but this is my problem and my fault. I should have never gotten involved with an MM to begin with, so I guess a small price to pay. What I don't get is, he never really chased me this much when I was a willing participant, but now that I'm not he is chasing me like mad. How funny. Odd even.
HoldOn Posted May 1, 2005 Posted May 1, 2005 It's not odd! It's so obvious. That's why they tell girls to play hard to get, because it drives some men crazy with desire. They only want what they can't have. It's only fun with they have to fight. When you show up at their door every day, they get bored. His wife is right there and he doesn't have to do any work, so he doesn't care. He's just fulfilling his masculine pursuit role. It is to be expected. Don't let it deter you. My ex tried e-mailing me a couple times after we broke up. But he stopped after I sued him (for money he owed me). lol!
Author SweetSerenity Posted May 1, 2005 Author Posted May 1, 2005 Oh yeah I know all about that. A challenge is more appealing. Well this is one challenge he isn't going to win. His whining is getting on my nerves though. It sucks. Whats worse is that he works at the only store in our town that I shop at. The nearest next one is pretty far away. I can't just stop going in there. It really sucks.
RecordProducer Posted May 6, 2005 Posted May 6, 2005 Originally posted by SweetSerenity I want to stay away from him. I have to get this man out of my life. So someone please help me. Good girl! Make a decision to do NC and don't break the rule under any circumstances! If you're in the "I want to stay away from him" phase then you're not really in love. Trust me! Just do NC and you'll be fine in a week or two. The feelings will start fading away. You're disappointed, you want him out, and you're aware of the situation. Just ignore him completely no matter how much he begs for sex. It's just fun that he's looking for. Even if he loves you, he's married and he lied to you and to his pregnant wife. You showed compassion for this woman and instantly got sick of this dog! Good girl! Keep your eyes open and good luck with your future love!
RecordProducer Posted May 6, 2005 Posted May 6, 2005 Originally posted by aklost101 i'm feeling you. i'm not in the "same" situation, but my MM does have a young son (1 1/2) and never felt the need to notify me of that (or even of his marriage) until i dug on my own. now that i know, i want to get out, but don't know how to even start b/c of how i feel about him. ::grumble:: What a jerk your MM is! Indeed, how do you feel about him? How little self-respect can a woman have for letting a man do these things to her? This is not bashing, this is pouring cold water while you're in a deep dream
nextel Posted May 6, 2005 Posted May 6, 2005 you are in a No-Win situation here. You need to do everything within you to leave him alone. There is no point in being with him. Let him go ahead and be with his wife and do not contact him. No matter the urge. Let him know that when he does finally leave his wife, you number will still be same and he will have a way to contact you. In the meantime, tell him not to contact you.
Grinning Maniac Posted May 6, 2005 Posted May 6, 2005 Originally posted by SweetSerenity The MM is for lack of moral words just a bit of fun. HE definitely has no part of my heart, or soul, or anything else, except apart from the physical side. Originally posted by SweetSerenity He pulled me close and held me in his arms and repeatedly told me "I know that I'm heading for disaster but I love you, I love you and care for you and it invites pain, but I'm totally addicted to you". Sad thing is, I feel the same way.
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