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If im subtle men dont get it. If im straight I come on too strong. What do men want?!

Hopeful30

By Hopeful30
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Hopeful30 Established Member

Hopeful30

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When Im subtle, my hints are missed or unrecognized. When Im straight up, I come on too strong.

 

What the hell guys?? What does a girl need to do to get a man around here??

phineas Established Member

phineas

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because women only seem to deal in extremes.

you either stand there & say nothing or grab a guys junk out of the blue & scare the crap out of him.

figuratively speaking.

 

why don't you elaborate.

 

define subtle & define straight up.

Also, how old are you and what do you look like?

TheBathWater Established Member

TheBathWater

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As a man, I thoroughly appreciate when a woman is direct with me about her interest in me AND simultaneously conveys somehow she is not doing this to every other guy around us too.

 

Women generally like men who are 'players' because it means they are desirable to other women. It indicates high status. No woman wants to be with a man that no other woman would want to date.

 

Men, on the other hand, also want women who are desirable to other men. But unlike men, women do not have to pursue men to be desirable. If they do pursue men, they might be viewed at with suspicion as eager, easy, etc... This is why I believe some men who are approached by women may be turned off.

 

I'm speaking in generalizations of course and there are always exceptions, but I hope this makes some sense.

 

In short, I say pursue a man you are interested in, but somehow convey to him that you're only doing it with him because he's 'special'.

  • Like 2
jay1983 Established Member

jay1983

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I think just have to find guys who are attracted to you. Once that's in place you won't have to think so hard.

  • Like 1
EngnimaticResponse Established Member

EngnimaticResponse

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When Im subtle, my hints are missed or unrecognized. When Im straight up, I come on too strong.

 

What the hell guys?? What does a girl need to do to get a man around here??

 

Guys don't do subtle. What we consider subtle, is not what you consider subtle. If you are like most women, obvious hints are still a far cry from asking straight up. Take what you think is obvious, and step it up a notch or two. Then MAYBE, you'll get his attention.

h0000 Established Member

h0000

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They don't get it not because you are subtle, but because they aren't that attracted to you. Men think you come on too strong not because you are being straight, but because they aren't attracted to you at all

  • Like 2
EngnimaticResponse Established Member

EngnimaticResponse

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They don't get it not because you are subtle, but because they aren't that attracted to you. Not necessarily true. I personally have been completely oblivious to otherwise cute women.

 

 

Men think you come on too strong not because you are being straight, but because they aren't attracted to you at all

The rest of this IS true unfortunately. Come strait to the point, and they reply with "You are too forward", they just arn't feeling it.
Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

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I always wait for a sign that a man is attracted forms before I make any moves.

  • Like 3
hotpotato Established Member

hotpotato

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They don't get it not because you are subtle, but because they aren't that attracted to you. Men think you come on too strong not because you are being straight, but because they aren't attracted to you at all

 

To be fair, coming on strong can be quite scary. Some guys just aren't used to it. I've had guys who were very attracted to me, but were also shocked at how straightforward I could be. One of these guys was into me for YEARS. Most of the time I won't come on strong unless I know he likes me.

  • Like 1
Emilia Established Member

Emilia

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I think OP making male friends would help. You would get better at socialising with them

hotpotato Established Member

hotpotato

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I think OP making male friends would help. You would get better at socialising with them

 

That can help if she's making friends with guys she wants to bang or who are gay. Aside from that, expect drama.

h0000 Established Member

h0000

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To be fair, coming on strong can be quite scary. Some guys just aren't used to it. I've had guys who were very attracted to me, but were also shocked at how straightforward I could be. One of these guys was into me for YEARS. Most of the time I won't come on strong unless I know he likes me.

 

yeah i should have put "generally speaking" in front of my words.

Anyways, I just want to tell OP that many guys will make a move if they like you,regardless you hint it or not.

Emilia Established Member

Emilia

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That can help if she's making friends with guys she wants to bang or who are gay. Aside from that, expect drama.

 

I have a lot of male friends. If you get drama from them, you don't know how to pick them.

h0000 Established Member

h0000

Posted
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Guys don't do subtle. What we consider subtle, is not what you consider subtle. If you are like most women, obvious hints are still a far cry from asking straight up. Take what you think is obvious, and step it up a notch or two. Then MAYBE, you'll get his attention.

 

Many women are very straight forward these days...they literally go all over guys.

hotpotato Established Member

hotpotato

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I have a lot of male friends. If you get drama from them, you don't know how to pick them.

 

To paraphrase Chris Rock:

 

"No man is gonna look at a woman's azz and say Let's be friends!!!"

"If a man is your friend, that means he effed up somewhere!"

 

Heck, even on ls we've had this discussion. A lot of men view friendship as a path to romance.

Research has shown that men often pick female "friends" they are attracted to.

  • Like 2
Lois_Griffin Established Member

Lois_Griffin

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What does a girl need to do to get a man around here??

Show up at his place at midnight - naked, with a pizza and a 6-pack of beer.

Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

Posted
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When Im subtle, my hints are missed or unrecognized. When Im straight up, I come on too strong.

 

What the hell guys?? What does a girl need to do to get a man around here??

 

 

If your hints are missed or unrecognized, they are likely simply not interested. And, if they are and don't know how to respond, then they probably aren't going to be much of a dating partner anyway.

 

How do you know they are being missed or unrecognized really? No one hears the other side of these interactions. They may not have missed them or did recognize them but they simply aren't interested. The same is true for being straight up. They're probably just not the ones for you, that's all.

 

Don't switch up your "approach" to looking for dating partners. Do it the way that's natural for you. Don't switch to being more aggressive because your usual way isn't working. Just stick with the natural you until the one who likes your "way" comes a long. Or if you like being more aggressive, stick to that.

  • Like 2
GravityMan Established Member

GravityMan

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I think just have to find guys who are attracted to you. Once that's in place you won't have to think so hard.

 

If your hints are missed or unrecognized, they are likely simply not interested. And, if they are and don't know how to respond, then they probably aren't going to be much of a dating partner anyway.

 

How do you know they are being missed or unrecognized really? No one hears the other side of these interactions. They may not have missed them or did recognize them but they simply aren't interested. The same is true for being straight up. They're probably just not the ones for you, that's all.

 

Don't switch up your "approach" to looking for dating partners. Do it the way that's natural for you. Don't switch to being more aggressive because your usual way isn't working. Just stick with the natural you until the one who likes your "way" comes a long. Or if you like being more aggressive, stick to that.

 

I agree with jay and Redhead.

 

OP: When the other person's actually attracted to you, that usually makes things a LOT easier. It won't much matter whether you're subtle, strong, direct, etc. Method of approach/communication does somewhat matter...but it isn't THAT important.

 

I also think there's a difference between "communicating your interest clearly and unambiguously" and "coming on too strong". The latter may give off the impression of neediness or desperation...i.e. you're too invested.

 

Most people can tell when you seem unnatural in your actions, your body language, and overall how you carry yourself while interacting with others.

  • Like 1
Popsicle Established Member

Popsicle

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To be fair, coming on strong can be quite scary. Some guys just aren't used to it. I've had guys who were very attracted to me, but were also shocked at how straightforward I could be. One of these guys was into me for YEARS. Most of the time I won't come on strong unless I know he likes me.

 

Yes, they are shocked, but if he likes you he'll get over that quickly and you'll proceed to date each other.

preraph Established Member

preraph

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You need to just pay more attention the guys who try to talk to you and aren't stunted socially and find a more equal match. Those socially comfortable guys won't be bothered if you talk to them first either, but don't just go up being full-on flirty or they will assume you're a sure thing. That's the bane of being a healthily assertive woman. You do have to be more subtle for it not to backfire on you.

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Hopeful30 Established Member

Hopeful30

Posted
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They don't get it not because you are subtle, but because they aren't that attracted to you. Men think you come on too strong not because you are being straight, but because they aren't attracted to you at all

 

This is only when men show interest in me. It migt sound cocky but im not into men if theyre not into me. Waste of time and energy.

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