BookishRay Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 (edited) It wasn't just her that lost her virginity to me, I was a virgin too. We've been trying to keep this a secret but now it's been nearly 6 months later and they just found out last week. I don't know how. The mother was more relaxed and from what my gf told me they talk about it. My relationship with the mother hasn't been damaged but her father now practically hates me. He didn't took it well and he sees me as the one that took away her innocence even when I was just as innocent as her (and nervous at the moment too). We're both 20 year-old college students and she's saving money to move out soon. I don't know what to do. I really didn't want to lose the guy's friendship (he was like the friend I never had) and now all those good moments are gone, everything. I never had trouble with him until this and now he doesn't want to welcome me. Now it's like I would have to visit her only when the mother is available. Edited June 25, 2015 by BookishRay
Gaeta Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 Don't worry about it, he will get over it and survive. The news is still fresh, he'll get used to the idea that his little girl is a grown woman now. Just continue being yourself, you don't need to convince him of anything, it's battle he needs to solve with himself. 4
Krieger Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 Just do not show up with a t shirt that reads your little princess is my little whore and you be all right. :cool: 1
Author BookishRay Posted June 25, 2015 Author Posted June 25, 2015 Eventually ....Do you know when and how long this gonna take? I'm still the same shy guy and bookish nerd they met. I'm getting better but can still be shy around others sometimes. Apart from us having sex, my personality hasn't change at all and I still hold on to my same values. I waited for the right girl and she's the one.
Author BookishRay Posted June 25, 2015 Author Posted June 25, 2015 Don't worry about it, he will get over it and survive. The news is still fresh, he'll get used to the idea that his little girl is a grown woman now. Just continue being yourself, you don't need to convince him of anything, it's battle he needs to solve with himself.Thank you. I hope this gets solved eventually. I really don't want to lose him as a friend.
SammySammy Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 Do you know when and how long this gonna take? I'm still the same shy guy and bookish nerd they met. I'm getting better but can still be shy around others sometimes. Apart from us having sex, my personality hasn't change at all and I still hold on to my same values. I waited for the right girl and she's the one. No, I don't. I'm a father of a 21 year old daughter. I didn't want to think of her, my nieces or any of my female relatives having sex. It's hard to explain. Overly protective ... all kinds of macho crap goes through some fathers heads. But, I've had to accept that my daughter has had sex and is having sex. Had to face the fact that I was being hypocritical because I was having sex with her mother in her father's house around the same age. I don't know how long it will take for this guy, but - at some point - he has to get over it. Realize he's being a jerk and his daughter is not "ruined". Or whatever he's thinking. 3
Author BookishRay Posted June 25, 2015 Author Posted June 25, 2015 MidKnightDreams, yes I hope he realizes that even though we had sex I love their daughter a lot and would even put myself in front of danger if it meant my life or hers, just like the guys at Aurora theater did a couple years ago. I would have done the same too.
d0nnivain Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 Do you know when and how long this gonna take? I'm still the same shy guy and bookish nerd they met. I'm getting better but can still be shy around others sometimes. Apart from us having sex, my personality hasn't change at all and I still hold on to my same values. I waited for the right girl and she's the one. It's going to take as long as it takes. As MidKnightDreams explained fathers don't like to think about their daughters having sex. When you are a father you will understand. You are not the same guy in the dad's eyes. You are an interloper. He will eventually calm down. For now all you can do is be extra sweet to his baby girl especially in front of him & particularly gracious & deferential to him. Until you, he was the most important man in her life. You have now replaced him & on a base level he hates that. Give him time. Whatever you do, do not attempt to discuss this with him. He doesn't want to talk about it. 1
GoBlue Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 I don't know what to do. I really didn't want to lose the guy's friendship (he was like the friend I never had) and now all those good moments are gone, everything. I never had trouble with him until this and now he doesn't want to welcome me. Now it's like I would have to visit her only when the mother is available. It actually isn't that "all those good moments are gone," it's simply that he is very disappointed and sees you as the instigator of the act. The fact that you think he should be over it a week after finding out proves that you don't understand what it's like to be a father. It also shows a lack of respect for the sexual experience itself. Most fathers deeply love their daughters and want to protect them (I am the father of a 20 y/o girl). Did you really think that he was going to act like this is no big deal and simply pat you on the back? I am going to give you the best advice anyone will give. If you want to win his friendship back the process is very simple - treat his daughter very well, honor and respect her, and make a true commitment to her (marriage). If you do those things he will come around - eventually. If you don't he probably never will be in your corner again. It doesn't matter how much society as a whole treats sex as though it isn't a big deal, after all, "everyone does it and they do it all the time with as many people as they want to do it with!" When it comes to a father and his daughter, it's a whole other issue. Maybe you will grasp that fact one day if you are blessed enough to have a daughter. In the mean-time, I hope you grasp how big a deal it really is to lose your virginity, and I hope you appreciate that sexual intimacy is a BIG DEAL not just something you do for the fun of it. I hope you and your girlfriend validate your love and remain committed.
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