I never thought no contact would work, but it did.

[Fightthegoodfight]

Hi everyone,

 

I had been a lurker of LS for a couple of months when my boyfriend of three years broke up with me with what seemed to me to be completely out of the blue back in November. I turned to LS desperately for reconciliation stories and successful no contact tales. LS was an amazing resource when I was hurting. I immediately turned to no contact (meaning no phone calls, no texts, didn’t see him in person, etc.) other than around four texts (three that were logistical to retrieve my things and another stating that I was ready to talk whenever he was). I promised myself that if I ever got past the hurt, I would come back to LS to type out my story so that others could find some remnants of light out of the darkness. So, the gist of this post is going to be a couple details on the nitty gritty of our relationship and the breakup, but what I want to focus on the most is the so what? aspect of the whole situation.

 

He broke up with me over the phone in a very hastened manner. He never truly explained why- just that he couldn’t handle a relationship at that moment in time and he had a lot going on. For a little bit on the phone, I had begged him not to but eventually I realized that his mind was made. I also figured that if this was his way to be happier- if I truly cared for him, I would let him do what was for him.

 

In terms of our relationship dynamic, it’s hard for me to look back on it and say much because it’s been so long that I’ve kind of forgotten it. Don’t get me wrong- I truly think I was really happy during the relationship. We rarely fought and were very compatible. But again, since it’s been so long, it’s hard to say now, especially since I never got a clear, concrete reason- I kind of don’t know where we went wrong.

 

That aside, it’s easy to look back now and feel okay, but for a good month or two I was completely lost. I used to feel completely empty inside. Focusing on school, getting up in the morning, even eating, was very difficult for me. For a solid amount of time, I had hope that he would come around, but he never did.

 

I don’t think healing happened overnight. I didn’t wake up one morning and suddenly everything felt ok again. It was a very gradual and timely process.

 

Anywho, one day, out of the blue, my ex messaged me on Facebook. I didn’t respond because at that point I just didn’t see the point of it. Later on, he continued to contact me through other means i.e. texting, my friends, mail, phone etc. We talked and it was okay and it seems like he wanted to reconcile but at this point, I had a good amount of time to reflect on the relationship to realize that I’m okay where I’m at and I’ve hurt too much to take another swing at things. No contact worked and I honestly never thought it would- I’m a strong believer in out of sight, out of mind. I think ‘distance makes the heart grow fonder’ is a load of crap. What they say about no contact is true in that it gives you time to grow on your own.

 

If you’re reading this right now, first off, thank you for taking the time to read to my unnecessarily long story. If you’re hurt for whatever reason, just know that you are an amazing person. How do I know that when I don’t even know you? Because anyone that is hurting is that much stronger. I’m so so so sorry that someone hurt you like they did. They’re missing out- seriously. God, I sound so cliche, I’m sorry. I promise it will get better. Fight the urge to text them- you’ll be okay soon. Go out. Have fun. Live life- it’s too short to wait around for someone that can’t see what a gem you are. Talk to friends. Talk to strangers. Take chances and never look back. You’re an absolute catch.

 

I hope this somewhat helps. Sorry that it’s so long and jumbled- I’m a terrible writer. Feel free to reach out to me if you want to ever talk or for anything.

 

Thanks guys!

[HowMightI-live]

This was a breath of fresh air to read and it's great to hear you made it out a stronger person. I applaud you for sharing your story and words of encouragement. I think its easy to feel heartbroken and feel like that heartbreak will never go away. The days can seem so slow and long when consumed with feelings of lost. It can feel like forever, like it'll never go away. I think you reminded a lot of people that it will and it does (including myself) so thank you.

[ravfour4]

I think a better saying is - distance brings clarity to the situation.

 

With distance, many people realize how they were looking at their ex through rose colored glasses, they realize the relationship wasn't all that great and that moving on is the right option. Other times it helps people to see how much they truly care about the other person. Other times it helps someone realize that although they may still care, it's over and the absolute only option is to move on. Distance brings clarity.

[unevensteven]

Thank you so much for that post, I went out with a girl for 8 months and it was amazing, but she wanted to just move on. I came to this website and have posted but got no replies, I did what all the posts said, no contact, remove anything that reminds you of her, go out with friends, go to the gym. It has been a week now since no contact and I know I am doing so much better now and I will be able to find someone even better. Thank you for what you said at the end, it's really made me feel better, you're an amazing person. I will bookmark this and will look back at it when I have a hard time

[Naturebox]

No Contact is absolutely the most powerful tool to use in a break up, for either person and for whatever goals.

 

It makes you strong enough to look back on the relationship and see what you learned and only focus on the good parts. From there you can decide with a clear mind if you want to get back together, move on, or don't care which way. You won't show any desperation and you'll likely meet new people while doing it.

 

Absolutely the best.

[pa888]

I think ‘distance makes the heart grow fonder’ is a load of crap.

 

Well technically it was true, as the distance led your ex to come back. The out of sight out of mind applied to you, probably because you had no other option than to move on.

 

But beside that great post! I'm glad it worked out so well for you in the end

[Calidude6]

Great post! Thanks for sharing.

 

It's been 4 months since my ex broke up with me and I took a slightly different approach. I contacted her probably once every 3-4 weeks the first 3 months. Told her I missed her, told her how I felt and what I realized and what changed me for the better then a closure letter. Since then, I've completely done NC until last week she text happy birthday and I said thank you but other than that, I stopped talking to her.

 

I took that type of approach because I want to look back and say I tried to save a great relationship while she might regret it by not trying. It gives me some sort of relief that I tried and was able to go on NC. We might reconnect, we might not but that's okay. Now don't get me wrong, I'm still heartbroken and feel lonely at times but the process of healing has been getting better. I've always questioned NC but when everyone tells me to do it, I do it and it seems to work very well in the long run.

 

You're right that we are all amazing and we deserve our happiness. We will all find our happiness with someone when least expected. I'm glad you're doing great!! I'll get there soon as well.

[casey.lives]

exes are exes for a reason. the end

[Thistooshallpass21]

Thank you so much for this, it is inspiring. I am 5 weeks out of a a little over a year relationship. I am now one week no contact we contacted a few times with a couple of times her iniating contact and a couple me as we were trying to hangout one time.

The last time we talked she decided it wasn't a good idea anymore because she didn't trust herself as she thought feelings would come back up, but she dumped me. This was a mutual agreement from the beginning to try hanging out. However, I have not spoken to her since.

I do have a desire to work on things with her as we had a wonderful relationship and were compatible, but at the same time I'm trying to move on for my own happiness. This post has helped motivate keeping the no contact so thank you.

You are right we are all wonderful people to care so much for these people and will find our silver lining.

Thank you, you have a beautiful soul to bring hope for better days to all of us.

[guest569]

I think i know deep down that this applies to me too. I still have the rose colored glasses on after 1.5 yrs, although I have moments where I can "see" (recall) his true colours and realise it wasn't meant to be.

[Bradt]

Thank you so much.This made me feel happy and sad at the same time.She left me,so I have no guilty feelings.I'm just sad about it.Happy because like you said,she is the one that is loosing out on what could of been an amazing relationship.N/C is a powerful thing.I wanted to email her on her birthday but decided not to.Incase she replied with a snotty email.It would have put me back at the start.

[Ariess10]

This was a great post , thing about breakups as we all know they suck, they suck really bad and there really isn't anything you can do but give yourself time and go nc to lick your wounds .. Just remember , in the end you'll be ok you'll have scars no doubt but in the end you'll live.. To everyone that is going through this keep your head up ..

[Chi townD]

Great post! Very inspiring and shows the true nature of what NC should be about. A great example that NC is for us. Not for our Ex's, not as a way to punish, and not a way to try to bring our Ex's back to us.

 

 

It is a tool to help us heal and move on. Fantastic thread.

[Happines]

I left my boyfriend of two years 2 weeks ago because he treated me quiet badly and I found out he as well kissed some girl whilst drunk in the club and was just constantly chatting with girls on the phone and constantly telling me lies and never putting any sort of effort to try and work on us...I really really loved him but I got so tired and started to feel like he is using me...after I left the first few days he was telling me how much he loves me and will do all it takes to make us work but continued chatting with loads of girls and putting 0 effort so I simply told him that since his words and actions are honestly going separate directions we should not talk anymore...

 

It's been two weeks since we spoke...I do miss him loads but I know that there is no future plus I think he is already seeing someone so I guess all I love u I will do all it takes was a lie

 

So me moving out and plus stopping contacts with him showed me his true colours and really showed me how much I meant to him

 

I am hurt but happy as well because now I can move on knowing I did my best but he simply was not worth it