Gaeta Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 I already got a new man. And he touches base with me daily since our 1st date :-)
Gaeta Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 Is this normal? He is older than I am. Early 40s. I am used to daily texting. How old are you? Maybe it's the first time he is dating much younger and he's afraid of appearing cligny and afraid of doing something that would scare you away.
katiegrl Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 (edited) He got back in touch. I felt like seeing him cause the sex is awesome and I have no problem managing casual sex. ***I do feel the chemistry but I know there is no relationship for me there**** , and I said it in my thread. He feels the chemistry but he's not looking for a relationship we clarified that. I have never said I am considering giving him a chance. I said I am not into going with the flow shyt. I was only happy him and I had a heart to heart and I got to know about being intimidating and I can make changes in my dating life. I already got a new man. Quote in asterisk -- Feeling chemistry weeks after a guy disappears.... but not going forward because said guy does not want a relationship with you is ALOT different from "losing interest " which is what you said happens to you if he doesn't contact you in seven days....which clearly is not true in every case.....obviously. But whatevs... I'm tired. Good luck with your new man..... Edited June 27, 2015 by katiegrl
Gaeta Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 I am not pursuing him or waiting for him. What is so hard to understand about that. Chemistry does not equal romantic interest. I cannot pursue a man that gives me so little attention even if bedroom chemistry is off the chart. Katie you are concentring on wrong element again. Back to OP's
katiegrl Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 (edited) AI am not pursuing him or waiting for him. What is so hard to understand about that. **Chemistry does not equal romantic interest** . I cannot pursue a man that gives me so little attention even if bedroom chemistry is off the chart. Katie you are concentring on wrong element again. Back to OP's Fair enough Gaeta. But for me though....when I *lose interest* in a man, it means he turns me off, and I feel *nothing" for him, including any *chemistry* I felt for him initially. It means I'm done, finite, buh bye, next....I don't wish to even talk to him anymore...and yeah I have a big heart too. For you losing interest means something different, which is fine. Thanks for clarifying. You're right. Back to OP.... Edited June 27, 2015 by katiegrl
GemmaUK Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 Sounds like a blissful amount of contact to me! I'm in my forties too and daily texting gets old very quickly for me plus you can end up with zero to say to each other when you see each other. I would address the lack of any touching though.
Gaeta Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 It all comes down to what OP wants and needs. Some of us like daily communications and some of us like a couple times a week and no more. There is no right or wrong.
Author feelingtorn Posted June 27, 2015 Author Posted June 27, 2015 Just to clarify....I was hoping for more contact because I felt extremely shy when he showed up for dinner at my place. Few texts exchanged that week, and this practically strange man showed up at my place for dinner. So, I was hoping for a little more contact, so I feel more comfortable around him. I did initiate a couple of texts this week, and yesterday, he voluntarily texted me twice. I think I will feel LESS shy tonight when I see him.
Author feelingtorn Posted July 2, 2015 Author Posted July 2, 2015 *update* We finally kissed and did the deed on our fifth date. That was this past Mon. He asked me right away if I was available on the fourth. And said we should keep in touch by texting in the meantime. We are both very shy. I am excited to spend the fourth with him. I am also very happy he is willing to see me now twice a week rather once a week. My question: We met five weeks ago and had five dates. I am planning to wait another month to bring up being exclusive? Is this too early? He has two small boys - 2 and 4 years old. When do I get to meet them? He works sun through wed and takes care of the boys thu through sat. Very busy. I would love to have a partner who can spend more than 1 or 2 times a week with me. I don't see how it is possible unless I meet the boys and start spending time together. Should I just wait until he is comfortable and suggests that I meet the boys? He also said he was not sure about getting married again. Is this a red flag?
smackie9 Posted July 2, 2015 Posted July 2, 2015 If you want to get married someday, then don't date this guy. It's best to put forward your expectations at the beginning instead of the "wait and see". Most who do that end up here asking us why their SO won't commit to marriage.
smackie9 Posted July 2, 2015 Posted July 2, 2015 TBH I think all he is looking for is companionship and get laid once in awhile.
Versacehottie Posted July 2, 2015 Posted July 2, 2015 *update* We finally kissed and did the deed on our fifth date. That was this past Mon. He asked me right away if I was available on the fourth. And said we should keep in touch by texting in the meantime. We are both very shy. I am excited to spend the fourth with him. I am also very happy he is willing to see me now twice a week rather once a week. My question: We met five weeks ago and had five dates. I am planning to wait another month to bring up being exclusive? Is this too early? He has two small boys - 2 and 4 years old. When do I get to meet them? He works sun through wed and takes care of the boys thu through sat. Very busy. I would love to have a partner who can spend more than 1 or 2 times a week with me. I don't see how it is possible unless I meet the boys and start spending time together. Should I just wait until he is comfortable and suggests that I meet the boys? He also said he was not sure about getting married again. Is this a red flag? I don't think it's too early to bring up exclusivity in a month because you've slept together. Maybe even now. As they say, before sex (which has happened so I think you are within your rights). You can bring it up by saying your own position on it and clarifying his. At the moment, it sounds like he is doing the best he can with his schedule, dating you and juggling his responsibilities. About meeting his sons, I think that you wait until he suggests it. Just show him when you guys discuss it that you would be open to it and are kid-friendly. But that has to happen in his timeframe--don't push him on this. Sometimes I think divorced people will say they're not sure if they want to get married again. Sometime they mean it and sometimes they just feel burned and scared. You need to delve into this issue more with him gently. I think one of the easiest ways to find out what he really thinks is tell him that you do see yourself married someday (lightheartedly) and gauge his reaction. Then see if you can open a discussion with him about it. I'd give it a few weeks unless he adamantly says he wouldn't. Sometimes people need to mull over what's been presented to them to come around. But only a short time--you can't afford to get more invested into someone who is unwilling to give you what you want. Taking a guess here with fingers crossed for you: that he is just gun-shy because his kids are so young so it's obviously relatively recent. The more recent it was I think the more likely he it is that he feeling the failure of it and scared to try again. Definitely pay attention to how he speaks of his ex, how their relationship is because if you end up together that's your life too! Also how he speaks of his ex I think is a huge indicator of whether guys will get remarry. Bitter ones who speak of money-drain of divorce in regards to ex are often very serious about never remarrying. Stats on 2nd marriage for guys are actually great though--they are usually much happier 2nd time around. Hopefully, if you get sufficient answers about marriage and exclusivity, relax and just enjoy learning about one another and dating. Don't rush to next steps. There is a lot to learn about another person before you jump in with both feet---over time~
Author feelingtorn Posted July 2, 2015 Author Posted July 2, 2015 I don't think it's too early to bring up exclusivity in a month because you've slept together. Maybe even now. As they say, before sex (which has happened so I think you are within your rights). You can bring it up by saying your own position on it and clarifying his. At the moment, it sounds like he is doing the best he can with his schedule, dating you and juggling his responsibilities. About meeting his sons, I think that you wait until he suggests it. Just show him when you guys discuss it that you would be open to it and are kid-friendly. But that has to happen in his timeframe--don't push him on this. Sometimes I think divorced people will say they're not sure if they want to get married again. Sometime they mean it and sometimes they just feel burned and scared. You need to delve into this issue more with him gently. I think one of the easiest ways to find out what he really thinks is tell him that you do see yourself married someday (lightheartedly) and gauge his reaction. Then see if you can open a discussion with him about it. I'd give it a few weeks unless he adamantly says he wouldn't. Sometimes people need to mull over what's been presented to them to come around. But only a short time--you can't afford to get more invested into someone who is unwilling to give you what you want. Taking a guess here with fingers crossed for you: that he is just gun-shy because his kids are so young so it's obviously relatively recent. The more recent it was I think the more likely he it is that he feeling the failure of it and scared to try again. Definitely pay attention to how he speaks of his ex, how their relationship is because if you end up together that's your life too! Also how he speaks of his ex I think is a huge indicator of whether guys will get remarry. Bitter ones who speak of money-drain of divorce in regards to ex are often very serious about never remarrying. Stats on 2nd marriage for guys are actually great though--they are usually much happier 2nd time around. Hopefully, if you get sufficient answers about marriage and exclusivity, relax and just enjoy learning about one another and dating. Don't rush to next steps. There is a lot to learn about another person before you jump in with both feet---over time~ Thanks for the thoughtful advice. I do agree that I should wait until he suggests meeting his kids. I am a bit nervous about bringing up being exclusive because of my last dating exp. I brought it up with the last guy after a month. The last guy wanted to see me all the time and we had a lot more than 5 dates - double digit number - in less than a month. After he suddenly faded away and broke up with me, people on LS said I should have paced myself and waited much longer before bringing up the exclusive talk. And, in regards to his anti marriage comment, I was like that and am still like that at times. I divorced about 8 years ago and for a while, I was never interested in getting re-married. But, my attitude has changed a bit over the past few years. I will get to know him first and then bring it up when our relationship is more stabilized and mature. 1
Versacehottie Posted July 2, 2015 Posted July 2, 2015 Thanks for the thoughtful advice. I do agree that I should wait until he suggests meeting his kids. I am a bit nervous about bringing up being exclusive because of my last dating exp. I brought it up with the last guy after a month. The last guy wanted to see me all the time and we had a lot more than 5 dates - double digit number - in less than a month. After he suddenly faded away and broke up with me, people on LS said I should have paced myself and waited much longer before bringing up the exclusive talk. And, in regards to his anti marriage comment, I was like that and am still like that at times. I divorced about 8 years ago and for a while, I was never interested in getting re-married. But, my attitude has changed a bit over the past few years. I will get to know him first and then bring it up when our relationship is more stabilized and mature. You won't get any arguments from me about your current exclusivity stance. Generally I think it's better if the guy brings it up with you. If it's within your composition to wait, and you are seeing him on your own terms anyway, then why rush. Although it's important to manage expectations, make sure you are on same page. If you can just view this phase of dating as the fun it's supposed to be and go with the flow, I say go for it. You want him to pin you down and worry that if he doesn't step of his level of commitment, he's in danger of you slipping through his fingers. This is in contrast from my previous advice to you. Your tone in that seemed like you "needed" exclusivity from him. A lot of women do before they sleep together. Or in your case, right around this time. Since you've already past that and if you have no feelings of the sort, just enjoy. So based on your new information, I wouldn't pick an arbitrary time to say when you need exclusivity. I would just do it when it feels right to you. Or better yet, make him pin you down. Make sure he's not got his cake and eating it too though (he doesn't sound like this so far). It's one thing if a person doesn't have enough time to date others (like him) but you want to make sure they are "choosing" not to date others as a sign of their commitment to you. It sounds like you can relate to where he is coming from with your own divorce. That's probably a good place to speak from when you guys do discuss his intentions to marry again. good luck
fred123 Posted July 2, 2015 Posted July 2, 2015 Quote in asterisk -- Feeling chemistry weeks after a guy disappears.... but not going forward because said guy does not want a relationship with you is ALOT different from "losing interest " which is what you said happens to you if he doesn't contact you in seven days....which clearly is not true in every case.....obviously. But whatevs... I'm tired. Good luck with your new man..... women can and will rationalise anything. clearly you can act like a jerk and still get sex. ignoring a girl for 3 weeks deosnt put the girl off from wanting him sexually if she is into him. that is always the point. all rules that women say go out of the window when they like a guy
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