kit4kat Posted April 30, 2005 Posted April 30, 2005 I'm having a problem with one of my close friends, well, with someone I used to consider a close friend. He and I grew very close together over the past year or so, he became one of my best friends and I considered him like a brother to me. Recently, he changed his life around... which is a good thing, but it shocked everyone in his life. He started going to church, stopped drinking and smoking, stopped swearing-- he literally became a "good guy" within the matter of two weeks. Since his change, he's been picking fights with me. I don't get it. I feel that friends should be open and honest with each other, and I thought he felt the same thing, but he's been telling me otherwise. He was confused at first why people were looking at him differently, so I explained that when someones life changes within a matter of weeks, people are going to doubt and ask questions. I told him I thought it was great and that I was really proud of him for making this decision, but still he picked a fight with me over that. And then he began to spread rumors about me, at church! After about three weeks of fighting and ignoring and fake niceness, we settled our differences and became friends again. Well, just a couple of days ago he decided to tell me he was thinking about joining the Marines. I told him thats great, if thats what you know you want to do with your life then awesome, I'll support you 100%, as long as you do it for the right reasons. I didn't mean anything by it, and I told him that, but he flipped out! I tried explaining that it was a general comment, and that I'd tell anyone that, and I just want whats best for him. He took my words, twisted them around, and made me out to be the bad guy. I really don't get him at all anymore. What should I do? It seems he's trying very hard to go out of his way just to pick a fight with me. Its driving me crazy! We used to be so open and honest with each other, and now he's done a complete 180. Help!
Jadey Posted May 1, 2005 Posted May 1, 2005 Hello Kit4Kat. Im in a very simaliar situation with a friend and i know its tough. Right firstly, have you actually spoken to him about this? Have you said to him "look youre a good friend but i really dont like how you talk to me sometimes. I feel you like to start fights with me for no reason lately anf it hurts me." If not i reccomend doing so. But please note its always better to start it off on a positive note. Starting with "youre a good friend but" then that makes him see you do like him but theres something not right in your friendship. It sounds like hes had ALOT of changes in his life and is tryinh hs best to change his life around, for the better. This has got to put alot of stress and preassure and confusion onto his shoulders. I understnafd this is no excuse to be picking fights with you but take it into account, it must be stressful for him. I also sense a lack of communication and a bad case of missunderstanding eachother! From wot i can read into it he feels youre having a go. Atlough its clear to you, and me, that you arent, he sees it differently. Because he has tried his hardest to turn his life around for the better, yet everyone is questionging him (which is understandable) he may well feel like nothing he does is right. Hes changed his life around yet everyone is still "complaining" "he cant win" When he tells you of his aims and goals, do you sound generally interested and proud? Maybe he feels youre not. Maybe he wants the spotlight on him and everyone to say how sonderful he is being. In short, you MUST talk to him and ecplain hes hurting you. Explain you ARE proud of his changes and that you mean no harm when questioning him. If you dont try to talk to him you probably ownt get nowhere. Try this first and let me know wot happens. Good luck
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