SycamoreCircle Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 I'm coming up on nearly one year, three months NC and the past week or so has meant some milestone feelings. Nothing I haven't felt before per se, but feeling them now is just more... natural. There's a sense of relief, forgiveness, indifference. I'm tired of caring, y'know? I'm tired of being so hard on myself and her. I'm tired of the severity of the thing. I'm tired of it feeling like such a momentous event. I guess I should add that I went at this pretty strangely. Monastically, you might say. I haven't really dated or slept with anyone. I haven't tried to lose myself in friends or new hobbies. I did take some trips. That was helpful and I have poured a lot of energy into LoveShack. I have a real distaste for women(romantically) and dating right now. I expect it will be that way for some time. I don't want to get involved with online dating anytime in the near future. I do like looking at women's profiles and I try to stay open, but mostly it just feels off. Maybe one day I'll be put in the midst of someone that I really like who really likes me back, and something will happen. In person. Until then, I'll just leave it alone... 5
15Love Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 Good for you!! This sounds like a great place to be. I'm back at the close of day one NC. Your story gives me hope. Thanks for sharing:) 1
Satu Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 When I was going through my own recovery from a bad relationship, I was walking down the road and a really weird feeling came over me. I stopped and took stock of myself, and realised that I was feeling happy for the first time in nearly two years That was my turning point. 3
Author SycamoreCircle Posted June 27, 2015 Author Posted June 27, 2015 I think loving someone, with all its wonders, builds and fortifies a wall of defiance to the elements. You're making something that keeps out wind and rain, coldness and dampness. Unfortunately, if you then discover that what you're trying to protect is not yours to protect, that defiance becomes your own worst enemy. The colossal structure that you made has to be abandoned, it has to be torn down and you are responsible for tearing it down. You suffer humiliation, weariness, disgust, rage. You're breaking rock apart with the dullest tools. When you're finally near the end and your hands are bleeding and you're fed up with the whole thing, it starts to make some sense to you. This long, wretched, stupid journey. It had to be this way. There was no alternative. Will I ever build something like this again? I don't know. I will say this, next time I'll make sure that my partner is putting in just as much effort as me. And if I see she's not, I'll halt progress until I know otherwise. 1
Marco Valerio Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 I feel every single of your words like my own. My feelings are just the same and my situation is pretty much like yours.
Itspointless Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 I will say this, next time I'll make sure that my partner is putting in just as much effort as me. And if I see she's not, I'll halt progress until I know otherwise. I hope but doubt it works that way. I tried to be careful, still finding out that she had left the moment I did not expect having to be careful any-more. It made me conclude what I do not like: we have to love with some reservation. I do not have a clue what that looks like or how that is done. I guess going slow is one element of it. And congratulations with the NC. We are sort of at the same length at it. 1
fireflywy Posted June 28, 2015 Posted June 28, 2015 I'm coming up on nearly one year, three months NC and the past week or so has meant some milestone feelings. Nothing I haven't felt before per se, but feeling them now is just more... natural. There's a sense of relief, forgiveness, indifference. I'm tired of caring, y'know? I'm tired of being so hard on myself and her. I'm tired of the severity of the thing. I'm tired of it feeling like such a momentous event. I guess I should add that I went at this pretty strangely. Monastically, you might say. I haven't really dated or slept with anyone. I haven't tried to lose myself in friends or new hobbies. I did take some trips. That was helpful and I have poured a lot of energy into LoveShack. I have a real distaste for women(romantically) and dating right now. I expect it will be that way for some time. I don't want to get involved with online dating anytime in the near future. I do like looking at women's profiles and I try to stay open, but mostly it just feels off. Maybe one day I'll be put in the midst of someone that I really like who really likes me back, and something will happen. In person. Until then, I'll just leave it alone... I am right there with you in how you feel about dating right now; right down to how you feel about OLD. Keep on keeping on my friend.
fireflywy Posted June 28, 2015 Posted June 28, 2015 I hope but doubt it works that way. I tried to be careful, still finding out that she had left the moment I did not expect having to be careful any-more. It made me conclude what I do not like: we have to love with some reservation. I do not have a clue what that looks like or how that is done. I guess going slow is one element of it. And congratulations with the NC. We are sort of at the same length at it. I'm thinking that I will stop expecting things. I wont expect loyalty, communication, sincerity, affection, kindness, openness, or honesty; they will either be there or they aren't. If I don't see these essential things in people, things necessary to develop a strong, loving, bond, then I'm not going to expect them and thus wait and struggle for them to show me, I'm just going to bail and move on. I kept waiting in my last relationship for these things, and took small spoonfuls to be sustaining meals. No more. 1
erklat Posted June 28, 2015 Posted June 28, 2015 Will I ever build something like this again? I don't know. You probably won't. There are some things that are blacklisted after the breakup and you will never repeat them, but they are the main ingredients of being in love naively with someone. That is the reason why I have these I wont expect loyalty, communication, sincerity, affection, kindness, openness, or honesty; they will either be there or they aren't. but I could also not have them. It makes no difference in the end.
Recommended Posts