Dustin0308 Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 Long story short, I know my bpd ex and I can't work,we are too toxic for each other to have a loving relationship. Things got out of hand 2 and a half weeks ago, she got physical and threatened me, so I blocked her when I left and haven't spoken to or seen her since. My issue: She decides to call me from another number that I didn't have blocked, leaves a vm for me asking how my family and i are doing. Asking how my dad is doing (he is dying and she was always supportive of me with this, minus the extra stress she caused me on a constant basis). Should I return her call saying thanks, be short with her and say dad has a few weeks left to live? Or should I completely ignore it? Just don't wanna fall back into this relationship circle with her again. I have kept strict to no contact this far. Thanks and hopefully I can get some advice.
GorillaTheater Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 Even without the BPD aspect, you'd be f*cking nuts not to stick to NC. Throw in a personality disorder that likely left you twisting in knots far more often than you'd like and you'd have to be, well, whatever is even worse than merely f*cking nuts. Don't do it. You'll be sorry. 1
Clarence_Boddicker Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 If you think she's being genuine about your dad, you can text her about his condition & thanking her for her support of you about it. 1
Author Dustin0308 Posted June 26, 2015 Author Posted June 26, 2015 Yea she said call her if I feel like it but she has been thinking about him. Idk. Bc I don't want her thinking it is ok what she did and we are getting back together, Bc we aren't. But I also don't wanna be a jerk if she is genuine. She was never classified bpd, just with some other things but is termed an u determined mood disorder. I put it together Bc of the way she acts over the past year.
Clarence_Boddicker Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 I wouldn't call her at all. Send her a brief text about your dad only. That's kind of a separate issue than the ended relationship. It doesn't sound like she's wigging out on you about being dumped. 1
GorillaTheater Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 I wouldn't call her at all. Send her a brief text about your dad only. That's kind of a separate issue than the ended relationship. It doesn't sound like she's wigging out on you about being dumped. As long as he's firm and resolute about this being the ONLY communication from his end, I could agree. The problem is that it's akin to opening a portal to a black hole: it becomes real easy to get sucked in if she responds the way I think she will, with a lot of blame and painting black. Whether he responds or not, it's not healthy reading stuff like that. 1
Author Dustin0308 Posted June 26, 2015 Author Posted June 26, 2015 As long as he's firm and resolute about this being the ONLY communication from his end, I could agree. The problem is that it's akin to opening a portal to a black hole: it becomes real easy to get sucked in if she responds the way I think she will, with a lot of blame and painting black. Whether he responds or not, it's not healthy reading stuff like that. Please elaborate on what u think may happen. Like the blame thing etc..I'm genuinely interested Bc this is what I'm worried about and want to stay away from.
GorillaTheater Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 Please elaborate on what u think may happen. Like the blame thing etc..I'm genuinely interested Bc this is what I'm worried about and want to stay away from. You know her a lot better than I do, so you're probably in a better position to say what it may look like. I can only speak in generalities, but generally, it's going to consist of putting all the blame on you and about how you thoroughly suck as a human being. I'd pass on that, thanks.
Author Dustin0308 Posted June 26, 2015 Author Posted June 26, 2015 Well since she sounded genuine I responded and kept it short but nice. "Dad has weeks left. Myself and the family are ok but sad. Hurting. Stressed. Thanks for asking. Ttyl" I regret saying ttyl so as not to give her hope. I use it more as a cya type of thing. Just closing the sentence so she gets that I don't wanna talk.
Author Dustin0308 Posted June 26, 2015 Author Posted June 26, 2015 What really does kind of upset me tho is the fact that she knows I blocked her Bc she called from a different number. She should have gotten the hint already that I didn't want to talk to her or I would have unblocked her and called her. So she found a number that wasn't blocked to call me from. No respect of boundaries and other peoples feelings.
aloneinaz Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 Having "enjoyed" a BPD women myself, yes that's sarcastic, I'd say absolutely do not break your NC w/her. She's simply trying to get you to engage w/her again. BPD women are very controlling, manipulative and will play your emotions like a piano. They know how to play people for THEIR needs. You've gotten yourself off that emotional rollercoaster ride from hell. Don't get back on it to be "polite" or civil. You owe her nothing like she owes you nothing. Stay strong and move onto a healthy relationship. 1
Fleur de cactus Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 Sorry about your dad. I know for sure you need someone to give you a word of comfort, and apathy during his moment of grief. However, don't wish to have this comfort from you ex. It is not wise, I strongly discourage you to get in touch with her. She is manipulating you and she is using the most sensitive reason to get in touch with you so that she can get the foot in you life again. Dont buy it, her tactic is to go back in your life, she is using your father as a ladder to get back to you. 1
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