BriNyc82 Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 Hi guys. Looking for some encouraging words. It's been about a month since the guy I had been seeing for a few months called it quits. During the time that we were seeing each other it was always respectful, easy, we were supportive and it was overall healthy. We were out one night and had a lot to drink when he told me that because of his past relationships he unfortunately associates relationships now with pain and hurt. He knows it's not right but it's just how it is. His past gf was controlling and it ended badly. He ended this right at the height, just as things were getting close. Sucker punch to the gut. I also think he has some attachment avoidance issues. He told me that he didn't want to lose me and that he doesn't want his baggage to affect what we have. He also didn't want me to feel insecure about what we had. He was going to try to make this work. Then he completely shut down and ended it and needed to fix himself. He knows he can't drag me through the mud but I also can't understand why he can't fight for me and isn't scared to lose me. I know I'm pretty much the only one he's talked to about his commitment phobe issues. These issues stemmed prior to him even knowing me. I am trying to look at this from all angles but I miss him so much and can't help but wonder how he can be relieved that this is over (his words) when I'm so miserable. He is on lexapro for anxiety and is a big conflict avoider I know deep down he is a good guy and I know he can't make me happy if hes not happy. How do I move on when my heart still misses him?
La.Primavera Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 I see a pattern here. He told me that he didn't want to lose me and that he doesn't want his baggage to affect what we have. Yet that is exactly what he did. He also didn't want me to feel insecure about what we had. It sounds like he failed at that as well. He was going to try to make this work. Yet again he let you down. How do I move on when my heart still misses him? Keep reminding yourself of the above. All the promises he made and couldn't keep and the ways he let you down will at some point be fuel to help you to move on. Talk is cheep but actions speak louder than words. Right now the wounds are still fresh and you miss the closeness and the affection but in time it will fade. The best thing you can do for yourself is to surround yourself with things that make you happy and help keep your focus away from him. Just like he needs to be his priority right now, the same applies to you. Make goals and try something new. Anything to keep yourself occupied and engaged with your life and open to new possibilities. Just remember that there is another more reliable guy out there for you. One that will cherish you more than your ex ever could. All the best. 2
Author BriNyc82 Posted June 26, 2015 Author Posted June 26, 2015 Thank you for that. I got a promotion at work so I'm focusing on that and going away for July 4. I'm trying to stay busy but no matter how busy I am it keeps playing on loop in my head. You are certainly right. He let me down in more ways than one. The entire time we were together he showed up and was always there for me. Except when it mattered most. I think at the time of the initial discussion he didn't want to lose me but his intentions were not behind his words. I know there will be someone out there who wants to accept and reciprocate what I have to offer. Thanks for the support!!!
Ariess10 Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 Time and nc will help you heal .. It's gonna be awhile but that's what you gotta do if you wanna move on .. At all cost no contact
La.Primavera Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 Thank you for that. I got a promotion at work so I'm focusing on that and going away for July 4. I'm trying to stay busy but no matter how busy I am it keeps playing on loop in my head. You are certainly right. He let me down in more ways than one. The entire time we were together he showed up and was always there for me. Except when it mattered most. I think at the time of the initial discussion he didn't want to lose me but his intentions were not behind his words. I know there will be someone out there who wants to accept and reciprocate what I have to offer. Thanks for the support!!! Congratulations on the promotion, that is great news! If that isn't enough to distract you right now then maybe it would help if you had something else to think about just for fun, like a holiday somewhere you have always wanted to go. Every time thoughts of him get too overwhelming start thinking about plans for your trip. Even if it is a long term plan it will still give you a positive distraction when you need it. Hang in there.
Happines Posted June 28, 2015 Posted June 28, 2015 Let me tell u what my ex told me when I left and I left him because he didn't treat me nice I started getting really sad and lonely being with him but I loved him so much that I couldn't bear to think that I will need to b without him after 2 years together So I finally left and he told me just like its told u that he will seek help will do all it takes to make us work and will never give up on us cuz he never loved anyone as much as he loves me and he never felt about anyone like he feels about me and that I am magical girl and he was so lucky to meet me and feel the love that I have...less then a week after my move out and 5 dats after saying all those things he was already seeing someone...don't know how serious it us but when I went to take my last hits after 1 week of move out he wouldn't even let me in pretending that it was too hard for him to see me inside of the fist like we used to be Some people are pathological liars and they don't care about other people feelings What I learned from my 2 years relationship is that it really doesn't matter what the guy says because as u saw my ex says so much bull what matters is their actions...he won't need to tell u he loves u will just know it from the way he treats you So forget him and enjoy ur life without him
Author BriNyc82 Posted June 29, 2015 Author Posted June 29, 2015 Thank you happiness I appreciate your story and insight. My guy never disrespected me or treated me unkindly. Even when it ended. I think he's too much of a coward to be honest. His actions always said more than his words which is why it was such a shock to me. He told me that he wanted to make it clear that him not being ready didn't mean he wanted to be free to see other people. I think he was trying to make me feel secure that it really wasn't about me. I'm sure eventually he will find someone else. We are human. No one ends up along forever. He always had so much concern for me over the time that we were dating and genuinely cared about things I cared about. Turns out in the time I'm hurting the most, he's not here to care. I guess actions really do speak louder than words.
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