johnny_league Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 I know every girl is different and I'm not trying to have you guess what someone else meant by this. I am curious about YOUR experience and what you were expecting when you said it to the guy and why and what happened with it and what you wanted to happen/wished had happened.
d0nnivain Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 For me it always meant that sex wasn't on the table immediately and that I was extremely reluctant to give him my heart.
michellew Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 For me it usually means I really like the guy a lot and don't want to f*** it up by rushing in or sleeping with him too soon. 3
ascendotum Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 For me it usually means I really like the guy a lot and don't want to f*** it up by rushing in or sleeping with him too soon. As a guy I tend to view as the opposite (ie lower levels of desire), based on my experiences at different times in my life (with different level of desirability) and also observations & feedback from my friends across different levels of looks/attraction. Maybe these days with woman having lots more casual sex partners I guess the change in pace would match their change in perspective when it comes to a guy they want for a LTR, plus it helps to look like they are not normally the type to jump into bed asap. It depends on the woman for sure and her past experiences and also to a degree what stage in life she is at.
Vercetti Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 Wife told me that, only weekends free, busy with work, wants to take things slow. Saw her every weekday except one first week, missed day before first big date date...after that date date well. I took slow as basically don't be a chump that begs for more time / ect. Yeah, slow, ok...foreplay got it.
amaysngrace Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 I say it if the person I'm with seems vulnerable.
GemmaUK Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 For me it usually means I really like the guy a lot and don't want to f*** it up by rushing in or sleeping with him too soon. Ditto. I've gone there sooner but only when I wasn't so keen on a guy. I hold off when I really like him and want to get to know him as a person.
SankeCoffee Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 My perspective as a man is that women say this when they have interest in a man but he is coming on too strong and over pursuing her and she doesn't feel free. Men and women are like cats and dogs. Men being the dogs will go up to someone they like and be loyal and show them affection even if its a complete stranger, women being the cats, will come and go as the please until the feel comfort with someone before the affection is displayed
Gaeta Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 When I tell a man I want to go slow it means: * I am unsure about him and need time to asses more * I got another thing going and need time to see where the cards are gonna fall with the other man. * If I am interested in a man I will never ever pronounce the words 'lets take it slow'.
I Just Wanna b Happy Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 When I tell a man I want to go slow it means: * I am unsure about him and need time to asses more * I got another thing going and need time to see where the cards are gonna fall with the other man. * If I am interested in a man I will never ever pronounce the words 'lets take it slow'. Why not tell the man this rather than use "I want to go slow excuse"? I know I wouldn't want to go out with a woman who is already involved with another dude. 1
fitnessfan365 Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 Think about it logically. In the beginning a woman doesn't know you and she's being constantly pursued. So what else is she going to say? However, when a woman tests you (it's a defense mechanism), just be yourself, be confident, and continue to go after what you want. Women think they have exclusive rights to the "slow" script. But I flip it on them. I'll be very direct/sexually assertive. But then I'll stress we're taking it slow and keep planning public dates. It really is the best of both. I get to know her as a person (I want to genuinely like the woman I sleep with). But the slow seduction makes her crave/anticipate sex. Unlike sex hungry guys that want to "watch a movie" within three dates, I'm the one who she has to earn it with. It's that bit of a challenge that drives her nuts.
JJCaliGirl Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 Think about it logically. In the beginning a woman doesn't know you and she's being constantly pursued. So what else is she going to say? However, when a woman tests you (it's a defense mechanism), just be yourself, be confident, and continue to go after what you want. Women think they have exclusive rights to the "slow" script. But I flip it on them. I'll be very direct/sexually assertive. But then I'll stress we're taking it slow and keep planning public dates. It really is the best of both. I get to know her as a person (I want to genuinely like the woman I sleep with). But the slow seduction makes her crave/anticipate sex. Unlike sex hungry guys that want to "watch a movie" within three dates, I'm the one who she has to earn it with. It's that bit of a challenge that drives her nuts. And this is very frustrating, but oh so hot from a woman's perspective. But FitnessFan is right. We get pursued by a lot of men who mention in their profiles they are looking for something serious, but within a message or two is asking how many partners you have had and instantly wants to feel how soft or firm my bed is (both happened this week with men from Match (not Tinder)). So when a man shows restraint but yet some aggressiveness, it makes my blood boil and feel desired. And feeling desired is great!
katiegrl Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 My perspective as a man is that women say this when they have interest in a man but he is coming on too strong and over pursuing her and she doesn't feel free. Yah, you hit the nail on the head with the above....at least for me. 1
katiegrl Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 (edited) When I tell a man I want to go slow it means: * I am unsure about him and need time to asses more * I got another thing going and need time to see where the cards are gonna fall with the other man. * If I am interested in a man I will never ever pronounce the words 'lets take it slow'. If they're coming on like gangbusters (as they usually do with you)...you might want to consider it Gaeta. Guys who dash IN quickly are much more likely to dash OUT just as quickly....as you yourself have acknowledged when giving advice to others....and which you yourself have experienced. Just sayin... Edited June 25, 2015 by katiegrl 1
Gaeta Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 If they're coming on like gangbusters (as they usually do with you)...you might want to consider it Gaeta. Guys that dash IN quickly are much more likely to dash OUT just as quickly....as you yourself have acknowledged when giving advice to others.... Just sayin... When I was interested in them I did jump right in :-) it's when I am not THAT interested that I say hold your horses. I start with telling them I want to go slow in the hope some feelings will grow out of a slower process but it never does. Have we ever heard a story with a good ending that starts with She told me she wants to take it slow?
katiegrl Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 (edited) When I was interested in them I did jump right in :-) it's when I am not THAT interested that I say hold your horses. I start with telling them I want to go slow in the hope some feelings will grow out of a slower process but it never does. Have we ever heard a story with a good ending that starts with She told me she wants to take it slow? Yeah, me and my boyfriend! Although we had sex the first night....he came on ridiculously strong after that. Wanting to see me ALL THE TIME, calling/texting ALL THE TIME... pursuing me TOO MUCH....it was suffocating. Plus, I knew his history of being somewhat of a player...coming on strong with women... then burning out... So I told him (nicely) that he was coming on a little too strong and we needed to slow down....that I found it a bit suffocating...that I am super independent, etc. He respected that and obliged...although still needed reminding from time to time... I truly believe that had I gone along with his fast paced agenda...he would have gotten bored, burned out, just like he did with all the others....and we would not still be together - 5+ years later. Edited June 25, 2015 by katiegrl
phineas Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 I want to take things slow has always turned out to mean "just keep paying attention to me while I keep playing the field" every woman & I mean EVERY woman who told me this ended up sleeping with an ex or some guy they just met. 2
Naturebox Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 As a guy I tend to view as the opposite (ie lower levels of desire), based on my experiences at different times in my life (with different level of desirability) and also observations & feedback from my friends across different levels of looks/attraction. Maybe these days with woman having lots more casual sex partners I guess the change in pace would match their change in perspective when it comes to a guy they want for a LTR, plus it helps to look like they are not normally the type to jump into bed asap. It depends on the woman for sure and her past experiences and also to a degree what stage in life she is at. Life isn't always a porn son, you can't expect a girl to be throwing herself at you because she's attracted. Look at it this way: If she threw herself at you because she was attracted to you And she did this a few times for different guys What word would people call her? You want a whore or you want an inexperienced virgin? Answer: You want both. You want a pure girl that's all candy and sunshine until she meets you and then she gives you her virginity on the first date and everything is golden for both of you. Just isn't realistic.
Shining One Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 Have we ever heard a story with a good ending that starts with She told me she wants to take it slow? Yeah, me and my boyfriend! Although we had sex the first night.This is a non sequitur. Slowing down after having sex is not taking things slow.
Shining One Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 For me, "I want to take things slow" translates to: "I enjoy your company, but I don't want to sleep with you, so I'll keep stringing you along until you get tired of it." 1
smackie9 Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 For me there is no such thing as slow. Either I like you or I don't.
BlueIris Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 I know every girl is different and I'm not trying to have you guess what someone else meant by this. I am curious about YOUR experience and what you were expecting when you said it to the guy and why and what happened with it and what you wanted to happen/wished had happened. I did want to go slowly so that I could get to know him and find out if we both liked each other enough and meshed well. It turned out very well. We're still together. I wasn’t interested in anything but a solid long term relationship, most likely leading to marriage, though. If that isn’t your intention, disregard the above. 1
mongo Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 last girl i took out on a date said "i like to take things reeeeaalllyyyy sloww". im like oh greeaaattt, the worst thing she coulda said. 1
ascendotum Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 If she threw herself at you because she was attracted to you And she did this a few times for different guys What word would people call her? True but they wont know for sure. That's the catch. Unless you knock around the same crowd you have no idea of her real nature when it comes to sex or men. Even then I've known a couple of prim & proper women but were DTF for the right guy on the quiet and with OLD its so easy to have a double life. A couple of women Ive known for numerous years have now done a 180 on how they date, whereas before one was a gangbanger and the other would go from hello to jumping in the car/taxi for sex within 1/2 hr on numerous occasions. Just because the new woman you are dating wants to take it slow is no solid indicator that she was like that for the hotter looking guys or her casual sex partners. I know a lot of guys feel reassured that if she takes it slow with them that that's her normal style with all men. Maybe true maybe false. Some guys can relate to phineas's experiences. I'll take my chances with her enthusiasm.
fitnessfan365 Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 And this is very frustrating, but oh so hot from a woman's perspective. But FitnessFan is right. We get pursued by a lot of men who mention in their profiles they are looking for something serious, but within a message or two is asking how many partners you have had and instantly wants to feel how soft or firm my bed is (both happened this week with men from Match (not Tinder)). So when a man shows restraint but yet some aggressiveness, it makes my blood boil and feel desired. And feeling desired is great! Your reaction is very hot. It's funny though because my sex drive and will power are equally strong. So no matter how turned on I get or worked up I get her, I can always reel myself back in. But being a guy is hard in the beginning. You have to toe that fine line between confident sexual assertiveness/dominance and restraint/respect. It's taken me years of trial and error to finally have a handle on it.
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