When do you ask ethnic background of someone you're dating?

[Simgleandyoung23]

She already answered your question.

 

She is uncomfortable about it because she doesn't know her race and the question brothers her.

 

So drop it.

yeah I learned we have conflicting ideology on this matter.

[Simgleandyoung23]

No. If they're from Louisiana or from states included in the Louisiana Purchase, they'll have French last names for the most part.

 

 

 

Explain Mick Jagger or Angelina Jolie.

 

 

 

I'd be wondering why my friend was so pressed to know the pedigree of someone they're not dating to the point where they made you feel uncomfortable about it. As long as she's not closely related to you, what is the problem?

 

 

yeah you're right.

 

 

No hers are slightly bigger but you learn something different everyday.

 

 

he wasn't. He just was curious. Because she doesn't really look like any ethnic background.

Edited June 25, 2015 by Simgleandyoung23

[Simgleandyoung23]

OP, just ask your gf which box she checks when asked "Race" on a form. My goodness what is the big deal with embracing your race? People should be proud of who they are. I have light brown skin and green eyes so people ask me all the time what I am and I proudly tell them I am Black. They ask are both of my parents Black and I tell them yes. I don't get insulted.

yeah she is too factual to talk about race. She doesn't answer questions of that nature unless it speaks to country of origin. Like I said she doesn't believe in racial terms as far as white or black. Because those aren't correct terms.

[Simgleandyoung23]

In the African American community, it's not considered rude to ask those types of questions, because in cases where someone is born from a mixed race relationship, it can be quite difficult to tell what that person's ethnicity is. It's not uncommon for someone to have all the physical features of a white person but still identify as black because one or more of their parents is black. Mariah Carey is a good example.

 

The only thing that might bother me in OP's situation is if this girl is going out of her way to hide her heritage. That would be sad.

 

 

 

I don't think she's hiding anything just is more literal about the matter.

[Simgleandyoung23]

Methinks the lady doth protest too much. She either doesn't know her heritage or she doesn't want to divulge.

 

It's not racist to want to know someone's ethnic lineage. It's normal to want to know. I think she isn't being very communicative. Personally, it would turn me off just based on the fact that it seems she is shutting the discussion down. Just say "I don't know," or tell him what she is.

 

People always ask me what country my ancestors are from. I have fair skin, natural rosy cheeks and lips, dark hair and sky blue eyes. I hear "are you Russian, Italian, Swedish, Irish, what combination? I don't take offense. I'm a mix, like most people. No biggie. No reason to clam up. People are beautiful, but secrets aren't, if that's what's going on with the OP's girlfriend. Completely normal for him to want to know about her! It doesn't mean it matters to him. He just wants to know her.

 

I think she has people make assumptions she doesn't appreciate.

[cessna]

Myself, for another example.

 

 

 

 

You don't need to explain diversity to me. I am fascinated by my background (a variety of skin tones there) and have spent years researching my family tree. I just feel quite strongly that people should stop being obsessed with skin tone and don't label anyone with dark skin as foreign.

 

Well someone with dark skin in Europe, where I'm from, will have foreign ancestry down the line somewhere. That's just the truth for the most part. Why does that offend some people? If I were to live in Nigeria people would, rightly, assume that I was foreign as I'm white. Would that bother me? Of course it wouldn't, I'm not uptight.

 

People here seem confuse being interested or wanting to know with being bothered. Just because you're interested in what someone's background is doesn't necessarily mean you're bothered by it.

 

If you asked someone if they had any siblings would that infer that you would have an issue with it? Of course it wouldn't.

 

Some people here need to get a grip and stop being so touchy.

 

I often think that the people so afraid to talk about race and ethnicity are the ones, deep down, that hold prejudices. When did we become so scared to talk about our differences? I'm a firm believer in talking openly about anything, that is how we overcome prejudice. Not by bottling it up and pretending it doesn't exist.

 

I made the comment about disabled people earlier and the same thing applies here. Most disabled people would rather people ask them questions about their disability and learn about it. That is how we overcome ignorance.

 

To pretend we're all the same is foolish, naive and ignorant. But just because we're all different doesn't mean we're not all equal. Difference and equality are two separate issues that I think a number of people here are confusing.

 

Are a black man and a white man equal? Yes. Are they the same? No.

[Gaeta]

I think she has people make assumptions she doesn't appreciate.

 

So much hung ups. So what people assume!

 

I think all of her insecurities are coming from not knowing what mix she is. I know people who are from 4-5 different mix and they make jokes about it. I think this young woman needs to figure out who she is and then make peace with it. Figuring out who she is is one click away with all the tools at our disposal now.

 

Her attitude about it really sucks.

[Emilia]

So we're all exactly the same then are we?

 

I'm guessing you're the type that calls anyone who dares talk about immigration controls a racist too.

 

No. I'm calling those racist that think just because they are white they are superior. Eastern European culture is pretty unsophisticated, I am from there so I know. You don't have anything to be proud of.

[Emilia]

oberkeat, I think white people, particularly here in the UK are terrified to speak of colour or race in anyway because political correctness has run riot. All the people I know of 'non-white' backgrounds are much more open to talking about race and colour.

 

My best mate was Indian and we'd both laugh at each others differences and mock each other in a good natured way. The only people who were seemingly offended were white people and there is nothing much I hate more than people taking offence on behalf of others.

 

I agree it would be sad if someone were trying to hide their ethnic background, you should be proud of your background.

 

I love the fact that we are all different, we look different and act differently. It makes the world a much more interesting place. Don't tell the loony lefties though... they think we're all the same remember.

Nope, it's not about being terrified. It's about seeing the human being, not the 'differences'. A lot of white people here are demonstrating that they are ethnocentric and completely unable to relate to what it's like being an outsider. You can try to dress it up as 'PC' but in fact it's the ignorance and inherent racism of those that think their culture is superior. Shame on those that think everyone should be like you.

[cessna]

No. I'm calling those racist that think just because they are white they are superior. Eastern European culture is pretty unsophisticated, I am from there so I know. You don't have anything to be proud of.

 

But people being racist is a different matter entirely. Someone could hold the most racist, despicable views yet have never uttered a racist slur.

 

Well I am proud of my background, I spent a lot of time in my mothers country and whilst it isn't perfect no country is.

[Emilia]

So much hung ups. So what people assume!

 

I think all of her insecurities are coming from not knowing what mix she is. I know people who are from 4-5 different mix and they make jokes about it. I think this young woman needs to figure out who she is and then make peace with it. Figuring out who she is is one click away with all the tools at our disposal now.

 

Her attitude about it really sucks.

 

Yeah, it does because it's different from yours. Because people have to pander to the circus and dance like a bloody monkey to be accepted. Absolutely shameful.

[Emilia]

But people being racist is a different matter entirely. Someone could hold the most racist, despicable views yet have never uttered a racist slur.

 

Well I am proud of my background, I spent a lot of time in my mothers country and whilst it isn't perfect no country is.

 

you are absolutely right. What is being demonstrated here is subtle racism. People not accepting 'other'

[Gaeta]

you are absolutely right. What is being demonstrated here is subtle racism. People not accepting 'other'

 

You're gonna have to point it to me because I don't see it. Some people see racism everywhere though.

[cessna]

you are absolutely right. What is being demonstrated here is subtle racism. People not accepting 'other'

 

Stop playing the race card, you're starting to piss me off now.

 

Where have I, or anyone else here, said we don't accept people of different backgrounds?

 

Wind your neck in sweetheart.

[cessna]

You're gonna have to point it to me because I don't see it. Some people see racism everywhere though.

 

Gaeta, people love to think they're the victim. I can't see it either but again, people love getting on their high horse.

[Emilia]

Well someone with dark skin in Europe, where I'm from, will have foreign ancestry down the line somewhere. That's just the truth for the most part. Why does that offend some people? If I were to live in Nigeria people would, rightly, assume that I was foreign as I'm white. Would that bother me? Of course it wouldn't, I'm not uptight.

 

People here seem confuse being interested or wanting to know with being bothered. Just because you're interested in what someone's background is doesn't necessarily mean you're bothered by it.

 

If you asked someone if they had any siblings would that infer that you would have an issue with it? Of course it wouldn't.

 

Some people here need to get a grip and stop being so touchy.

 

I often think that the people so afraid to talk about race and ethnicity are the ones, deep down, that hold prejudices. When did we become so scared to talk about our differences? I'm a firm believer in talking openly about anything, that is how we overcome prejudice. Not by bottling it up and pretending it doesn't exist.

 

I made the comment about disabled people earlier and the same thing applies here. Most disabled people would rather people ask them questions about their disability and learn about it. That is how we overcome ignorance.

 

To pretend we're all the same is foolish, naive and ignorant. But just because we're all different doesn't mean we're not all equal. Difference and equality are two separate issues that I think a number of people here are confusing.

 

Are a black man and a white man equal? Yes. Are they the same? No.

 

You cannot make a sweeping generalisation about a minority and how you THINK they want to be treated. You want to focus on why they are different from you and you want to stifle the argument when someone disagrees. THIS is why many want to be left alone. As a white Brit you do not have the right to decide how someone else should feel about their ethnicity. As an able bodied person you do not have the right to decide how a disabled person should feel. Not that being nonwhite is the same as being disabled

 

By the way, cultural differences exist. However, if you think a white man and a black man are different for fundamental reasons that are based on physical differences then yes you are racist. Not because everyone is sensitive and PC but because you are blinded by a perceived cultural superiority that does not exist.

[cessna]

You cannot make a sweeping generalisation about a minority and how you THINK they want to be treated. You want to focus on why they are different from you and you want to stifle the argument when someone disagrees. THIS is why many want to be left alone. As a white Brit you do not have the right to decide how someone else should feel about their ethnicity. As an able bodied person you do not have the right to decide how a disabled person should feel. Not that being nonwhite is the same as being disabled

 

By the way, cultural differences exist. However, if you think a white man and a black man are different for fundamental reasons that are based on physical differences then yes you are racist. Not because everyone is sensitive and PC but because you are blinded by a perceived cultural superiority that does not exist.

 

Again, you've missed the point entirely.

 

How do you know I'm white? How do you know I'm able bodied?

 

Where did I say I had the right to decide how a disabled person should feel? Quote me the text where I said that and then come back to me. I have the right to ask questions. You, or anyone else for that for that matter, have the right to answer, not answer or tell me to f*ck off.

 

A white man is different from a black man. That is a fact. Is the white man better? No, they're equal. Am I, as a male, the same as a woman? Of course I'm not. Does that make me a sexist?

 

I've never insinuated that my culture or my race is superior. You're making an issue out of nothing, playing the victim.

[cessna]

And didn't you tell me that I shouldn't be proud of my eastern European heritage? The irony...

[Gaeta]

By the way, cultural differences exist.

This is ALL this thread has been about, Cultural differences.

 

Also if you think all people that are white have never been victim of prejudices I have 400 years of my own history to share with you where my people have been kept in ignorance and poverty for centuries, denied seats in our own parliament, and denied access to Universities. I have been called all names under the sun because of my culture including their all time favorite 'damn frog' and I have more than once found body bags and funeral arrangements on my front steps for simply being of my culture.

[cessna]

But you're white Gaeta, don't you know white people can't be the victims of racism... Duh.

 

Also, black people can't be racist.

[Timshel]

Stepping into. As a woman/person who is ethnically diverse, living below the Mason Dixon line and being adopted by white as ghost parents.....crap ladies.

 

I see both sides. No one likes an interrogation into their ethnic background. Why? For what purpose? The box. So that people think they know how to relate to you? Ignorant and often invalid.

 

Should anyone withhold this information in an intimate relationship? Why and for what purpose? Is there shame?

 

Honest and harsh, a man and woman may want to convey to their children their ethnicity. A man or woman may want to know what their child will look like, what to expect.

 

It is naive to think that ethnicity is meaningless.

 

At the same time, my own ambiguity and being questioned makes me think that the preoccupation with race for the purpose of 'boxing' or relating to people is so ridiculous, absurd. In an idealist world, we are over this crap and a person is only observed by character and action.

 

Race and ethnicity are obviously touchy and deep-seated internalizations.

 

Debate is fine but the OP should be well satisfied or leave his gf if he is not.

Edited June 26, 2015 by Timshel

[Simgleandyoung23]

So much hung ups. So what people assume!

 

I think all of her insecurities are coming from not knowing what mix she is. I know people who are from 4-5 different mix and they make jokes about it. I think this young woman needs to figure out who she is and then make peace with it. Figuring out who she is is one click away with all the tools at our disposal now.

 

Her attitude about it really sucks.

 

 

 

yeah but her family has been here for centuries I guess that's why she's annoyed because many people just identify as American without being questioned because her complexion is slightly darker.

[guest569]

Well someone with dark skin in Europe, where I'm from, will have foreign ancestry down the line somewhere. That's just the truth for the most part. Why does that offend some people? If I were to live in Nigeria people would, rightly, assume that I was foreign as I'm white. Would that bother me? Of course it wouldn't, I'm not uptight.

 

People here seem confuse being interested or wanting to know with being bothered. Just because you're interested in what someone's background is doesn't necessarily mean you're bothered by it.

 

If you asked someone if they had any siblings would that infer that you would have an issue with it? Of course it wouldn't.

 

Some people here need to get a grip and stop being so touchy.

 

I often think that the people so afraid to talk about race and ethnicity are the ones, deep down, that hold prejudices. When did we become so scared to talk about our differences? I'm a firm believer in talking openly about anything, that is how we overcome prejudice. Not by bottling it up and pretending it doesn't exist.

 

I made the comment about disabled people earlier and the same thing applies here. Most disabled people would rather people ask them questions about their disability and learn about it. That is how we overcome ignorance.

 

To pretend we're all the same is foolish, naive and ignorant. But just because we're all different doesn't mean we're not all equal. Difference and equality are two separate issues that I think a number of people here are confusing.

 

Are a black man and a white man equal? Yes. Are they the same? No.

 

Uhh, I was simply explaining to you that where I am from a person with dark skin may be foreign, but they also may have had family here for 6 generations or thousands of years. Not foreign. And what the hell does equality and difference have to do with anything? I'm not even talking about equality, I am talking about judging and ignorance.

[guest569]

But you're white Gaeta, don't you know white people can't be the victims of racism... Duh.

 

Also, black people can't be racist.

 

Well, I've heard all i need to, i understand where you are coming from now (ha). I'm done here.

[Emilia]

As much as everyone born in the same country have the same citizenship rights, I do find it hugely ironic when a second generation white immigrant spews hatred over differences on people of colour who have been living in the same country for generations more. Hilarious.