lilwing Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 We started dating in April, I asked her to be my gf May 5th, and early this month I got infected with chlamydia. Instantly I was suspicious she cheated on me. There was one time in May, May 23rd, that I thought she might have cheated on me because she said she was 'seeing a friend'. Tonight I went snooping around on her phone and found out that she had slept with this friend a couple of times. I found sexting and dirty pics. May 23rd I found an exchange in which she said "No I shouldn't meet up, I am seeing someone" and then later an exchange in which one apologizes to the other about blood and he found a pair of earrings. She was sleeping when I discovered this, so I decided to leave. I left a note next to her phone saying "In May you cheated on me and then you gave me chlamydia. I trusted you." Did I do the right thing? I feel like I should dump her, but we have what I think, er thought(?), was a nice relationship. I don't know what to do.
hudson701 Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 send her packing. Have some self respect. Same thing happened to me 6 weeks ago. I dressed her down then told her to F off. Feeling much better for it and in the long run she will respect you more. 2
Author lilwing Posted June 26, 2015 Author Posted June 26, 2015 (edited) So she left me a voicemail saying that she swears to god she didn't cheat on me and that we weren't exclusive when that stuff happened. Then she also said it was invasive for me to go through her phone like that. Then she sends me a text saying she is so sorry and is begging to explain this to me. I don't know what to think. Did I maybe read too far between the lines? I think I will talk about this and hear her out, but I honestly don't know what to do. Edited June 26, 2015 by lilwing 1
Lois_Griffin Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 Well, you just got diagnosed for Chlamydia in JUNE. You saw clearly incriminating evidence of sexting, etc. etc. dated in LATE MAY on her phone. I don't even know WHAT to say about the blood thing. Gag. Of course she's got a different story to tell - and plenty of tears to sway you while she tells you her 'tale' and how you've got it all wrong. After all - who are you going to believe? Her, or your LYING eyes? 3
kendahke Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 We started dating in April, I asked her to be my gf May 5th, and early this month I got infected with chlamydia. Instantly I was suspicious she cheated on me. There was one time in May, May 23rd, that I thought she might have cheated on me because she said she was 'seeing a friend'. Tonight I went snooping around on her phone and found out that she had slept with this friend a couple of times. I found sexting and dirty pics. May 23rd I found an exchange in which she said "No I shouldn't meet up, I am seeing someone" and then later an exchange in which one apologizes to the other about blood and he found a pair of earrings. She was sleeping when I discovered this, so I decided to leave. I left a note next to her phone saying "In May you cheated on me and then you gave me chlamydia. I trusted you." Did I do the right thing? I feel like I should dump her, but we have what I think, er thought(?), was a nice relationship. I don't know what to do. Did either of you bother to suggest having and STD test before you had unprotected sex with one another? She may have been carrying it before you smashed. 7
d0nnivain Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 She was sleeping when I discovered this, so I decided to leave. I left a note next to her phone saying "In May you cheated on me and then you gave me chlamydia. I trusted you." Did I do the right thing? No you didn't do the right thing. It's fine that you broke up with her but leaving her a note was a rotten thing to do. Also you have no idea how long she has had chlamydia. You don't even know that she knew she had it so you chose write her a note telling her she had an STD. It shows no compassion whatsoever on your part. 1
Emmie83 Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 I think you need to sit down with her and talk it out and then decide where it will go afterwards in regards to your relationship. 1
No Limit Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 It's good you dumped her; and use protection in the future because girls like her don't. Don't put yourself at risk. 1
LostOnes05 Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 Walk away from her. She is bad news. As someone else said, she will have to respect you for leaving. If I was gonna be petty though, I would've screenshot the messages and posted them from her social media accounts. Then acted surprised when I saw them online. GOT EM!
kendahke Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 Walk away from her. She is bad news. As someone else said, she will have to respect you for leaving. If I was gonna be petty though, I would've screenshot the messages and posted them from her social media accounts. Then acted surprised when I saw them online. GOT EM! Leaving her be is all that's required.
Author lilwing Posted June 26, 2015 Author Posted June 26, 2015 So she blew up my phone last night - I didn't respond. Then she showed up at my place. I almost didn't answer the door. She was crying and seemed really regretful. She said she has not slept with him in over a year and that they were just sexting messages. She admitted that she was doing this in April when we were first dating. Then May 23rd, she swore they didn't have sex. He just happened to be in town with one of her really good friends from Wisconsin. She said she was never even alone with him that night and I can even ask her friend. Apparently they wrestled though (which to me sounds so suspicious), and he pushed her into a wall really hard and he fell down and bit his lip or something. I think we actually had sex that night when she came over, but I don't remember seeing any signs that she had been with someone else. She has not contacted him ever since (I didn't see any messages on her phone, either). I asked why she is still his friend and everything and her response was that she was stupid and didn't even think of it. Today she defriended the guy on Facebook. What I originally suspected: She didn't see our relationship as exclusive until this month; she thought it was OK to sext a friend/fling while we were dating and early on in our relationship. She had a fling with him when they were in town and she tried to cover it up because she wanted to be with me. Her story: She saw us exclusive a week or two after I asked her to be my gf. She had a friend/fling who she sexted with from December through April. In May, her friend traveled from Wisconsin with this guy to visit. He tried to sext with her and she said "It's not a good idea because I am seeing someone." She went to hang out with them after work and she never spent a second alone with the guy. They got into a wrestling match and both got hurt, he bit his lip or something and she hit her head really hard. She lost some earrings. She swears that wasn't flirting. She hasn't contacted him since. She also said that the guy she think she got chlamydia from was someone she had sex with months ago and the condom broke - wasn't this guy because she said they didn't have sex.
DrReplyInRhymes Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 So she blew up my phone last night - I didn't respond. Then she showed up at my place. I almost didn't answer the door. She was crying and seemed really regretful. She said she has not slept with him in over a year and that they were just sexting messages. She admitted that she was doing this in April when we were first dating. Then May 23rd, she swore they didn't have sex. He just happened to be in town with one of her really good friends from Wisconsin. She said she was never even alone with him that night and I can even ask her friend. Apparently they wrestled though (which to me sounds so suspicious), and he pushed her into a wall really hard and he fell down and bit his lip or something. I think we actually had sex that night when she came over, but I don't remember seeing any signs that she had been with someone else. She has not contacted him ever since (I didn't see any messages on her phone, either). I asked why she is still his friend and everything and her response was that she was stupid and didn't even think of it. Today she defriended the guy on Facebook. What I originally suspected: She didn't see our relationship as exclusive until this month; she thought it was OK to sext a friend/fling while we were dating and early on in our relationship. She had a fling with him when they were in town and she tried to cover it up because she wanted to be with me. Her story: She saw us exclusive a week or two after I asked her to be my gf. She had a friend/fling who she sexted with from December through April. In May, her friend traveled from Wisconsin with this guy to visit. He tried to sext with her and she said "It's not a good idea because I am seeing someone." She went to hang out with them after work and she never spent a second alone with the guy. They got into a wrestling match and both got hurt, he bit his lip or something and she hit her head really hard. She lost some earrings. She swears that wasn't flirting. She hasn't contacted him since. She also said that the guy she think she got chlamydia from was someone she had sex with months ago and the condom broke - wasn't this guy because she said they didn't have sex. In my opinion: The story is quite convenient, I really must say. But in the end, I see no reason for you to stay. She just admitted to you everything you already knew, Seems like the story has only updated to seem less shrewd. A month into your relationship, when it's supposed to be great, She's visiting old flings she used to **** and wants you to relate? She gave you an STD, and obviously didn't tell you about the friend, to keep from you having a negative reaction as she clearly could comprehend. If you want to try to work this out, and trust her story she told, Then by all means, go ahead, but I think it's rather bold. The question I'd be asking is why she was cryptic before about "hanging with a friend" If she felt confident enough she wasn't doing wrong and could cause the relationship to end. Only you can make that decision, but I personally don't see the trust, You obviously felt betrayed, I'd go with that feeling in your gut, I think she cheated and wanted her new "good" man to be played a fool, So I think you did right in showing she can't have her cake and eat it too. 2
endlessabyss Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 We started dating in April, I asked her to be my gf May 5th, and early this month I got infected with chlamydia. Instantly I was suspicious she cheated on me. There was one time in May, May 23rd, that I thought she might have cheated on me because she said she was 'seeing a friend'. Tonight I went snooping around on her phone and found out that she had slept with this friend a couple of times. I found sexting and dirty pics. May 23rd I found an exchange in which she said "No I shouldn't meet up, I am seeing someone" and then later an exchange in which one apologizes to the other about blood and he found a pair of earrings. She was sleeping when I discovered this, so I decided to leave. I left a note next to her phone saying "In May you cheated on me and then you gave me chlamydia. I trusted you." Did I do the right thing? I feel like I should dump her, but we have what I think, er thought(?), was a nice relationship. I don't know what to do. You're honestly thinking about staying with a slut who's given you an STD and cheated on you within the first month? What's wrong with you?
No Limit Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 Next to her shady story - do you really want to be with someone who is so irresponsible about her health? Yes you were responsible for 50% - your own protection, but she obviously hasn't even been to a doctor in ages to get checked if her story is true. She didn't even know she was infected with something - what if she catches other STDs in the future? Is getting syphilis or HIV or who knows what else is out there a relationship goal on your list?
drallafi Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 Easy answer. If you want to give her a chance to prove her honesty, then tell her you want to call the guy on 3-way while you remain silent. If she declines, be out.
I_Squared_R Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 No you didn't do the right thing. It's fine that you broke up with her but leaving her a note was a rotten thing to do. Also you have no idea how long she has had chlamydia. You don't even know that she knew she had it so you chose write her a note telling her she had an STD. It shows no compassion whatsoever on your part. Leaving a note was rotten? She gave him chlamydia! Point blank! AND cheated on him!! To the OP: you know the answer already. She was caught. I'm sure she has the perfect story thought up for you already. First she denies it then second she has a good explanation for it!
Fleur de cactus Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 I would no stay with her. If you are not afraid of chlamydia at least you should think of HIV.
d0nnivain Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 Leaving a note was rotten? She gave him chlamydia! Point blank! AND cheated on him!! This tit for tat thing bugs me. Just because she may be a bad person doesn't mean he has to stoop toward her level. The classy way to break up with somebody remains in person, on the phone if it's an LDR. My view on that will never change, regardless of the circumstances. Also he didn't know if she knew she had chlamydia. Since it's easy to cure, I'm going to conclude she didn't know or she would have taken steps to cure it. So putting that in the note is also sub-optimal. I like the high road -- it's less crowded. 2
I_Squared_R Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 This tit for tat thing bugs me. Just because she may be a bad person doesn't mean he has to stoop toward her level. The classy way to break up with somebody remains in person, on the phone if it's an LDR. My view on that will never change, regardless of the circumstances. Also he didn't know if she knew she had chlamydia. Since it's easy to cure, I'm going to conclude she didn't know or she would have taken steps to cure it. So putting that in the note is also sub-optimal. I like the high road -- it's less crowded. He discovered this while she was sleeping. Of course he would be angry. I applaud the guy for leaving a note. His note stated the reasons why he left while other men would get violent in that situation. For that reason alone he acted as a gentleman should. It's not tit for tat and stooping to her level.
d0nnivain Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 He discovered this while she was sleeping. Of course he would be angry. I applaud the guy for leaving a note. His note stated the reasons why he left while other men would get violent in that situation. For that reason alone he acted as a gentleman should. It's not tit for tat and stooping to her level. No. He waited until she was asleep and then went snooping looking for evidence of cheating after he was diagnosed with chlamydia. He purposefully waited, failed to talk to her and then left her a note. His decision to leave a note was premeditated. The better option would have been to talk to her. He failed to do that so no, you don't get to claim the high road on his behalf simply because he didn't commit a crime by beating the snot out of her. 2
I_Squared_R Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 No. He waited until she was asleep and then went snooping looking for evidence of cheating after he was diagnosed with chlamydia. He purposefully waited, failed to talk to her and then left her a note. His decision to leave a note was premeditated. The better option would have been to talk to her. He failed to do that so no, you don't get to claim the high road on his behalf simply because he didn't commit a crime by beating the snot out of her. Okay I guess we will agree to disagree. He had a hunch that she was cheating and he validated it by looking at her phone. He was 100% right. I just don't understand the logic of sitting down and having a nice talk "Hey honey I went to the doctor and they diagnosed me with chlamydia. I know that I got it from you. You wouldn't happen to be cheating on me right?"" "No honey! That is so wierd!" "Oh okay I must've got it from a toilet!" -and life goes on without a hitch
bubbaganoosh Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 She gave you a unwanted STD. You listen to her story and think about giving her another chance. OK Now what if it wasn't chlamydia? What if it was HIV? Would it make a difference? Look she gave you a STD and a bull$h!t story on top of that so why don't you use common sense and move on before it gets worse. In other words start thinking with you big head rather than your little one.
lolablue17 Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 Now, let's see... 1. She says that when he was trying to sexting her on May, she said to him: "It's not a good idea because I am seeing someone." But at the same time she thought it's a very good idea to hang out with him, While hiding it from you. hanging out with an old fling is bad just like sexting, even more. 2. She says "They got into a wrestling match and both got hurt, he bit his lip or something and she hit her head really hard. She lost some earrings" I'll tell you what really happened. the were hanging out. Suddenly a giant gorilla came out of the bushes. While he was trying to protect her from the gorilla, Two little flying aliens with green eyes came out of a little spaceship and demanded to hand them her earings or they will kill her... Come on, man... Your Gf got hurt or injured, met you later that night and didn't tell you anything? Really? I bet she got her STD from the gorilla! I don't believe even one word she says. 3
I_Squared_R Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 Now, let's see... 1. She says that when he was trying to sexting her on May, she said to him: "It's not a good idea because I am seeing someone." But at the same time she thought it's a very good idea to hang out with him, While hiding it from you. hanging out with an old fling is bad just like sexting, even more. 2. She says "They got into a wrestling match and both got hurt, he bit his lip or something and she hit her head really hard. She lost some earrings" I'll tell you what really happened. the were hanging out. Suddenly a giant gorilla came out of the bushes. While he was trying to protect her from the gorilla, Two little flying aliens with green eyes came out of a little spaceship and demanded to hand them her earings or they will kill her... Come on, man... Your Gf got hurt or injured, met you later that night and didn't tell you anything? Really? I bet she got her STD from the gorilla! I don't believe even one word she says. I heard that planet of the apes is known for chlamydia. This all makes perfect sense now. 1
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