jaanembad Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 I'm in a dilemma and my buddy told me about this site and I hope I get some help here! A year ago, I met a girl on a social app. We both live in the same country but she's just here for education. We became good friends and we have always helped, shared about our lives with each other. We've grown very close lately. I've liked, dated a lot of girls before but I never really felt this way before. I never understood what love is and I don't think I have loved anyone before. She makes me feel secure, warm and cozy. When I talk to her, I feel content. We could talk about any random crap for hours and I could share even the most weirdest things about myself and she still supports me. I don't know why I respect her words so much. I used to drink and smoke a lot and no matter how much I tried, I couldn't stop those. One day she promised me not to drink or smoke and that's all it took for me to stop drinking and smoking. She makes me feel better about myself. She is outgoing and has tons of friends but she told me, for the first time she feels like she has a best friend (me). We tell each other " I miss you" and we even joke about kids and marriage. Once, she got drunk and told me she loves me..but I guess she meant it in a friendly way. When I got really sick and couldn't talk to her for few days, she cried and got really worried about me. She gets angry if I don't talk to her. But I guess she is just being compassionate and friendly. I really have strong feelings for her but I don't want to tell it to her and ruin our friendship. We both are moving to different countries next year. Even though we live a few hours away from each other, we haven't had the chance to meet. We might meet in a few weeks. I don't understand her..whether she really likes me or she's just being friendly towards me.
justwhoiam Posted June 28, 2015 Posted June 28, 2015 Hi jaanembad, Welcome to the LS LDR forum. We both live in the same country but she's just here for education. 1) you both live in the same country: just like now? Or? 2) she's just here for education: if she lives in your same country, how can she be there just for education? Do you mean temporarily in a neighboring city for her studies? How far away would she be when she's home/done with studies? 3) how old are you both? We've grown very close lately. I've liked, dated a lot of girls before but I never really felt this way before. Could that be because you never got really close with any of them before? That's quite possible. I used to drink and smoke a lot and no matter how much I tried, I couldn't stop those. One day she promised me not to drink or smoke and that's all it took for me to stop drinking and smoking. She makes me feel better about myself. She habitually drinks and smokes? If it's just a social thing, she can quit that pretty easily, all it takes is her will. But if it's something very rooted in her, I'm not sure she'll be able to keep her promise long-term. Look into that. That said, it's nice that you stopped drinking and smoking. Being in love gives enormous strength. But be prepared. Huge are the highs and huge are the lows. Once, she got drunk and told me she loves me.. Well, hopefully that was before making her promise, wasn't it? I really have strong feelings for her but I don't want to tell it to her and ruin our friendship. So what's more important to you: having her as your girlfriend or as your friend? The answer is all there. If your sex drive for her goes through the roof, then you shouldn't play the good old dear asexual friend. Actually, if you do that, the risk is you're gonna friendzone yourself in the long run. On the other hand: what are the odds of you being together? You're just a few hours away and you haven't met her in a year. Next year you'll both be in different countries, and quite likely not meeting each other. What then? What comes after that? we haven't had the chance to meet. Chance? Are you waiting for a chance? That's not how you get things done. I don't understand her..whether she really likes me or she's just being friendly towards me. Raise the sexual tension when you're with her in person. See how she responds. You will know if she's in love with you too. Or you can just throw the topic into the conversation, randomly and starting from afar, like: I was wondering, if I were not your best friend, do you think you might like me some other way? And you go on from there.
Author jaanembad Posted June 28, 2015 Author Posted June 28, 2015 She is temporarily here for studies and once her completes her education, she will go back to her country to work. We both are 23. It would take me a day or two to reach her home when she moves back to her country. She doesn't drink. I do ( used to ). She's the one who made me quit those. I like our friendship but the thought of losing her to someone else hurts and I feel like we could do well as a couple ( won't know until I meet her ). She's not any different even though she's from another country. A few times when I jokingly tell her I like her, she tells me..you are being a chicken. I've asked her if she likes anyone and she says she doesn't ( I' guess I'm included ). I want to meet her and decide about future later.
TMichaels Posted June 28, 2015 Posted June 28, 2015 A few times when I jokingly tell her I like her, she tells me..you are being a chicken. I've asked her if she likes anyone and she says she doesn't ( I' guess I'm included ). I don't understand the chicken comment. What is that supposed to mean? I wouldn't take her comment that she doesn't like anyone as being inclusive (meaning you, too). It just as easily could mean that she isn't interested in anyone else (besides you). However, she's not going to come out and say that when she hasn't even met you in person. I want to meet her and decide about future later. Exactly. Only one way to see what's the two of you are like together, and that's in person. If you suggest a meeting and she begs off, you'll have the answer to where you fit in the continuum of "just an Internet friend" to a "potential mate." If she agrees to meet you, that's a first step and will give you both a chance to figure out if you want something more. If she makes excuses about meeting in person, then don't waste your time trying to convince her. Don't make her a priority in your life. You're doing most the chasing. If you're important to her then she needs to step up to the plate. She won't as long as you're doing all the work. Best, TMichaels
Lois_Griffin Posted June 28, 2015 Posted June 28, 2015 Come on. You've had this online 'friendship' for a whole YEAR and never once had the opportunity to travel to see each other? Not in ONE WHOLE YEAR? You're 23 years old for God's sakes. You're not 15 year old children. Is it really that much of a hardship to rent a car for the day or jump on the bus? Come on. The whole thing sounds like one big silly fantasy.
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