Gaeta Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 I wouldn't consider 4 sexual partners being 'inexperienced'. Your girlfriend has sex hang ups. Those are not going to change. It is ingrained in her that certain sexual act are gross. It has nothing to do with experience or not. My female friend thinks oral sex on a man is gross, she thought it was gross at 19 and she still thinks it's gross at 49. Your girlfriend does not enjoy sex, period. It has nothing to do with experience or not. She can force herself to please you but is it really what you want? 2
d0nnivain Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 I asked is because of an option to move in together from September which would save us both a lot of money and generally make us happier apart from the sex situation which does bother me a lot. Do not move in with her. Moving in to save money is a terrible idea. Move in because living together is the ultimate in the relationship or you are looking toward getting married. Just for financial reasons get a platonic roommate. I'm going to go against the grain here a bit. I think the girl is fine, and that she is just a little young, and still not quite comfortable with you sexually. Some younger girls are just like that. The fact that she opens up when she is drinking is a good clue about who she really wants to be in the bed room. Booze isn't some insta-porn star concoction, it just lowers inhibitions. Deep down, that's how she really is sexually, but she is probably still too nervous and uncomfortable to act on those urges when she is sober. My advice is to be patient with her. If she is a great girl in every other way, work with her on this. Don't nag the crap out of her about it like some people might, because that will just make it worse. Leaving her over your sex life definitely isn't going to make her open up any more either. One last thing. If she thinks you going down on her is gross, do it one night when she has been drinking and is more open. If you are any good at it at all, she will be too busy enjoying it to think about how gross it is. Peraph and enigma have some good tips there if you think it is salvageable. 19 is very young, couldn't expect much from that age, it sounds like she is very inexperienced and shy and doesn't quite know what to do or feel comfortable. I agree With others that it could be an incompatibility though and it needs to be sorted one way or another before considering moving in. Listen to enigma. This was my thought exactly. If you want her to become a better lover, be a better lover to her. Romance her. Women make love with our brains. Do the whole candle light dinner. Have a bubble bath with her. Buy her pretty lingerie (not the slutty kind). Give her a sensual massage. Kiss her. Tell her she is beautiful. Touch her sensually so she gets used to touch without it always leading to sex. Most importantly talk to her. Ask what she likes. Take a shower with her before oral so she knows she's clean if that is her hang up. Be patient. I wouldn't consider 4 sexual partners being 'inexperienced'. Your girlfriend has sex hang ups. Those are not going to change. It is ingrained in her that certain sexual act are gross. It has nothing to do with experience or not. My female friend thinks oral sex on a man is gross, she thought it was gross at 19 and she still thinks it's gross at 49. Your girlfriend does not enjoy sex, period. It has nothing to do with experience or not. She can force herself to please you but is it really what you want? I disagree with Gaeta because we don't know anything about your GF's back ground or the quality of her previous lovers. Just because she let some guy do her in the back of a car for instance does not mean she has a clue about what making love is. Anybody can have sex but it takes way more than the physical to make somebody who is shy or brought up in a conservative environment to relax. When you sort of give up in the middle, get off her & just go to sleep you are confusing her & making her feel worse. She needs cuddling & sweet talk to make her more comfortable not you just hoping off her like she's some amusement park ride. I do not know that you are that callous but that is how your post read to me. Go back & read my suggestions in the middle -- patience & sensuality are your best bets 1
Gaeta Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 C'mon guys. She stops sex in the middle of it, turn around and goes to sleep. That's not inexperience, that's disliking sex to the point of rejecting it in the middle of it. OP: Dating is meant to get to know someone for compatibility. You are not, it's well established 6 months in. I don't think at your age you take on fixing this girl sex hang ups. When a woman doesn't want sex it's a couple of things: 1. You don't turn her on 2. She sees you as friend more than a lover 3. She is thinking of someone else 4. She's on the pill or has a hormonal imbalance. 5. She's asexual
d0nnivain Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 . For when I have sex with her sometimes I have to stop and go sleep because she just seems like she doesn't enjoy it at all. C'mon guys. She stops sex in the middle of it, turn around and goes to sleep. That's not inexperience, that's disliking sex to the point of rejecting it in the middle of it. Gaeta -- He stops in the middle not her. Which is why I said to me that sounds like he's making it worse. She may be lying there "thinking of England" but for him to just roll over & go to sleep rather than trying to help her enjoy it more seems callous to me.
Gaeta Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 Gaeta -- He stops in the middle not her. Which is why I said to me that sounds like he's making it worse. She may be lying there "thinking of England" but for him to just roll over & go to sleep rather than trying to help her enjoy it more seems callous to me. Oopps eh !! Well can we really blame him if she looks THAT uninterested. OP is 23 yo, she really has to act like a dead fish for him, at his age, to quit sex in the middle of it. I don't see where you guys interpret this as inexperienced. When you're turned on it doesn't matter if you have experience or not you act interested. You may not know what to do, you may be clumsy but you're interested.
d0nnivain Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 With 4 prior lovers she is not inexperienced. I simply questioned whether she had any prior good experiences. 1
elaine567 Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 With 4 prior lovers she is not inexperienced. I simply questioned whether she had any prior good experiences. Exactly. Some men are pretty straight down the line, all she maybe needed to do before was keep still... She perhaps wasn't the only inexperienced partner in those pairings either. She is not some jaded, 29, 39, 49... yo who hates men and/or sex, and I agree that would be an uphill struggle and few would advise the OP to carry on. BUT She is only 19, she loves sex when drunk, so she is not a hopeless case. She just needs to be able to trust the OP and get her confidence up high enough to be a bit more responsive when she is sober. It is up to the OP, if he wants her, to teach her here, and I guess up the romance too, as he is the one with the experience. There is always the option of a big slug of brandy in her hot chocolate... 1
Gary S Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 A lot of married guys don't even have sex anymore because their wives don't want them to touch them. Be thankful for what you have and don't take her for granted.
Gaeta Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 A lot of married guys don't even have sex anymore because their wives don't want them to touch them. Be thankful for what you have and don't take her for granted. What?? C'mon Gary. OP is 23 years old, not married, he doesn't have to put up with a frigid woman. Are you telling him to suck it up because maybe your ex didn't give you any?
Gary S Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 What?? C'mon Gary. OP is 23 years old, not married, he doesn't have to put up with a frigid woman. Are you telling him to suck it up because maybe your ex didn't give you any? Lol, I would never be in a sexless relationship. I was just stating a fact, trying to put things into perspective. I'm just trying to make the point that not everyone is a pornstar, and that there is more to life - like love, peace and happiness. 2
preraph Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 At 19, sex was still verboten and dirty to me too. At that age, any sex-shaming your parents did is still ringing in your ears. It's her age. Don't pressure her. She's still very young. 3
phineas Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 A lot of married guys don't even have sex anymore because their wives don't want them to touch them. Be thankful for what you have and don't take her for granted. I'm thankful for divorce, online dating & the steady stream of divorced women whose husbands couldn't get it up for them for one reason or another.
SpiralOut Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 If she doesn't like oral, don't push it on her. Focus on doing stuff that she does like, or at least doesn't mind. OP does she seem upset with her own lack of sex drive? Is she concerned about how it affects her relationship with you?
Ninjainpajamas Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 like love, peace and happiness. F@ck that..there's also death, child-support and sleepless horny nights.
TaraMaiden2 Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 If she doesn't like oral, don't push it on her. Okay.... that could do with re-phrasing.... Focus on doing stuff that she does like, or at least doesn't mind. He did that. and had to stop because apparently she has all the willingness and enthusiasm of a plank with a knot-hole in it..... OP does she seem upset with her own lack of sex drive? Is she concerned about how it affects her relationship with you? That would be interesting to know, although I suspect she becomes defensive and insists or opines that he's the one with the problem, not her, good god, he's obsessed....
just_some_guy Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 I'm facing the same sort of thing, similar level of repressed sexuality with my girlfriend. She has the same sort of response to alcohol. She does orgasm and seems to enjoy sex while in the act. However, she claims to only want it every couple of months and denies ever having had a sexual fantasy. I feel like I'm being challenged with the "will you love me if I don't have sex with you" thing. It didn't start out that way, but she claims now it was a matter of accommodating my wants. It only gets worse with time. Bail out early. Don't fool yourself.
TaraMaiden2 Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 Bail out early. Don't fool yourself. I trust you will also follow suit?
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