UntitledNotepad Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 Hello, This is just driving me crazy, and I just need some help deciphering this girl. She is just so perfect in every way, so I want to fight for the relationship in every way possible. I went on a date with her, but then things got a bit confusing after. There are two opposing thoughts that I'd like to get set strait from you guys and all your experience. 1) NO INTEREST, STOPPED INITIATING CONTACT - She stopped initiating contact after the date. Looking back through texts, I did text her an aweful lot, so maybe I just didn't give her enough space to start any convos or I annoyed her? She did, however, almost always reply to my texts. After she left for home for the summer, I could feel that she wanted some space (took a day to reply to texts) so I just stopped initiating any conversations. We haven't spoken since.................could this be as bad as it sounds? Or could she just not have wanted to carry a 3 month conversation with a guy she had only 1 date with, but she still would like to get to know him better when she gets back? 2) STILL INTERESTED, AGREES REPEATEDLY TO 2ND DATE - She said many times that she wants another date (on the first date, after the first date on text, after the first date in person, after leaving home for summer). When we couldn't fit it in before she left, she suggested doing it when she got back after summer. "So you want to see a movie after finals?" --> "Yes :)" (is 1 word answer bad?) "When we get back, want to go to an amusement park? It will be better than the first date!" --> "That would be nice and the first date wasn't bad at all" Did she lose interest? She is not starting conversations, but she is still replying and agreeing to resume dating when she gets back (If she did lose interest, then why the **** did she keep agreeing to the second date instead of saying "no"?) We were friends for a few months before we had the date...so it's not like just some random hookup on Tinder, for what it's worth. Oh, and for one last bit of irony, she was the one who initiated our entire relationship......................................................................
Halcyon Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 Hello, This is just driving me crazy, and I just need some help deciphering this girl. She is just so perfect in every way, so I want to fight for the relationship in every way possible. First things first. Take her off that mighty pedestal you have placed her on. No one is perfect, this is a great way to scare people off. I went on a date with her, but then things got a bit confusing after. There are two opposing thoughts that I'd like to get set strait from you guys and all your experience. 1) NO INTEREST, STOPPED INITIATING CONTACT - She stopped initiating contact after the date. Looking back through texts, I did text her an aweful lot, so maybe I just didn't give her enough space to start any convos or I annoyed her? She did, however, almost always reply to my texts. After she left for home for the summer, I could feel that she wanted some space (took a day to reply to texts) so I just stopped initiating any conversations. We haven't spoken since.................could this be as bad as it sounds? Or could she just not have wanted to carry a 3 month conversation with a guy she had only 1 date with, but she still would like to get to know him better when she gets back? Screams needy and desperate. Contact should be balanced 1 to 1 if you keep hammering her away with text's it shows you don't have your own life and are obsessing about her. You have been on one date... act accordingly. 2) STILL INTERESTED, AGREES REPEATEDLY TO 2ND DATE - She said many times that she wants another date (on the first date, after the first date on text, after the first date in person, after leaving home for summer). When we couldn't fit it in before she left, she suggested doing it when she got back after summer. "So you want to see a movie after finals?" --> "Yes :)" (is 1 word answer bad?) "When we get back, want to go to an amusement park? It will be better than the first date!" --> "That would be nice and the first date wasn't bad at all" Did she lose interest? She is not starting conversations, but she is still replying and agreeing to resume dating when she gets back (If she did lose interest, then why the **** did she keep agreeing to the second date instead of saying "no"?) We were friends for a few months before we had the date...so it's not like just some random hookup on Tinder, for what it's worth. Oh, and for one last bit of irony, she was the one who initiated our entire relationship...................................................................... You are calling a relationship after one date? come on man that's crazy talk and you know it. So you have to wait 3 months for your next date? I think you will have truly lost the plot by then. My advice date other girls in that time, this girl isn't perfect like you state she is. She may not feel the same way when she gets back especially if you are smothering like you are.
Author UntitledNotepad Posted June 27, 2015 Author Posted June 27, 2015 Thanks for that reality check, you're right. I guess what I should be asking is - how much of a chance do I have at building a relationship with her when she gets back? Do you think she has any interest left, or did she say those things just to avoid hurting my feelings? or did I **** things up beyond repair?
pewpew Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 The way I feel about texts, facebook messages any kind of messaging thing is that it needs to be a two way street in that one person should never initiate contact all the time because then you will never really know if they genuinely want to talk to you or if they are being nice and just polite by always messaging you back. The rule I tend to use is if I send a message to a girl I won't send another until they have replied that may take a minute an hour a day who knows sometimes but if you keep messaging it makes you look a bit needy and they will also get annoyed. A good way to see if someone is missing you or genuinely wants to talk is to stop contacting them for a while. Then they may think oh I wonder why they haven't spoken to me and this may make them want to reach out and contact you. If I message a girl and she is a bit flaky with responding or only ever gives one or two words answers I'd take is as she's not THAT interested because if someone wants to talk to you they will make the effort to do so. In your situation I'd say sure keep in contact by messaging her once in a while until she is back but don't over do it! when she's back ask her out again and see how she reacts if she wants to go on another date she will but you don't want to scare her off before then by being too eager to be in contact.
Gaeta Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 Wish her a wonderful summer and you'll talk to her upon her return for that 2nd date. I am getting a vibe that she is just not interested in having a text buddy through her summer vacations. If it will work out when she returns? No way to know, it's possible she meets someone else, it's possible you meet someone else, it's possible you go on that 2nd date and things pick up strong and steady from there. So, let it go, let life take care of it. Let her have her summer and get busy enjoying yours.
Author UntitledNotepad Posted June 27, 2015 Author Posted June 27, 2015 How can I tell the difference between a girl not initiated conversation due to loss of interest versus not wanting a texting buddy or LDR? If you were a girl who liked a guy and asked him on a date, but then had to leave for 3 months, what would you do if you were still interested? What would you do if you weren't interested?
pewpew Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 Well there's no way of knowing 100% but think about it this way. You like this girl and you want to talk to her, be in contact with her etc a lot of the time yeah? if she feels the same way about you she would be acting in a similar way. She may also Look at the situation as she is away for three months and she's happy to take it easy until she's back and she's not thinking of you as potential relationship material right now. She may meet someone else or she may think you might meet someone else. The best way your going to find out is when she's back and if she's still interested in going on a date with you. Until then not too much you can do if she never initiates contact maybe your just not giving her the chance to if your the one always messaging. Personally I'd leave it 3,4 days with no contact and if she misses you then you may well get contacted by her if she's not bothered she won't care you haven't contacted her.
angel.eyes Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 Have you asked her on a second date? Has she said yes? If you answered in the affirmative, when will this happen? What have you planned for this second date? The rest is just mental diarrhea.
Author UntitledNotepad Posted June 27, 2015 Author Posted June 27, 2015 I did what you suggested and stopped initiating conversations, and she hasn't spoken to me for the last month. I asked her on a second date, and she said YES, but her flight made it so we couldn't do it but SHE suggested doing it when she got back. So what the ****? She says yes to a date. She responded positively (with smile faces and such), but when I stop initiating conversations she just dropped off the grid. a few weeks after I stopped messaging her, she posted on her Twitter "I just want to be left alone by everyone". Maybe she just wants to have a summer without people talking to her? So should I go by the CONTENT of her messages or the NATURE of her conversation?
angel.eyes Posted June 28, 2015 Posted June 28, 2015 Come up with a date idea for when she returns. Share the idea with her. When she returns, finalize the details. It's only been a single date! You're way overthinking things! Either she'll go on a second date or she won't. All the hand wringing behind the scenes won't change that outcome. So why engage in it? What's the point?
Author UntitledNotepad Posted June 28, 2015 Author Posted June 28, 2015 Given all the details I wrote (she agreed to a second date, couldn't fit it in before she left, she suggested when we do it when she gets back, but has been avoiding conversation over texting while she's gone) what are the chances of her going on that second date? Like 50/50? 75/25? 90/10? 10/90? 1/99? (I promise this is the last I'll post about it)
SunnySide0418 Posted June 28, 2015 Posted June 28, 2015 Given all the details I wrote (she agreed to a second date, couldn't fit it in before she left, she suggested when we do it when she gets back, but has been avoiding conversation over texting while she's gone) what are the chances of her going on that second date? Like 50/50? 75/25? 90/10? 10/90? 1/99? (I promise this is the last I'll post about it) My vote is 50/50. You seem a bit obsessive.
Gary S Posted June 28, 2015 Posted June 28, 2015 (edited) Here is what you have to understand about dating.... in the first two months, before they fall in love, their interest can change at anytime.... and you have to go with her interest at the moment, the past does not count. If a woman does not text you after a date, they are not interested, or high maintenance. It does not matter how many texts and love letters you exchanged before you met.... within minutes of meeting she might realize she's not attracted to you. You two are strangers until you meet. Edit: well, if she's leavin' on a jet plane, she's not available - ya can't date a women who is mia. Find another girl in town to date. Edited June 28, 2015 by Gary S
Author UntitledNotepad Posted June 28, 2015 Author Posted June 28, 2015 Gary, thanks for your reply. I'm just a bit confused. We knew each other for almost four months by the time of the first date. Surely she has seen enough of my body, interacted with enough of my personality, etc to know if she liked me or not. It's not like I suddenly changed or anything. And..... After the first date, she agreed to a second (enthusiastically, not just a "yeah that sounds fun" but "yeah of course I'd love to!"). I want to believe what you are saying (because you have millions of times more dating experience than me) but why would she keep giving positive feedback if she wasn't interested? PLEASE ANSWER THIS!!! If you were in college, and met a girl and went on one date, but then you had to leave, what would you do if you were still interested? How bad is it that we are not conversing over the summer? Honestly I'd be a bit creeped out by her if she did keep texting me ......
Gary S Posted June 28, 2015 Posted June 28, 2015 - Okay, so you knew the girl for 4 months, this was not an internet date... I did not know, you never said. So she's a college girl and is leaving town... focused on college, which is not good for you, it's long distance... plus, young women sometimes are not ready to fall in over till they are 26 or 27. I hate to say this, but the odds are really stacked against you. Most long distance relationships don't work - by the time you see her again, it will be like having a first date again - in other words, a relationship never gets off the ground like that, there is just too much time apart for love to escalate and develop. I'm sorry, but all I can suggest is to either not take girls who leave for college each semester too seriously, or find a local girl (that is if you are not going out of town for college yourself) Relationships are built on consistent face-to-face interaction and dates, this is why long distance relationships usually don't work. Even if they fall in love, girls need affection, human touch, to stay in love, and that can't happen over the phone lines.
Author UntitledNotepad Posted June 28, 2015 Author Posted June 28, 2015 Hmmm. Well it's not at all a long distance relationship. It's more a beginning to a normal relationship that was interrupted. The only problem I see is that she didn't want a long distance relationship, which now makes sense, hell I wouldn't want one either. All it comes down to is this (and I promise this time it will be my last question): how bad is it that she doesn't want an LDR over summer?
pewpew Posted June 28, 2015 Posted June 28, 2015 Gary, thanks for your reply. I'm just a bit confused. We knew each other for almost four months by the time of the first date. Surely she has seen enough of my body, interacted with enough of my personality, etc to know if she liked me or not. It's not like I suddenly changed or anything. And..... After the first date, she agreed to a second (enthusiastically, not just a "yeah that sounds fun" but "yeah of course I'd love to!"). I want to believe what you are saying (because you have millions of times more dating experience than me) but why would she keep giving positive feedback if she wasn't interested? PLEASE ANSWER THIS!!
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