Simgleandyoung23 Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 I was just wondering. There's this girl I'm dating. She doesn't really look white to me. Once I even volunteered my ethnic background saying my great great grandpa was from Bradford. She just said she hardly knows her ethnic background. She is distant from her family they live in another state and as far as I know she's estranged from her family. She also says she doesn't believe in things like that a lot. Like with sexuality gender identity and racial or cultural identity. Her last name is pretty common. It just is kind of odd sometimes trying to describe her because it's hard to place her. She's mentioned her last name is French derived despite it sounding English. Well anyhow this is kind of bothering not that it would change anything I like her a lot and it's been going good. It's just we've been going out long enough I should know what race she is. Advice? 1
pewpew Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 Well yeah guess it's a bit weird that she won't just say but If she doesn't seem like she wants to talk about it then don't push it and will it really make a big difference if you find out? I'm sure in time you will find out no point in pushing it if she doesn't seem like she wants to tell you. 1
Satu Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 In general, I let people tell me what they want to tell me, when they want to tell it. I don't probe. 6
Author Simgleandyoung23 Posted June 25, 2015 Author Posted June 25, 2015 Some people would say she was white. I guess. She dyes her hair blonde. But she's really dark has big lips but not in a bad way they're like a bit fuller than like Angelina jolie's in her youth and she has a unique cheekbone structure when she smiles and they're high. And she has really dark large eyes. She has a face similar to a bratz doll. I'd have guessed her to be middle eastern Latina or maybe southern European descent perhaps. But her last name doesn't match that. Otherwise though she's really beautiful perfect personality great body and great in bed. But it's just like we've gone out so long to not know seems just weird to me. 1
Author Simgleandyoung23 Posted June 25, 2015 Author Posted June 25, 2015 In general, I let people tell me what they want to tell me, when they want to tell it. I don't probe. that's how I am too. 1
cessna Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 People are terrified of being branded a racist these days to the point where they don't dare ask someone where they are from. It makes me laugh. I'll straight up ask someone where they are from if they are clearly not white. I find it interesting and most people are happy to talk about their heritage. 3
preraph Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 She's probably a big mixture and doesn't maybe identify with any one thing. I was never insulted when someone asked me my lineage. Apparently I look like a lot of different things. When I'm tan (I'm part Cherokee, so in my youth, if I was out in the sun, I could get pretty dark), people thought I was part Mexican only because of skin color. Even a few years ago, I got a little tan and people started speaking Spanish to me. But only when i'm real tan. Then on vacation in England, an Italian guy wouldn't leave me alone until I had to go to the hotel desk because he thought I was Italian and, I guess, therefore I should sleep with him?? One date I had when I was young thought I was Jewish and people thought I was from NY sometimes. None of it ever bothered me. Just ask her. She's probably a big blend like me.
Author Simgleandyoung23 Posted June 25, 2015 Author Posted June 25, 2015 People are terrified of being branded a racist these days to the point where they don't dare ask someone where they are from. It makes me laugh. I'll straight up ask someone where they are from if they are clearly not white. I find it interesting and most people are happy to talk about their heritage. I know she's from. It's in Michigan. I guess that would imply sshe's native American or black.
Ninjainpajamas Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 She sounds mixed-black but I'm not sure why you care so much, maybe she just doesn't want to be associated or identified in any way other than being judged for who she is as a woman. 1
Author Simgleandyoung23 Posted June 25, 2015 Author Posted June 25, 2015 She's probably a big mixture and doesn't maybe identify with any one thing. I was never insulted when someone asked me my lineage. Apparently I look like a lot of different things. When I'm tan (I'm part Cherokee, so in my youth, if I was out in the sun, I could get pretty dark), people thought I was part Mexican only because of skin color. Even a few years ago, I got a little tan and people started speaking Spanish to me. But only when i'm real tan. Then on vacation in England, an Italian guy wouldn't leave me alone until I had to go to the hotel desk because he thought I was Italian and, I guess, therefore I should sleep with him?? One date I had when I was young thought I was Jewish and people thought I was from NY sometimes. None of it ever bothered me. Just ask her. She's probably a big blend like me. Yeah it's not when she tans when she gets dark. She just is dark naturally. She tans brown quite easily it's really pretty. Just not exactly white. But you're right I should probably ask her. What her ethnicity is since it is interesting myself that much.
Author Simgleandyoung23 Posted June 25, 2015 Author Posted June 25, 2015 (edited) She sounds mixed-black but I'm not sure why you care so much, maybe she just doesn't want to be associated or identified in any way other than being judged for who she is as a woman. I thought of that mainly because she has a typical name like Jones. But she indicated it was a French last name. As far as I know black americans have English last names not French normally. Plus that's mainly because her lip size. But it could be fake not sure. Like she has breasts that are more like an f cup and she's 120. I don't know what she's had done or if she has ever and currently don't care. I only felt kind of weird because one of my friends asked what she was. And I have no idea. But to say she mentioned she had French ancestry. I kind of was made to feel like I didn't know anything about her. Edited June 25, 2015 by Simgleandyoung23
deathandtaxes Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 I only felt kind of weird because one of my friends asked what she was. And I have no idea. But to say she mentioned she had French ancestry. I kind of was made to feel like I didn't know anything about her. Just tell your friend she's from Michigan.
TheBathWater Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 What an interesting question. I suggest letting her define herself, rather than categorizing her into some preconceived construct of identity. When I meet someone I want to connect with (romantic or otherwise), often one of the first things out of my mouth is: "how do you identify?" and I just listen from that point forward.
LuckyLady13 Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 You sound like you're dating one of my old friends who moved away and she is French/Italian. You're describing her perfectly! I think she may have some kind of reason behind not wanting to openly discuss it. Could be anything, really. Bad memories attached to her family she's trying not to think about or maybe she's ashamed of part of her ancestry because of racism. I experienced something one time that does make me think before telling anyone of my mixed ancestry. I have a diverse background. I mentioned to a guy one time I'm part German, and rattled off the rest (which is a long list). His reply to me immediately when I finished? Oh, you little Nazi! And then said it was just a joke, lighten up. My jaw was hanging open in disbelief! If I see him again, even 15 years from now, I'm going to punch him in the head. But, anyway! I do give pause these days before discussing my ancestry because of things like this but I will openly talk to people about it and don't hesitate to ask others about their ancestry. I'd never make a horrible comment or backhanded remark and have a genuine interest in peoples background. As long as your heart is in the right place, I think you should try to open up a discussion with her about it. She's your girlfriend so you should be getting to know her!
Gaeta Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 I ask during a first conversation and it's a natural question to me. I don't see anything wrong with it. I am also being asked often what I am and I take no offense what so ever. 3
Gaeta Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 I thought of that mainly because she has a typical name like Jones. But she indicated it was a French last name. As far as I know black americans have English last names not French normally. Plus that's mainly because her lip size. But it could be fake not sure. Like she has breasts that are more like an f cup and she's 120. I don't know what she's had done or if she has ever and currently don't care. There are multitudes of French Caribbean Islands and French African countries with French last names. 1
Author Simgleandyoung23 Posted June 25, 2015 Author Posted June 25, 2015 You sound like you're dating one of my old friends who moved away and she is French/Italian. You're describing her perfectly! I think she may have some kind of reason behind not wanting to openly discuss it. Could be anything, really. Bad memories attached to her family she's trying not to think about or maybe she's ashamed of part of her ancestry because of racism. I experienced something one time that does make me think before telling anyone of my mixed ancestry. I have a diverse background. I mentioned to a guy one time I'm part German, and rattled off the rest (which is a long list). His reply to me immediately when I finished? Oh, you little Nazi! And then said it was just a joke, lighten up. My jaw was hanging open in disbelief! If I see him again, even 15 years from now, I'm going to punch him in the head. But, anyway! I do give pause these days before discussing my ancestry because of things like this but I will openly talk to people about it and don't hesitate to ask others about their ancestry. I'd never make a horrible comment or backhanded remark and have a genuine interest in peoples background. As long as your heart is in the right place, I think you should try to open up a discussion with her about it. She's your girlfriend so you should be getting to know her! I just talked to her today and said she doesn't know her family's been in America for years.
umirano Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 saying that your grand grandpa is from Bradford isn't giving his ethnic background. there's no such thing as a middle eastern latina. if she's from the middle east she's probably arab, kurd or armenian.over the centuries many times middle easterners settled all over southern Europe. it's perfectly possible to have a french last name and look "middle eastern".only dna test, in connection with church records or a family tree can give accurate information on ancestry and originrace and ethnicity (the way this term is commonly used) are not reflected in genetics. you could be white and genetically closer to a black person than to certain other white persons. 2
Emilia Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 Who cares? She doesn't want to discuss it, leave it be. People don't have to disect the smallest things about them just to please you.
LookAtThisPOst Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 Yeah... There are some people, when asked what race they are, they respond..." The human race!" As if they thought they said something smart or witty.
Eggplant Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 there's no such thing as a middle eastern latina. you forgot Shakira
lollipopspot Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 race and ethnicity (the way this term is commonly used) are not reflected in genetics. you could be white and genetically closer to a black person than to certain other white persons. elaborate your understanding of this, please
Emilia Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 elaborate your understanding of this, please South african white people are a good example. They look white but when South Africa was colonised there were no women brought from Europe. The men mixed with the native black african women. You wouldn't guess from the way whites look now because they bred certain features out of themselves but they are closer genetically to black africans than to white europeans
guest569 Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 People are terrified of being branded a racist these days to the point where they don't dare ask someone where they are from. It makes me laugh. I'll straight up ask someone where they are from if they are clearly not white. I find it interesting and most people are happy to talk about their heritage. I wouldn't call it racist so much as ignorant. If someone has dark skin you feel compelled to ask where they are from? I dont know, I'm from a very multicultural place so the locals all have different heritages. For that reason..It can be a quite rude question where I am from.
guest569 Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 I just talked to her today and said she doesn't know her family's been in America for years. Why does it matter? Is this simply curiosity?
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