Kate___18 Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 So my boyfriend and I got into a small fight over something very pointless. During the fight I got up and left the house. He is more upset about me walking out than he is about us actually fighting. He won't even talk to me right now and I've apologized several times to him. I feel bad for walking out, I figured it was easier to leave than it was to get emotional. I just don't think he has a reason to be mad at me about leaving.
Naturebox Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 So my boyfriend and I got into a small fight over something very pointless. During the fight I got up and left the house. He is more upset about me walking out than he is about us actually fighting. He won't even talk to me right now and I've apologized several times to him. I feel bad for walking out, I figured it was easier to leave than it was to get emotional. I just don't think he has a reason to be mad at me about leaving. He's mad because you showed more emotional maturity by ejecting yourself from a situation that was going nowhere. So no, he doesn't really have a right to be mad, nor do you have a reason to apologize. 2
casey.lives Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 I don't like people walking out on me when im trying to express myself about something thing I consider serious. Yes I might get heated but that's because either way it's hard to do.. tell someone something distressing. Being quiet and calm and pulling through the storm together is the best you could have done. walking out is a epic fail. My problem is your problem lets get over it ASAP!! 3
Revan32 Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 He's mad because you showed more emotional maturity by ejecting yourself from a situation that was going nowhere. So no, he doesn't really have a right to be mad, nor do you have a reason to apologize. You know almost zero about what the situation is and whether it was an actually valid problem he had with her actions, and yet you seriously feel the need to fully side with her while pushing her on to continue the disagreement? Good job! 2
TaraMaiden2 Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 He's mad because you showed more emotional maturity by ejecting yourself from a situation that was going nowhere. So no, he doesn't really have a right to be mad, nor do you have a reason to apologize. Totally disagree. It's a passive-aggressive move and designed to have 'the last word' while depriving the other person of the opportunity to continue discussing the matter. The more sensible and mature thing to have done would have been to have said: "This discussion is upsetting me, and I am worried I will lash out and say something I regret. Please can we just take 5 and cool off, and then discuss it in about a half hour? Without yelling at one another? I'm going to make us a cup of tea...." And then go and do precisely that. 13
neowulf Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 Eh, holding grudges is a pointless waste of energy. Being pissy at you for walking away isn't going to solve the situation or more forward. Was walking out the best move? No, probably not. But it beats yelling and screaming at each other. In a perfect world, people would call a time out and give each other some space to cool off. That said, people often get caught up in the heat of the moment. At that point, sometimes just walking away is all you can do to avoid killing one another. In my opinion, it doesn't matter who's right or wrong in this situation. What matters is how you're going to go about resolving him. Him sulking about it isn't helping matters, especially if you've already apologised. 3
beach Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 I suggest learning how to disagree without a fight. Simply talk about what you feel. Talk it through until you both have an understanding about where you stand based on your feelings. Walking away is emotionally void of expressing feelings. He's right to expect more from a partner. What was the argument about? How did you participate? Please be specific in owning how you added to the circumstance. 1
kendahke Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 (edited) So my boyfriend and I got into a small fight over something very pointless. During the fight I got up and left the house. He is more upset about me walking out than he is about us actually fighting. He won't even talk to me right now and I've apologized several times to him. I feel bad for walking out, I figured it was easier to leave than it was to get emotional. I just don't think he has a reason to be mad at me about leaving. Does he argue to just to hear himself think out loud or get his own way? If it was a pointless matter, then leaving is probably best before it escalates by the more immature one to them saying something they're going to later regret. There is no point in a protracted argument over nothing. You two should be able to discuss matters without it becoming an argument. When it gets to the level of fighting, you're no longer communicating--it's become a control issue. Edited June 26, 2015 by kendahke
Vercetti Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 Both at fault for falling into primal fight / flight / freeze response for something that should be simple as a conversation. Both should apologize for acting like monkeys. Just zero it out, or get in a fight about how react to fighting.
amaysngrace Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 The silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse. He's angry with you for being in control. He wants that position, hence the silent treatment. He won't accept your apology. That doesn't exactly make him the forgiving type either. Ignore him back.
Redhead14 Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 So my boyfriend and I got into a small fight over something very pointless. During the fight I got up and left the house. He is more upset about me walking out than he is about us actually fighting. He won't even talk to me right now and I've apologized several times to him. I feel bad for walking out, I figured it was easier to leave than it was to get emotional. I just don't think he has a reason to be mad at me about leaving. The better way of handling this would have been for you to say "this is getting out of hand and I am getting emotional. Can we put a moratorium on this discussion and come back to it when we have cooled down and reflected on the issue, say in an hour or tomorrow? Diffusing it is a more mature way to handle it. What you need to do now is stop apologizing. Give it a little space and then say something like "we didn't resolve the issue we argued about the other day. Can we talk about it now that we have calmed down"?
d0nnivain Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 Emotions can't be deemed right or wrong. Everyone can feel the way they feel. It's not good or bad. If you left without telling him you were leaving & caught him by surprise I can see where he woudl be upset. If you announced that you were taking yourself out of the situation before it escalated his response is more unreasonable.
Keenly Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 You showed him that you would rather walk out than communicate. He probably thinks to himself "wow, is she going to do that every time we have a disagreement? " 2
Popsicle Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 I absolutely hate arguing/fighting and I am high risk to leave too. To me, it really depends on exactly why he was upset that you left. I also think that if you're at high risk to get up and leave, then you should accept this about yourself and learn to tell the person (request) that you think you both need some time reset.
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 For me; it's either leave or lash out. Whenever I lashed out, it caused irreparable damage to a relationship. Out of the two walking away is a better option. I know it's preferable to be cool and rational and communicate but in the heat of the moment, some of us can't do that. 1
neowulf Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 I'd like to point out that people are wired for conflict differently. Often in an argument, if it becomes heated, I need time to cool off and process what's been said. If people push me to continue talking at that point, it only serves to increase my levels of aggression. If you're angry enough, it messes with your ability to think clearly, hence sometimes simply walking away is the best option. Nothing passive aggressive about it. Simply different wiring. 1
Toodaloo Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 I'd like to point out that people are wired for conflict differently. Often in an argument, if it becomes heated, I need time to cool off and process what's been said. If people push me to continue talking at that point, it only serves to increase my levels of aggression. If you're angry enough, it messes with your ability to think clearly, hence sometimes simply walking away is the best option. Nothing passive aggressive about it. Simply different wiring. What is the point in carry on until you reach a point where you both end up saying vile things to each other? If its getting overly heated I also walk away and go back to it later. Its about recognising when emotions are running high and the conversation is going to blow up out of all proportion unless someone takes action. I see no harm in walking away to calm down. 1
BlueIris Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 Sure. He “has a right” to get angry about anything that upsets him, just like you do. Walking out is rejection/dismissive. But walking out after saying, “I have to leave for a bit to cool down so let’s talk about it later,” is not rejection. You also said in your original post that the argument was about something “pointless” which is your opinion that something that mattered to him wasn’t important- also rejection and dismissive. Either you respect what he cares about or you don’t.
Gary S Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 Good job OP on not arguing. Nobody can make you argue. He'll get over it, give him time....he's just in his cave. 1
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