darkfoxjj Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 I think this is an odd turn of events, maybe you can help me understand why the heck this happened. So up until Monday we were having small talk until I thought it seemed like she wanted me to tell her my feelings. So I said I would like to work on "us". She said she didn't want to. So I said: Ok, I guess I don't want to be with someone who doesn't even admit their faults anyway. Hope you have a nice life X. She angrily messaged me back saying that she still wants her stuff and the money for my festival ticket. I ignored that until yesterday. Yesterday I said "that I'd love to have given her vest back but I was sick." Today I messaged her again. Saying "I am doing a lot better now and would like to give you the vest back if you still want it it before the festival starts. And could I have my festival ticket too, because I am better now and would like to go there myself." -Got completely ignored-. Could anyone give me some insight into why anyone would do that? Doesn't she want her money plus vest back (like she so angrily texted me on Monday)? I guess it doesn't really matter since I will not be contacting her again now, but I do find it very strange behavior.
Satu Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 To be honest, I think you're playing games with her. Give her what she wants, and cut contact. *No direct contact in either direction. No sending or receiving of messages. No replies. Block any means she might use to contact you. *No indirect contact through third parties. *De-friend or delete from all social media. *No monitoring of her on social media. *No 'little birds' feeding you news. *Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying. 3
Author darkfoxjj Posted June 26, 2015 Author Posted June 26, 2015 I guess she must be thinking the same thing then. You are wrong, I was trying to do her a favor. People misinterpret favors for weakness/ill intent. So no more favors then.
mightycpa Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 I guess she must be thinking the same thing then. You are wrong, I was trying to do her a favor. People misinterpret favors for weakness/ill intent. So no more favors then.I have two comments about this whole thing. #1 , you certainly came across like you were playing games. Monday you're ok, then after you are angrily rebuffed, on Wednesday you declare you were sick, and offer to return the vest, which implies contact. Now she's scared to see you, because she thinks she's going to have to endure your entreaties to reconcile, and maybe forget the vest + extra ticket is a good trade for her not having to see you. Or, #2 - you were sick for two days... maybe she is too. Maybe you didn't get completely ignored and you're just being oversensitive. The best thing you can probably do is to get in touch with a friend, and have them deliver the vest and forget about the ticket - it's her problem now. 3
Author darkfoxjj Posted June 26, 2015 Author Posted June 26, 2015 You mean it seemed I was playing games because of the 'being sick' excuse? I have been sick since Sunday evening - where my ex actually measured my temperature (strange ey?). So she knows I was sick and telling the truth. She might have thought I wasn't VERY sick, because on sunday I wasn't. But it actually became worse. Yesterday I was so sick that I had a shaking fever the entire night + had to lay down the entire day to fight a massive headache. So I am sorry - you should have more faith in people. And I already did contact her friend (who is actually with her now at the festival). He ignored me too (and YES he has read and received the message). Perhaps you can now begin to understand my frustration here?
frigginlost Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 I think this is an odd turn of events, maybe you can help me understand why the heck this happened. So up until Monday we were having small talk until I thought it seemed like she wanted me to tell her my feelings. So I said I would like to work on "us". She said she didn't want to. So I said: Ok, I guess I don't want to be with someone who doesn't even admit their faults anyway. Hope you have a nice life X. She angrily messaged me back saying that she still wants her stuff and the money for my festival ticket. I ignored that until yesterday. Yesterday I said "that I'd love to have given her vest back but I was sick." Today I messaged her again. Saying "I am doing a lot better now and would like to give you the vest back if you still want it it before the festival starts. And could I have my festival ticket too, because I am better now and would like to go there myself." -Got completely ignored-. Could anyone give me some insight into why anyone would do that? Doesn't she want her money plus vest back (like she so angrily texted me on Monday)? I guess it doesn't really matter since I will not be contacting her again now, but I do find it very strange behavior. That is a game. You may not see it, but it is. Unless your sickness included paralysis, it would have taken two seconds to text her that your ill, but would set up arrangements to get her her stuff. We all understand that you were probably still upset that she informed you that she did not want to work on you two, but your actions after that do come off as game playing. We have all done it... 1
Author darkfoxjj Posted June 26, 2015 Author Posted June 26, 2015 She already knew I was ill, so I don't see why I would have to text her that I was still ill every single day? I texted her when I was better (which was today). And I even texted her yesterday the day that I had hoped to have exhanged the stuff, which would have been the best timing for her. Anyway what would be the best way to make it clear to her that I am not playing games - like it is clearly coming across as.
beach Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 Sounds like she wanted you to accept responsibility for how you've participated in the failure of the R. Since you didn't offer your truth to her - she might figure there's no way to make it better. And so she feels done with it. Pack her stuff and send the things and money to her via a friend. She may not give the ticket to you... So IF she does consider it a bonus. And then go no contact with her. Your expectations don't align well with hers. 2
somecamel Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 She already knew I was ill, so I don't see why I would have to text her that I was still ill every single day? I texted her when I was better (which was today). And I even texted her yesterday the day that I had hoped to have exhanged the stuff, which would have been the best timing for her. Anyway what would be the best way to make it clear to her that I am not playing games - like it is clearly coming across as. You're still playing games by asking how to not look like you're playing games. We get it dude, your head is probably still all over the place and you're making up excuses for contact, as someone said above, we've all done it. It's sad sometimes because despite what advice you get here, you're still going to do what you need to do. Or you could save yourself some heartache and go no contact.
Author darkfoxjj Posted June 26, 2015 Author Posted June 26, 2015 Sounds like she wanted you to accept responsibility for how you've participated in the failure of the R. Since you didn't offer your truth to her - she might figure there's no way to make it better. And so she feels done with it. Pack her stuff and send the things and money to her via a friend. She may not give the ticket to you... So IF she does consider it a bonus. And then go no contact with her. Your expectations don't align well with hers. I have offered my truth to her multiple times (I believe anyway). I have told her exactly what my thought processes were. And also said that I could understand and even forgive her for acting the way she did. She just denies going to those dating websites. Even though it was in the browsing history of her laptop at the time (I didn't invade her privacy for no reason - read my initial thread). Unforunately I feel like I don't owe her money if I am not even in possesion of a ticket I didn't use. But I'd still like to pay it because I still love her.
Author darkfoxjj Posted June 26, 2015 Author Posted June 26, 2015 You're still playing games by asking how to not look like you're playing games. We get it dude, your head is probably still all over the place and you're making up excuses for contact, as someone said above, we've all done it. It's sad sometimes because despite what advice you get here, you're still going to do what you need to do. Or you could save yourself some heartache and go no contact. Since monday I have gone NC, that was the entire point of me 'ignoring' her. It's funny that you advise me to go no contact, but seem to miss the fact that I already did that since monday. You say I am playing games, no contact comes across like that I guess.
frigginlost Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 I have offered my truth to her multiple times (I believe anyway). I have told her exactly what my thought processes were. And also said that I could understand and even forgive her for acting the way she did. She just denies going to those dating websites. Even though it was in the browsing history of her laptop at the time (I didn't invade her privacy for no reason - read my initial thread). Unforunately I feel like I don't owe her money if I am not even in possesion of a ticket I didn't use. But I'd still like to pay it because I still love her. Dark, you really, really, need to back away from your broken relationship right now. You have to remember, that you dumped her. Right now she does not care one bit how you are feeling regarding her. Pile on top of that the game playing and you are literally placing landmines 6 inches in front of you with every step. Back off for a little bit.
Author darkfoxjj Posted June 26, 2015 Author Posted June 26, 2015 Dark, you really, really, need to back away from your broken relationship right now. You have to remember, that you dumped her. Right now she does not care one bit how you are feeling regarding her. Pile on top of that the game playing and you are literally placing landmines 6 inches in front of you with every step. Back off for a little bit. I already have backed off, but she wanted her stuff back before the festival. I thought I'd be kind, show her I care about her and do that. But it is VERY frustrating being accused of all of this mess. Because I did not dump her. She thought I did and immediately packed my stuff and told me to pick it up - which I saw as her dumping me. So I did, because I was already pissed off at her having visited online dating sites. I am not playing a damn game here, could you please enlighten me what EXACTLY came across as gameplaying? It could help me correct that in the future! Thanks
frigginlost Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 I already have backed off, but she wanted her stuff back before the festival. I thought I'd be kind, show her I care about her and do that. But it is VERY frustrating being accused of all of this mess. Because I did not dump her. She thought I did and immediately packed my stuff and told me to pick it up - which I saw as her dumping me. So I did, because I was already pissed off at her having visited online dating sites. I am not playing a damn game here, could you please enlighten me what EXACTLY came across as gameplaying? It could help me correct that in the future! Thanks I don't get it. You'd think that exes who have clearly been dumped for probably the best reason there is - would want a second chance with the person they love. That is from your very first post. It *screams* game playing. When you break up with someone or are dumped (it matters not) the relationship is dead. From that very instance it does not matter who does or says what about the relationship because it is kaput. We have all done exactly what you have done (doing) and understand. You need to look at things from a 3rd person perspective: The relationship is dead. Any communication between you two (if at all) should be short, blunt, and to the point (no positioning for a response be it anger or sorrow). Your posts make it seem as you are looking for a certain response from her and since you're not getting it, you're confused why. Stop wasting brain cells on it. Back away... When she contacts you again (she will) stick to the subject and do not try to read into it. Take it a face value and don't analyze. 1
mightycpa Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 Yeah. It's the back and forth, like ping-pong or tennis. It's the continuing to engage. I'll give you credit... you took your shot: So I said I would like to work on "us".then you got your answer: She said she didn't want to.your reply was a little pouty, but that's forgivable under the circumstances: Ok, I guess I don't want to be with someone who doesn't even admit their faults anyway. Hope you have a nice life X.Then, final instructions: She angrily messaged me back saying that she still wants her stuff and the money for my festival ticket. This is where the game begins: I ignored that until yesterday.You shouldn't have ignored that. The correct response would have been something like: It will be in a box on my doorstep. Come get it whenever you want it, and don't contact me again. Why you ask? Because of this: Hope you have a nice life X. You put it out there. That's some serious ****, my friend. You either meant it, or you didn't. If you didn't, you're playing emotional games. If you did, you're not following through. I think the general consensus of us flies on the wall is to follow through without engaging. Drop the stuff off at her place. Send a text or an email: Your stuff is on your doorstep. Have a nice life. 1
Author darkfoxjj Posted June 27, 2015 Author Posted June 27, 2015 Thanks for the explanation. I already told her this before that final message though (initially didn't want to create a wall of text for people to read): I would have loved to give you the vest asap if you had been my girlfriend, but since you are not anymore because you choose so. I am going to do what is best for me now. I will give it back to you when I am better. Hopefully soon.
Author darkfoxjj Posted July 19, 2015 Author Posted July 19, 2015 I put off bringing her stuff back for a while. Until she ignored my birthday a couple of days back- which has made it clear to me what she wants. Have emailed her telling her that I will leave it on her doorstep tomorrow or the day after. In the afternoon so that I will hopefully not disturb her. No response from her about what time would be best though, which I find odd. Does anyone understand why? I shall still continue with the plan because I don't want to throw it away and I can't keep it here either.
Simon Phoenix Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 Thanks for the explanation. I already told her this before that final message though (initially didn't want to create a wall of text for people to read): I would have loved to give you the vest asap if you had been my girlfriend, but since you are not anymore because you choose so. I am going to do what is best for me now. I will give it back to you when I am better. Hopefully soon. The fact that she's not your girlfriend was not a reason to hold the vest hostage. Just drop it off and be done with it. This message was unnecessarily prickly. And she's not sending you a message because there's no need to. She'd rather you just put it there and leave -- she doesn't want to give you any information on when she'll be around that you'll use to try to talk to her.
Author darkfoxjj Posted July 19, 2015 Author Posted July 19, 2015 The fact that she's not your girlfriend was not a reason to hold the vest hostage. Just drop it off and be done with it. This message was unnecessarily prickly. And she's not sending you a message because there's no need to. She'd rather you just put it there and leave -- she doesn't want to give you any information on when she'll be around that you'll use to try to talk to her. Agreed about the pricklyness I guess, but it was the truth. She is just keeping no contact, I can respect that. I was just wondering why not say 'thanks' or anything regarding the drop off you know. I would not go around there without letting her know first, that's why I sent this email.
Simon Phoenix Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 Agreed about the pricklyness I guess, but it was the truth. She is just keeping no contact, I can respect that. I was just wondering why not say 'thanks' or anything regarding the drop off you know. I would not go around there without letting her know first, that's why I sent this email. Because she's done with it. She knows you are going to drop it off, so drop it off and end it.
Recommended Posts