My Boyfriend and the same time best friend of 11 years left me

[Rockwell]

Hi.

 

I really don't know where to start. I am a person who doesn't talk to anyone regarding how I feel, but I really need to get this out being that I think the people who don't know you are the best person to talk to.

I have a boyfriend and at the same time best friend and we were together for 11 years. I was 14 then. We had a lot of fun together, he was like a family to me and we have so many things that we get along and do stuff together that we really enjoyed. I can say It was an on-off relationship but we always find a way to fix things and get back together. We were actually planning to put up a business and get married

Last week we had an outing, time to relax and unwind after so much work. When we got home he texted me and told me that he was so happy being with me and that he enjoyed everything, He also told me that I am the sweetest and most kind girlfriend he ever had. Then the next day, the day that I wasn’t expecting. He called me and said that we need to talk. Honestly that time I thought he was going to propose and will ask me to be with him for the rest of his life. But I was wrong, he told me that he wants to be with this girl and that he can’t see me in his future and that he loves this girl more than anything. He saw his future with this girl and he never felt such magical thing with anyone in his life, like what he felt when he saw this girl.

I was so devastated and asked him if this is really what he wants. I won’t force myself to someone who does not want to be with me. I know I need to be strong and try to move forward. But it hurts so much that I wake up every day crying and would also sleep crying. I miss this guy and I love him that It hurts so much. It’s killing me.

There’s still a part of me hoping and wishing that he would change his mind and just comeback to me 

[Tater Salad]

I wish I could take your pain away and flush it down the toilet, but I can't. I truly feel for you. 11 years is a long time at your age, that is most of your life. For your own sanity, you must move on. If he is in love with another woman, that means it has been happening for a while. I wish I could hug you, and punch him in the throat for you. Just hang in there, and know that this pain you are feeling is at the worst it will ever be, and it will only get better every day. It doesn't feel that way now, I know. Also, this pain you are feeling is what is going to help you heal, as weird as that sounds. I have been crushed 4 times in my life by exes, and I always look back at the sad times right after a break up, with fondness. It almost reassures you that you are a loving person, and you are capable of loving again. Feel the pain and endure it. You WILL be ok. I promise you, the right man is out there just waiting for you. But you won't find him until you process and hurdle all of this pain.

 

You are stronger and more beautiful than you realize. His loss...

[frigginlost]

Hi.

 

I really don't know where to start. I am a person who doesn't talk to anyone regarding how I feel, but I really need to get this out being that I think the people who don't know you are the best person to talk to.

I have a boyfriend and at the same time best friend and we were together for 11 years. I was 14 then. We had a lot of fun together, he was like a family to me and we have so many things that we get along and do stuff together that we really enjoyed. I can say It was an on-off relationship but we always find a way to fix things and get back together. We were actually planning to put up a business and get married

Last week we had an outing, time to relax and unwind after so much work. When we got home he texted me and told me that he was so happy being with me and that he enjoyed everything, He also told me that I am the sweetest and most kind girlfriend he ever had. Then the next day, the day that I wasn’t expecting. He called me and said that we need to talk. Honestly that time I thought he was going to propose and will ask me to be with him for the rest of his life. But I was wrong, he told me that he wants to be with this girl and that he can’t see me in his future and that he loves this girl more than anything. He saw his future with this girl and he never felt such magical thing with anyone in his life, like what he felt when he saw this girl.

I was so devastated and asked him if this is really what he wants. I won’t force myself to someone who does not want to be with me. I know I need to be strong and try to move forward. But it hurts so much that I wake up every day crying and would also sleep crying. I miss this guy and I love him that It hurts so much. It’s killing me.

There’s still a part of me hoping and wishing that he would change his mind and just comeback to me 

 

Firstly, I'm truly sorry about what you're going through. We have all been through it, and some like yourself still are. Come to these boards as often as need be to release feelings and to read the stories of others. It will help a ton. Most importantly, allow yourself to feel however you need (hurt, anger, etc) it's all normal and is healthy.

 

Second, you need to completely and totally go NC with your ex. I'm usually a fan of low contact, but considering the absolutely horrible, selfish, and self-serving things he said to you, he deserves not an ounce of respect from you. More than likely you are going to hear from him again, but you need to be strong.

[La.Primavera]

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I am appalled by his behaviour towards you. To end your relationship so unexpectedly, bluntly and say such hurtful things to "sweetest and most kind girlfriend he ever had" is just cruel. I don't understand it so I can only imagined how confused and hurt you must feel.

 

It has been over a decade. That is a long time to have someone in your life. Not only are you grieving the loss of your relationship but your friendship as well. You are right that you do need to be strong and move on but that is going to take time. There will be plenty of crying and weak days but it does get better with time. The most important thing is that you surround yourself with positive things that uplift you and bring you happiness.

 

I would also caution you about communicating with your ex in the future. There is something that doesn't add up about this whole situation and his behaviour. For that reason I think you should protect yourself from anymore hurt.

 

Take care of yourself.

[Happines]

That's extremely horrible of the way he acted towards you so I agree with the above person saying go completely NC and yes it will b so horrible for a little while but it will get better so b strong and you will see sooner or later u will b happy and u will meet someone special someone who won't lie to u and will love u from all his heart

[Grumpybutfun]

His behavior was unnecessarily cruel. To cheat on you then just leave you after making you believe you have a future together makes me think he is a tool. You deserve better and I hope you won't waste one more moment with this cheater. Remember that people treat you the way you accept, so do not allow him one more chance to treat you poorly. Time to grieve, accept and move on from a man who is immature, a cheater and cruel. You will find love, just be open to letting this man go.

Good luck,

Grumps

[SycamoreCircle]

This is the kind of material LoveShack is built upon.

 

Sorry for the commentary... I feel like this sort of stuff always happens to people around the age of 25 and indeed, GIGS has been called the quarter-life crisis.

 

Actually, I'm not a big advocate of GIGS---I think it gives people false hope. Let's forget I ever mentioned it...

 

Here's what you need to know: the person you know is gone. What is left is a very selfish, immature young person in the grip of change. Were you to watch this person's life over the next number of years with omniscience, you would see all sorts of changes taking place. It's awful, it's painful, it's remorseless and it's unfair to you. All that aside, it's completely natural.

 

Ten years from now, he will look back on what he had with you and say, "Man, X was so good to me and I totally treated her like sh;t." He may or may not contact. I'm guessing he will. The kicker, though, is that you will have moved on and his apology will only mean so much. You will remember each other fondly. And maybe from time to time send a nice note to each other.

 

I'm sorry that you're hurting. It's part of life. Attributable to your age and timing and circumstance. Go NC, find a way to let go and move on. This isn't your fault and has nothing to do with you.

 

Hang in there...