TheBathWater Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 I'm just wondering how many men still actually approach women they see out and about? I've gotten into a habit over the last few years where I stopped doing this, and express interest either through OLD or after getting to know someone through friends. The reason being that I don't like approaching someone I know NOTHING about just because they're attractive. I'm a picky guy, and get turned off easily if the woman isn't highly educated. At least through OLD and friends, I have some context of the person. Anyway, I'm getting sick of OLD and am thinking of approaching women again. This is why I ask how many guys still do it. Maybe some women can comment as well.
Popsicle Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 I'm a woman, but yes, please do approach women in person. 2
danmillar Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 It really depends. I feel more comfortable approaching women in a large, cosmopolitan city. There are really only a few cities in the US which are amenable to cold approach. That is a fact.
jay1983 Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 Only with obvious signs of interest. Eye contact and smile are your golden ticket. I've approached otherwise (without signs of interest) and it never amounted to anything. Try it out, if it works for you, more power to you. If you end getting phone numbers which lead to nothing, then you're right where I was which is why I don't cold approach anymore. 3
danmillar Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 Only with obvious signs of interest. Eye contact and smile are your golden ticket. Well, this is what confuses me. I might get this a half dozen to a dozen times a day. Are you saying I should then follow up with all of them since these are clear cut signs of interest?
jay1983 Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 Well, this is what confuses me. I might get this a half dozen to a dozen times a day. Are you saying I should then follow up with all of them since these are clear cut signs of interest? Half a dozen times a day? That sounds unusual. It's a distinct look. It's not the same as a friendly smile people give out of curiosity. It's when you can tell they like you right off back. I've used this example before. Do you know when you see or meet a girl and you can just tell she likes you? She may not be your type, You're like oh man hell no If so, that's the look I'm talking about. Alright so, take the same advice I gave the OP and try to talk and get their number. Then call and see if it goes anywhere. Try that 10, 20 times if you can. That should be enough to either land something or give you a better idea who likes you. 1
danmillar Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 Half a dozen times a day? That sounds unusual. It's a distinct look. It's not the same as a friendly smile people give out of curiosity. It's when you can tell they like you right off back. I've used this example before. Do you know when you see or meet a girl and you can just tell she likes you? She may not be your type, You're like oh man hell no If so, that's the look I'm talking about. Alright so, take the same advice I gave the OP and try to talk and get their number. Then call and see if it goes anywhere. Try that 10, 20 times if you can. That should be enough to either land something or give you a better idea who likes you. Well, that's what I'm asking. What's "distinctive" about "the look" you speak of? How is that different from a smile and eye contact "out of curiosity?" Do you mean politeness rather than curiosity?
Vercetti Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 Stammer a bit, talk in circles, in general flustered. So when a women is acting silly and I don't know what the hell she is going on about...oh she likes me and is flirting. 1
sharp9 Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 Only with obvious signs of interest. Eye contact and smile are your golden ticket. I've approached otherwise (without signs of interest) and it never amounted to anything. Try it out, if it works for you, more power to you. If you end getting phone numbers which lead to nothing, then you're right where I was which is why I don't cold approach anymore. It could all be in your approach. Some women will just give you their phone number to be nice and never respond. Go out with a friend that has more luck with women than you do and have him watch you (without the girl knowing) when you approach and see what he thinks about your approach. Women like confident men. You might be doing some things completely wrong. I'm an accomplished musician with decades of experience. Yet I still take lessons and my teacher points out things from time to time that I'm unaware of because he's outside the box. You can NEVER be totally objective about yourself.
jay1983 Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 It could all be in your approach. Some women will just give you their phone number to be nice and never respond. Go out with a friend that has more luck with women than you do and have him watch you (without the girl knowing) when you approach and see what he thinks about your approach. Women like confident men. You might be doing some things completely wrong. I'm an accomplished musician with decades of experience. Yet I still take lessons and my teacher points out things from time to time that I'm unaware of because he's outside the box. You can NEVER be totally objective about yourself. Lol I'm not exactly the type your thinking of, but I don't feel like getting into that Let me ask you a question. How many couples do you know who met at the store or mall, or even a bar? It's usually work, as school, mutual friends or extracurricular activity. I can tell right off the bat within a few seconds whether a girl is interested or not. I can tell just by the way she looks at me and responds when I speak to her. Same thing if she likes someone else, I can tell right away she likes that guy. It's one of those things that comes with experience. 1
fitnessfan365 Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 I used to approach often. That's how I got all my dates. But then my best friend moved away and I became more of a homebody. Now for the last year on/off it's mostly been OLD. I've got a very embarrasing approach story that happened months ago though. I was in Subway having a fun/flirty convo with both women that worked there. Suddenly this HOT girl in line joins in. I end up talking to her for a good ten minutes. So I leave and she comes out shortly after. I let her know that it was fun chatting and that I found her very attractive. When I asked for her number she says "I'm very flattered, but I'm underage and only 17". I was absolutely SHOCKED because she easily could have passed for 25 or older.
No Limit Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 Do not approach when piss poor drunk. ... At least not if you're hoping to get a few numbers during the week (and during daytime). 2
Author TheBathWater Posted June 25, 2015 Author Posted June 25, 2015 I'm surprised how many guys approach with the objective of getting something (e.g. a phone number) from a woman. Before I got lazy and started using only OLD, I would approach with no objective other than to have an interaction. Strangely, when I was going in with an agenda or purpose, like getting a number, it didn't work out as much. I believe women know our intentions and are more excited by men who are just being with them in the moment without any objective. 1
gaius Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 When I was single I would sometimes strike up a chat with a woman I found interesting on some level just to see where it went. And yes, when you don't reek of needing something from her it tends to go way better.
fitnessfan365 Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 I'm surprised how many guys approach with the objective of getting something (e.g. a phone number) from a woman. Before I got lazy and started using only OLD, I would approach with no objective other than to have an interaction. Strangely, when I was going in with an agenda or purpose, like getting a number, it didn't work out as much. I believe women know our intentions and are more excited by men who are just being with them in the moment without any objective. There's nothing wrong with being friendly and a people person. But...Remember why you're approaching in the first place. It's a woman that you're attracted to who you hope to get out on a date with you. As you say in your last sentence, women know the score. So why pretend it's anything else? What do so many women say on their OLD profiles? I want a man that's confident who knows what he wants/goes after it. Now will it always work out? No. Not every woman you're attracted to, will be attracted to you. However, tactful directness and owning your attraction when you approach will at least make her respect you as a man either way.
carhill Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 I'm just wondering how many men still actually approach women they see out and about? Not dating but sure, I strike up conversations with unknown women when out and about, most often when traveling since that's when I run into the most women. Approach them specifically to flirt sexually? Nah, not really; that's not my style. Why? Long experience with most being married. However, this style of striking up conversations, or flirting, with unknown women is common in my generation. For us, it was how we mated. There was no 'OLD' when we gained our dating feet. YMMV!
ltjg45 Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 While I am up for approaching women in public places, I have yet to ask a woman out this year. Mostly because of my current situation, which isn't very attractive for mid/late 20s guys like me and that I still having difficult finding women that doesn't have tattoos. I see so many of them around me that it has easily been depressing. If I add other issues like smoking and already became single mothers with financial issues or relying on government assistance and everything sounds out of my reach. I am still looking but I feel I have far better luck on OLD. Of course, I have to be realistic because I know the women there have an image of me when they see my profile and I am sure I am not the guy they truly think I am in their heads. Sometimes, I even have to remind them on that. I hope they can respect that, at the least.
danmillar Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 Lol I'm not exactly the type your thinking of, but I don't feel like getting into that Let me ask you a question. How many couples do you know who met at the store or mall, or even a bar? It's usually work, as school, mutual friends or extracurricular activity. I can tell right off the bat within a few seconds whether a girl is interested or not. I can tell just by the way she looks at me and responds when I speak to her. Same thing if she likes someone else, I can tell right away she likes that guy. It's one of those things that comes with experience. I think you are not addressing the question I asked earlier. You say, in my case, that women are just making eye contact and smiling out of curiosity (politeness?), but that in YOUR case, it's because they have a sexual interest. Your original post was so poorly worded, it requires some clarification. To be honest, I don't think you know the difference at all, which is why you won't elaborate.
GemmaUK Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 I think you are not addressing the question I asked earlier. You say, in my case, that women are just making eye contact and smiling out of curiosity (politeness?), but that in YOUR case, it's because they have a sexual interest. Your original post was so poorly worded, it requires some clarification. To be honest, I don't think you know the difference at all, which is why you won't elaborate. Just a head's up but post No.6 was Jay's reply to you. The one you quoted wasn't replying to you. I agree with Jay - it's all about a warm approach instead of a cold one. It goes for men and women, whoever approaches who. 1
danmillar Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 Just a head's up but post No.6 was Jay's reply to you. The one you quoted wasn't replying to you. I agree with Jay - it's all about a warm approach instead of a cold one. It goes for men and women, whoever approaches who. No, my question is post #7, and is in regard to post #6 actually, so he did not answer the question.
William Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 Folks, let's get back to sharing our personal experiences as guys regarding approaching women. Thanks!
danmillar Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 I would think that figuring out "signs of interest" is part of the approach game. In my particular situation, no, I don't approach many women during the day. Let's say I were to attempt to follow up with each woman who started a conversation with me, or who made eye contact and smiled. If it's a half dozen women a day, and I am out doing chores, exercising, or whatever, and these "conversations" actually became such, rather than a quick exchange of pleasantries, it could become very time consuming. Also, it's often in passing when unexpected, or in inconvenient situations. Approaching is great if you have a lot of free time in a day, esp. in a big city, with lots of single women.
jay1983 Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 I think you are not addressing the question I asked earlier. You say, in my case, that women are just making eye contact and smiling out of curiosity (politeness?), but that in YOUR case, it's because they have a sexual interest. Your original post was so poorly worded, it requires some clarification. To be honest, I don't think you know the difference at all, which is why you won't elaborate. I didn't reply because I don't know how to explain that to you. How in the hell do i write that out? It's a look that says "ooh" if you don't know it, then I don't know what to tell you. 1
SankeCoffee Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 I only approach if I am getting signs of attraction from a women, usually holding eye contact for a bit, and smiling. You can usually feel it if someone is into you initially. I won't approach someone cold who has yet to give me any of these signs. 2
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