Gaeta Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 When you ask someone their ethnicity you are wanting to know what are their parents not their whole ancestry tree. It's normal to know what your parents are. Usually parents talk to their children about their culture and their home country. If I were a young woman looking for a husband and father of my children I would like my man to know what he's made of because I'd want my children to know they are partly something-something and I'd want them to know their heritage and learn about their culture. My step daughter is 50-50 whitefrench-navive. She had children with an african man so her children are 25-25-50 french-native-black. Her children know and celebrate their 3 heritages. It's not a matter of race, it's a matter of what culture you identify yourself to. It's also a matter of knowing who you are. People are usually proud of their ancestry. Even Tiger Woods knows about his 6 different heritage. It was shared to him by his parents and grand parents. Someone that would tell me I don't know what I am I would wonder in what kind of household they grew up. They never heard their parents talk about their origin? never heard them talk about their childhood and grand parents? Just weird.
elaine567 Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 Maybe she was brought up in a children's home, fostered or adopted and genuinely doesn't know her heritage.
Lois_Griffin Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 I wouldn't call it racist so much as ignorant. If someone has dark skin you feel compelled to ask where they are from? I dont know, I'm from a very multicultural place so the locals all have different heritages. For that reason..It can be a quite rude question where I am from. Jesus. It's really pitiful that everyone is so darned PC now that asking one's heritage is considered to be almost taboo. Seriously? I've never been insulted or considered it 'rude' when someone has conversationally asked me my heritage. What the hell is so wrong in this world that you can't even ask someone this question anymore? 2
cessna Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 Jesus. It's really pitiful that everyone is so darned PC now that asking one's heritage is considered to be almost taboo. Seriously? I've never been insulted or considered it 'rude' when someone has conversationally asked me my heritage. What the hell is so wrong in this world that you can't even ask someone this question anymore? Exactly, it's madness isn't it. Asking questions helps breaks down ignorance if you ask me. If I'm chatting to someone who might be disabled I have no problem asking them what their disability is. They have every right to tell me to mind my own business but I have never been told to. Most often people are happy that I want to learn about where they are from or what condition they may be afflicted with. If someone asked me what my background is I would be more than happy to tell them what countries my family came from, it's interesting and a part of who I am. Why is everyone so touchy and sensitive these days? 1
scorpiogirl Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 I'm South African. I'm "brown". We have a unique racial classification that's hard to explain and when people ask me what I am, the simple answer doesn't exist. If I say "mixed" they want to know how. It's complicated and I need to explain the entire history of South Africa. And then their eyes glaze over because they don't really want to know all that. In my experience, Americans are very focused on one's ethnicity. Like us South Africans many Americans are a mixture of many things but in SA WHAT that mixture is, is often not important. Americans will often know and talk about what their multiple ethnicities are. This is not a criticism, just my observation. Im not being shady or snooty or hiding my background but I don't always feel like doing a history lesson. The other things is, I don't know WHAT I am if I have to classify my ancestors. I'm working on a family tree and have managed to go back only 4 generations on my maternal grandfathers side and still no clue. People think I'm Spanish or Hispanic, Indian (?!) or Black. Rarely some think I'm white but very tanned. In Malaysia people think I'm one of them. In San Diego people speak Spanish to me. Sometimes it's just a hard question to answer. I'm not offended when asked, nor is it about being PC. 1
Emilia Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 People are 'sensitive' these days because they are fed up with casual racism and being perceived as 'other' because the colour is seen before the person. I completely get it. Some are happy to discuss it, others aren't. People should be allowed to draw their own boundaries. It's not a circus, they aren't on this planet to satisfy your curiosity. The insult is that if someone is the same colour as you and has the same accent, the scrutiny isn't there. 2
Gaeta Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 People should be allowed to draw their own boundaries. Boundaries? Like sorry you're not allowed to know what cultural background I am from? It's ok for you to know about my past relationships, sexual history, financial history, my mental illness and whatsnot but not allowed to know my race? 1
GorillaTheater Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 I'm South African. I'm "brown". We have a unique racial classification that's hard to explain and when people ask me what I am, the simple answer doesn't exist. If I say "mixed" they want to know how. It's complicated and I need to explain the entire history of South Africa. And then their eyes glaze over because they don't really want to know all that. "Cape Malay" or "Colored", I'm guessing ? (and forgive my curiosity ) I could see how, depending on the setting, explaining that you're "Colored" would be a bit awkward. 1
GorillaTheater Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 Boundaries? Like sorry you're not allowed to know what cultural background I am from? It's ok for you to know about my past relationships, sexual history, financial history, my mental illness and whatsnot but not allowed to know my race? A person might reasonably choose not to be terribly forthcoming about those other areas, either. 3
Emilia Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 Boundaries? Like sorry you're not allowed to know what cultural background I am from? It's ok for you to know about my past relationships, sexual history, financial history, my mental illness and whatsnot but not allowed to know my race? I think many people draw the line when it comes to boundaries and disclosure before you do.
scorpiogirl Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 "Cape Malay" or "Colored", I'm guessing ? (and forgive my curiosity ) I could see how, depending on the setting, explaining that you're "Colored" would be a bit awkward. Coloured yes. Cape Malay no See, even there is a difference. I don't care about the use of the word "coloured". It's what I am. It's more of a hindrance to explain than awkward. In the UK people get offended at ME for using the word 2
Emilia Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 Coloured yes. Cape Malay no See, even there is a difference. I don't care about the use of the word "coloured". It's what I am. It's more of a hindrance to explain than awkward. In the UK people get offended at ME for using the word I know! I had to stop using it when I came back from Africa. 1
preraph Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 Yeah it's not when she tans when she gets dark. She just is dark naturally. She tans brown quite easily it's really pretty. Just not exactly white. But you're right I should probably ask her. What her ethnicity is since it is interesting myself that much. Instead of saying "race" or "ethnicity," don't limit it to that and just ask her her lineage, which isn't just black, white or brown but German, Italian, Brazilian, etc.
Gaeta Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 Coloured yes. Cape Malay no See, even there is a difference. I don't care about the use of the word "coloured". It's what I am. It's more of a hindrance to explain than awkward. In the UK people get offended at ME for using the word I don't think anyone expects you to explain your ancestry tree. Just tell them you are a mixture of ethnicity which is typical of South Africa.
I Just Wanna b Happy Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 I ask during a first conversation and it's a natural question to me. I don't see anything wrong with it. I am also being asked often what I am and I take no offense what so ever. This is what I guarantee most people do. If a person's ethnic background is important to you, why the hell would you wait until you start DATING to ask? I really don't get TC's logic here.... 1
scorpiogirl Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 I know! I had to stop using it when I came back from Africa. I don't think anyone expects you to explain your ancestry tree. Just tell them you are a mixture of ethnicity which is typical of South Africa. Well actually, having been on the other end of that question, I can assure that that's not a sufficient answer for many. 1
GorillaTheater Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 Well actually, having been on the other end of that question, I can assure that that's not a sufficient answer for many. "Well, Colored is the term for the descendants of Khoisan women and early Dutch settlers, who later became Afrikaaners. The Afrikaaners themselves are largely mixed as well, but will often loudly proclaim "yeah, but it's ZULU blood, and ..."
Emilia Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 I don't think anyone expects you to explain your ancestry tree. Just tell them you are a mixture of ethnicity which is typical of South Africa. There is no 'typical'. People are individuals. 2
sweetjasmine Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 Boundaries? Like sorry you're not allowed to know what cultural background I am from? It's ok for you to know about my past relationships, sexual history, financial history, my mental illness and whatsnot but not allowed to know my race? Cultural background and race are different. Culturally, this girl is from freaking Michigan, not the moon, and her family has been in America for a long time. It's always amazing to me when people feel uncomfortable that they can't officially and clearly categorize someone's race. What does it matter? For many of us, the lines are quite blurred, and we don't really care to make a definitive statement either way. And, yeah, it's insulting to be asked "what" you are or where you're from, as if the shade of your skin means you MUST be some outsider from some other country and as if people who look exactly like you can't possibly be from anywhere else. It's incredibly tiresome. 3
Gaeta Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 There is no 'typical'. People are individuals. Lets not get bog down on the semantic here. I am talking geographically.
sweetjasmine Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 Lets not get bog down on the semantic here. I am talking geographically. Geography often doesn't tell you a thing about race. What race is an American? Or a Brazilian, for that matter? Or an Australian? Geographically, this girl is from Michigan and her family is from America. Problem solved. 1
GorillaTheater Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 I have to admit, I'm interested in ethnic and cultural background just out of sheer curiosity. I know just enough about the world to be dangerous, and am interested in different heritages and the different perspectives that often come along with it. When I was a kid I dated a second-generation Italian, and sometimes was more interested in talking with her grandmother than with her. 3
Emilia Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 I have to admit, I'm interested in ethnic and cultural background just out of sheer curiosity. I know just enough about the world to be dangerous, and am interested in different heritages and the different perspectives that often come along with it. When I was a kid I dated a second-generation Italian, and sometimes was more interested in talking with her grandmother than with her. I'm sure you wouldn't have bugged her if she wasn't comfortable. I went out with a Kenyan Indian, he told me about his family. I didn't go jeeez your skin tone is lighter than I'd expect, can you elaborate further. Which is what the OP did. 1
Emilia Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 Lets not get bog down on the semantic here. I am talking geographically. It's not semantics. There are 7 official languages in South Africa, it's a very diverse country. I can't imagine they care for neat little boxes so that Westerners could form some stereotypes.
sweetjasmine Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 I have to admit, I'm interested in ethnic and cultural background just out of sheer curiosity. Generally speaking, me too, but that doesn't necessitate having this burning need to put a definitive racial label on someone. And you can be interested in learning about people's backgrounds while understanding that some people don't want to talk about it very much and that they have a right not to indulge your curiosity. Especially in parts of the immigrant community in the US, some people want to break ties with their past history and would rather be viewed as Americans, and it gets old to be constantly reminded that you're an outsider and different and, hey, let's talk about all the ways in which you don't belong and in which you're different from us. I personally don't mind talking about this stuff but I can understand why others either might not want to or just wouldn't care enough to even know in the first place. My mother, for instance, has no idea where her grandparents were born except for a vague idea that it was probably Northern and Southern Italy, and no one knows a single thing about any generation further back than that one. Same story on my dad's side. No one knows and no one cared to ask, and everyone just assumes that everyone else was born in the same area. Definitely not inconceivable to me that someone wouldn't know that much about their background in the first place, and the chances of that are increased if anyone in the family was ever adopted. 3
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