soulseek Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 So I broke up with my ex three months ago simply because i lost all my friends, and wanted to re-build myself, and also because we started spending less time with eachother, stopped sleeping together etc. The way I explained it to people was that I felt like we were just best friends after dating for almost 3 years. Obviously he was not happy with the decision, and at that point he was begging to get back with me. I went out every weekend and started meeting a lot new people. During this time, we kept in contact talking here and there. I went on vacation, and he was upset that I did not message him. When i returned, we talked every day for three full weeks, and I started getting feelings again. Then he went on vacation for 10 days and promised he would talk to me. He contacted me twice, only because he found out I was injured. I get he was on vacation, but I thought he would have made a greater effort to check in. When he returned, we met up and talked about his trip. The conversation was all about him, and I felt like he wasn't into what i was up to when he was gone. However, He wanted to try and work things out but take it slow. At this point my feelings had taken over and I wanted to jump right into things because I knew that was the only way I could give it my all. He didn't want this relationship right now though. He seemed to be so busy with work, I felt like communication was not happening as much as it previously was. HOWEVER, when he was on vacation I felt shunned that he was on social media the entire trip but didn't reach out to me and only messaged me after he found out I was hurt. I went out with a guy for drinks with some friends, and on the weekend I went to a party with him and made a mistake. When I realized what was happening, I stopped right away as guilt took over. I immediately told this other guy about my ex, and he understood. I am an honest person, and when my ex asked me if I had been with another guy.. I said yes. He ended all ties, and removed me from social media and never wants to speak to me again. I tried to talk to him and tell him now I truly felt, but he wants nothing to do with me. This guy is literally my life. I do not know how I can ever move on was I in the wrong? Or would one considering this cheating considering our situation?
loveiswar101 Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 (edited) Sorry but reading this you have a long way to go in what you want and need. He reminds me of me a bit...try looking at it from his point of view. A. You let him go..you the being the dumper. B. He did not want that. C. You quite easily sleep with someone else, yes not together but still would scar him. D. Why would he reach out when on holiday when you no longer want him. Anyhow not to be rude or nasty but what do you want here. You broke up with him, selfish enough to stay in contact and bleed the guy of his emotions i.e want cake and eat it too. No where above do you state what you want. Either be with him or not, reconcile or not. You did no wrong sleeping with the other guy as you weren't together. But still would be hurtful to him. I would say he is angry right now and yes if it was me I to would want nothing to do with you. You dumped him and went with someone else ! BUT, there is a but in my eyes. Time is a healer and helps people sort there emotions out. First you need to think of what you want, while doing this I would give this guy as much space as you can, NC leave him alone (guessing he's angry and emotion at this point). When you decide what you want, i.e you decide to re-build yourself then leave the guy alone forever, if however you want him back and to try again leave it a few months and drop him a text. Good Luck Sorry forgot to add, if you do decide to try and reconcile, make sure you are 100%. Edited June 26, 2015 by loveiswar101
Author soulseek Posted June 26, 2015 Author Posted June 26, 2015 (edited) Prior to him leaving, we were talking everyday as if we were back together. I felt really good about things because I got myself back on my own two feet. I understand that I dumped him, but I made him my life. Lost friends, and literally did nothing other than see him in his spare time or when he wasn't with friends. Before he left we indicated that we would work on things as things were clearly moving forward. I will say, that I did not actively go into a situation thinking that I would sleep with another guy. I'm not even going to defend my actions there though because what done is done. However, I do know that I do love my ex. I would literally do anything to get back to the place we were once at. I was the one who was pushing to be official again, however it seemed at that point he wasn't ready to commit. The conversation came up, and I choose to be honest about what I was up to while he was gone. If I choose to NOT be honest, I would be with him today. Edited June 26, 2015 by soulseek
loveiswar101 Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 OK, you say you love him and want to get back with him. You need to be 100%. I'm thinking while you were talking everyday things were fine, yet you gave no indication of what you wanted. ie get back together. A dumpee needs to hear this sincerely and honestly from a dumper, no if's or buts etc. Just my opinion only but leave him alone for now ie NC I can't empathize this enough, damage of dumping him/the other guy has made him put his guard up, if you harass or pester I'm pretty sure you will push him away further.. Give him the space and time to reflect where he's at. The same time it will give you more time to see where your at. As say in 6 to 8 weeks if you still feel you want to get back and he hasn't contacted you drop him a text about catching up. (not one of hi how are you ? sort of text's) but a "hey love to catch up text). Good luck and again just my thoughts.
Author soulseek Posted June 27, 2015 Author Posted June 27, 2015 I may not have been very clear when writing this post, but trust me when I say, I made my intentions very clear when we were talking. He was very aware that I was ready to enter back in the relationship. I got push back from him as he wasn't ready to commit right away. Thank you for responding
aloneinaz Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 Here's a different perspective. Initially, you stated lots of deal breakers for any relationship. Not spending time together, not sleeping together (that's odd) and you made it sound like the relationship ran its course. It sounds like to me, you made the correct decision in ending it. Why would you go back and revisit a relationship that failed the first time? When people stop having sex after only three years, that's a pretty big deal. You ex got dumped by you. I have to applaud him for not jumping back into the relationship, only to be potentially dumped again. For him to be mad or upset that you slept w/someone else while you were broken up is to be expected though it seems a bit dramatic on his part. It kind of seems like now that HE doesn't want to be back in a relationship, it's making you want what YOU can't have now. That's kind of a dumpers thought process. They feel like they can always go back to the dumped as a safety net if things in the single world don't play out to their liking. Personally, I think you should leave him alone. Your decision to end a dysfunctional relationship appeared to be sound. Why go back and recycle something that didn't work the first time? Stay on this site and read all the threads of reconciliations that were great for the first few weeks or a month or two. They then fall back into the same issues that cause the first break up. Be strong. Leave the guy alone so he can heal. You will too.
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