Inspira Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 (edited) My ex gf broke up with me almost 2 months ago. It was going great. I wasn't acting needy/clingy. She initiated almost all the contact. Then she got a new house and she got really occupied. Also it's summer and she's very social. We were supposed to hang out but we both didn't have time and we grew a little distant. I let her figure it out and take care of her RL and gave her some space. She was calling me telling me she loves me while her parents were around the new house helping her. She was calling me just to tell me to say it back etc. It was great. Then when I gave her space I started being weak. I thought, no matter how busy someone is they can make time for me. She didn't and I acted needy, even though she did make time. So I lashed out. Told her I'm doing my own things since she's not interested. I even went and contacted my ex about business and her bf was on the phone convo too. After two weeks, I called her and she said, it's over. She told me she fell out of love and attraction went down. That she was dumb in the brain and wasn't thinking straight. I knew this was all bull. Right before she hung up she said, "Say Hi to XYZex for me." She warned me during our relationship how she disliked me talking to her and it bothered her. Fast forward 6 weeks during which, We had some LC and last week she told me while we argued (because her reason for her leaving changes every week and she held a grudge and was too pissed off to hang out when she tried to weeks before) that she remained single and is still single (she told me this because I figured that's the reason why she left me, for another guy, only logical explanation for me.) As a matter of fact she stopped using all her social media and all I know is she's working a lot of hours. She told me not to email her ever again and that she doesn't check or read my "stupid" emails. She also said she'll block my email, she's said this in the past when we had fights, but she never does end up doing it. She said she doesn't love me and she will never be with me again (she said this before too when we got into a huge fight and I know she's just saying it because that's just emotional defensive mechanism talking.) Funny thing is, she checks them in her bed when she wakes up and as she is laying there before she passes out daily. I know this because she used to do this in the past when we had ups and downs. I also know this because my email shows when and who reads them, business class account. Girls, when emotional and mad say, "I'll never do XYZ with you again!" But they don't mean it. They say that and get over it and do what they say they won't, aka date/love/etc. I don't know what to do tbh. I know she loves me and I know she still thinks of me. What I don't know is if she's waiting for me to make a move or what not. I don't know if I am suppose to be persistent with her or give her space still. Edited June 25, 2015 by Inspira
petsrule Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 It sounds like it's best if you give her space and let her make the move when she's ready.
d0nnivain Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 When I say things, I mean them so I can't speak to your theory that your EX-GF doesn't mean what she says. You said she always initiated & that you gave her space while she was moving into her new house. To me, from her perspective, that may have looked like indifference on your part. I would have expected my BF to call me at least as much as I called him & to be excited about my move. Did you so much as get her a housewarming gift? I also don't understand how you "know" she still loves you. Even though her reasons change she has apparently given you several reasons why she doesn't want to date you. That doesn't sound like love to me. The combo of her changing stories / reasons & your belief that she doesn't mean what she says make her a poor candidate for an LTR imo. Why do you want her back exactly? It didn't sound like you were all that into her when she was your GF
Author Inspira Posted June 25, 2015 Author Posted June 25, 2015 (edited) When I say things, I mean them so I can't speak to your theory that your EX-GF doesn't mean what she says. You said she always initiated & that you gave her space while she was moving into her new house. To me, from her perspective, that may have looked like indifference on your part. I would have expected my BF to call me at least as much as I called him & to be excited about my move. Did you so much as get her a housewarming gift? I also don't understand how you "know" she still loves you. Even though her reasons change she has apparently given you several reasons why she doesn't want to date you. That doesn't sound like love to me. The combo of her changing stories / reasons & your belief that she doesn't mean what she says make her a poor candidate for an LTR imo. Why do you want her back exactly? It didn't sound like you were all that into her when she was your GF I know when someone says things they mean them. That's not the case with her. I've known her for a long time now and every time she says don't write me and that she'll block my email she doesn't. She checks my emails 3 times a day. She says one thing but mean another. As if she wants to know I care or not. She told me in the past she likes it when a man fights for her and not just give up. I don't always know I see this behavior from SO MANY people including myself sometimes. There are so many articles about this as well. Edited June 25, 2015 by Inspira
d0nnivain Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 If you think she wants you to "fight for her" and you are willing to do so (all evidence to the contrary) what is the problem?
Author Inspira Posted June 25, 2015 Author Posted June 25, 2015 (edited) If you think she wants you to "fight for her" and you are willing to do so (all evidence to the contrary) what is the problem? Problem is that I let her know I am sorry for breaking her trust and that I am interested in her and care and love her... In my insecurity and frustration, letting emotion get ahold of me, I said some really awful things to her and I don't think there's much more I can do other than to let her know just that. After I've established that should I shut up and leave her be or persist? Edited June 25, 2015 by Inspira
mightycpa Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 Putting aside the question of why you'd want to be with a girl who doesn't mean what she says, and presumably doesn't say what she means, then it seems to me that you need to go apologize for the awful **** you said and fall on your sword and explain how you are emotionally infantile and you are working on that, and you want her to call you on it when you do it, and you will consider and change for the better whenever she does call you on it. THEN explain that it was your infantile emotional reactionary mind that caused you to call your ex, not any form of desire for the ex. It's not about breaking trust, because all you did was talk. It's about you trying to punish your ex using your other ex as the tool. You need to bring her that housewarming present, and you need to tell her how excited and happy you are for her and how you realize that you should actually feel good when good things happen to her, despite how you actually acted. You should offer to help her do some stuff around the house that helps make the place hers, which is probably what you should have been doing in the first place, instead of giving her space. Because that's what you do when you actually love somebody. Then finally, you need to tell her that all you ever really wanted was to be with her, even though you acted like you didn't (repeat the emotionally infantile part here) and that all you can promise is that you'll love her, you'll try to grow up, and you'd like her help with that. Then, ask if you can please be together again because that's where you belong. That's what you do, not that half-ass whatever you said up there. You say it like you mean it, which I'm not sure you do. Hopefully, she'll be satisfied that you're sincere, and your demeanor and delivery won't come across like you got relationship advice on the internet. If she says NO, do not get all pissed off, or all weepy, and do not beg and plead and do all that weak stuff. Tell her that you know it is a lot to think about, and that you'll wait a few days while she thinks about it a little more, and that you will check back. Then, after a few days, visit her and ask if she has reconsidered. Whatever the answer, that's probably your real answer, and if it is NO, then stop calling, emailing, texting, whatever you do and say GOODBYE. Mean what you say too. But, if she says YES, then how exactly will you know that she means it?
GoBlue Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 Girls, when emotional and mad say, "I'll never do XYZ with you again!" But they don't mean it. They say that and get over it and do what they say they won't, aka date/love/etc. The above idea is very dangerous when interacting with a woman or anyone else whether a romantic relationship or not. You can never assume that she "doesn't mean what she says" and that "she still loves you." These are the things that lead to restraining orders and the like. It's always best to take her at her word and treat her accordingly. If she initiates contact then you can respond if you want to, but you truly do not know for sure that "she still loves you." I don't know what the best course of action is but being in a relationship with someone who says hateful and mean things when they get "emotional" would be a Red Flag to me. I hope it works out. Blessings.
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