Orije Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 Hello love shack, I just have a quick question that is really bothering me. Me and my girlfriend have been together for 3 months now. Currently she is at the beach in new jershey with her friends for the week and she returns home tomorrow. I have a friend coming home from the marines and he is staying up at one of the college with his brother. I was planning to go visit him and stay the night cause he has been gone for 2 years. I tell my girlfriend this cause she knows how badly I wanted to see my best friend again. Instead all I get is a text saying, "don't hook up with any girls". I'm not a cheater or anything, but that worried me and I called her. She said she trusts me she was just saying. I texted her saying not to say that again please because its not nice and she responded with "I can say what I like so I was just telling you" I text her asking if I said or did anything wrong and if I did I'm sorry. She has yet to respond to my message, but I don't know if to be mad or sad. It hurts my heart but I really do love her
mystikmind2005 Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 Well, yes, she made a mistake to say that and is probably embarrassed and trying to sweep it under the rug. You should let it go, people make mistakes, only if it becomes a pattern of behavior should you begin to worry.
Gaeta Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 Let the dust fall down and when you are together address the matter in a calm way. Tell her you do not wish to be in a relationship with someone that doubts your integrity. You are not a child that needs to be reminded to brush his teeth. You know exactly how to conduct yourself when you are in a relationship and no, you do not want to hear that again. If she insists again she can say anything she wants than I would reconsider being in a relationship with this woman, she is definitively too immature.
jen1447 Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 Be careful in the moment bc right now she's orchestrated a situation where she's 'punishing' you (the silence) for her misbehavior (the unfounded comments you didn't care for). Sorry to say but that was enabled by your blanket apologetic behavior. So she likely knows she can harangue you at any time and get you to apologize for it. That's bad bc it's a fairly pronounced imbalance in the relationship dynamics. This single 'incident' wasn't a big deal but if you two move forward with that dynamic in place in general, it won't bode well for you. I'd have the talk Gaeta mentioned asap. p.s. - also don't go around apologizing all the time if you haven't done anything wrong. It looks weak and just empowers her to have disdain for you and to boss you around. 1
sandylee1 Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 I wonder if it's because she hears so much about cheating , especially when the guys are together. I think it's a bit similar to saying something like 'be good ' when one is going to a party or clubbing. I don't think it was said with bad intent. I'd let it slide and move on.
GoBlue Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 Part of the issue is the inequality in the way men are viewed as opposed to women. We (men) are seen as uncontrollable sex addicts by many women. After all - "boys will be boys." You can cut this disagreement short by not "making a mountain out of a mole-hill." You have said your peace now let it go. I think she has gotten the point and I believe she will eventually respond and probably apologize. If she does, consider resisting the temptation to start talking about it again, telling her how it made you feel, and that you would never do such a thing, etc., etc., etc. She knows how you feel, simply accept her apology and move on as if it never happened. That's what forgiveness and reconciliation are all about.
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