A.Matos91 Posted June 24, 2015 Posted June 24, 2015 (edited) Well yesterday, we had a heated argument and her stupid father punched me first so I ended up punching him back, harder and busted his lip a bit. Even thought we've been dating for nearly 2 years now, her father never liked me from the start and always has been disrespectful. This time, he overdid it by punching me. What did he thought, that I was going to stand there and continue being disrespected? Mind you but this guy isn't old nor weak either. According to my gf, he became a father when he was a 17 year-old senior in HS (my gf is his first and only child) so that's still a young guy. Plus he's only less than an inch shorter than me, I'm 6'3 and even heavier than me. That's fair game to me. It's too bad for him that I'm a good fighter too and not scared of him. Thing is my gf was right there and is shocked. She hasn't talk to me all day long and there was also another family member that still said I should have walk away. Seriously didn't this guy deserve it? If it's someone on my same level in both strength and size (or more), I think it's fair. This ain't some old man in his 70's, nor your average woman nor even a weak small man, this is a fit man and a total jerk. Edited June 24, 2015 by A.Matos91
wizer Posted June 24, 2015 Posted June 24, 2015 I'm not seeing this relationship working out, sorry. 10
Author A.Matos91 Posted June 24, 2015 Author Posted June 24, 2015 I'm not seeing this relationship working out, sorry.It would be the jerk of her father's fault. I've been very tolerant until he decided to throw the first punch.
wizer Posted June 24, 2015 Posted June 24, 2015 Ok it's his fault but you lose your girlfriend. Who wins? 2
Author A.Matos91 Posted June 24, 2015 Author Posted June 24, 2015 What led up to the punches?Same argument with his sarcastic comments about how I'll never be good enough and giving me the speech that he's on the lookout if I play with his daughter's feeling, yada, yada. I had it and told him that the only one who gets to decide if she wants to continue being with me and is an adult who can make her own decisions is his daughter and added ''Well maybe you should tell your daughter not to visit my house either'' and explained that it takes two to be in a relationship. At one time he called me stupid. This is when I said like ''Listen mister, I'll continue dating your daughter, you ain't no one to respect me. You're calling me stupid, well you're a stupid ****head too''. I off course pissed off at this moment and didn't care about insulting him for the first time after being tolerant for so long. This is when he punched me and I punched him back. 1
Author A.Matos91 Posted June 24, 2015 Author Posted June 24, 2015 Ok it's his fault but you lose your girlfriend. Who wins?That would suck. Such a beautiful relationship, both of us are career-minded and have a lot in common but this jerk ruins it all. 1
Author A.Matos91 Posted June 24, 2015 Author Posted June 24, 2015 So it's still somewhat my fault and I should have kept tolerating his disrespectful attitude towards me and not argue back? He got all the change to be rude and insult me for so long. I only snapped back just this time. 1
elaine567 Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 I think she'll see that as your fault. YOU disrespected her father enough that he felt he had to hit you, and then YOU punched him back. Her father is her father and YOU, well I am not too sure what you are any more.. I guess she knows her father is a jerk and a hot head, but I also guess she perhaps doesn't want to repeat history, by marrying one too. 9
wizer Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 So it's still somewhat my fault and I should have kept tolerating his disrespectful attitude towards me and not argue back? I think you're getting it! Too late for this one but just maybe you'll avoid slinging punches with the father of your next girlfriend. 5
johan Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 A couple of lessons maybe you can learn from this: 1) You don't get violent with any member of your woman's family for any reason ever. 2) You don't stay with a woman whose family threatens you with violence or attacks you. In either case, it's just a bad situation and is unlikely to ever work out in your favor. 13
Satu Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 When face to face with someone who's trying to provoke you, the best policy is to be ruthlessly civil. Then you get to walk away with your dignity intact and visible. Restraint inspires respect. I know that its easier to say that than it is to do it, but I think you get my point. It would have been better to walk away before things escalated. There's something sad and disappointing about people who rise to provocation. Learn how not to. Its worth the effort. Take care. 9
Clarence_Boddicker Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 "Her father jumped up and he started to shout So I threw a right-cross and knocked his old a$$ out." You have a right to defend yourself. You could have also sent him to jail for A&B, especially if he's got a record. Why does your gf live at home & not with you? 2
jen1447 Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 Someone had to be looking for a fight if there was a fight. Was it him, you, or both? Or was it your GF? 2
preraph Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 You should have held your temper and deferred to the father as much as possible just to keep the peace. But that said, you cannot be expected to let someone hit you like that. However, the other option you could have used is to call the police. Yes, they would have done nothing in the end, but it would have sent him the message you will call them ever time he contemplates violence with you. If there's a next time, call the police on him. Your girlfriend is going to stick with her family. You're probably going to lose her over this. She is probably mad you didn't hold your temper. I know everyone has their limits, but when it's that bad, best to just stay away. Hope it blows over, but I wouldn't count on it.
Author A.Matos91 Posted June 25, 2015 Author Posted June 25, 2015 A couple of lessons maybe you can learn from this: 1) You don't get violent with any member of your woman's family for any reason ever. 2) You don't stay with a woman whose family threatens you with violence or attacks you. In either case, it's just a bad situation and is unlikely to ever work out in your favor.It was indeed a bad situation from the start. The only reason I even put up with this for so long is because I love my gf. I'll try to speak with her when she's more calmer though. 1
Author A.Matos91 Posted June 25, 2015 Author Posted June 25, 2015 "Her father jumped up and he started to shout So I threw a right-cross and knocked his old a$$ out." You have a right to defend yourself. You could have also sent him to jail for A&B, especially if he's got a record. Why does your gf live at home & not with you?My gf is currently a college student but it's her father that pays for her education. She needs 2 years left to finish college. 1
Author A.Matos91 Posted June 25, 2015 Author Posted June 25, 2015 Someone had to be looking for a fight if there was a fight. Was it him, you, or both? Or was it your GF?I admit it was both of us. Yes, he's a jerk but this was the time I argued back and got him more upset, thus leading to the fight. 1
LuckyLady13 Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 You shouldn't have argued with him. You have to realize that this is her father. He's looking out for her and that's his job. You escalated things by arguing with him. You could've just let it go. Your girlfriend knew you so you didn't have to argue with the guy to prove any points. Even if your girlfriend forgives you, you'll have to live with this. 6
Satu Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 (edited) I admit it was both of us. Yes, he's a jerk but this was the time I argued back and got him more upset, thus leading to the fight. If you learn from it, it's not a total loss. If you ever find yourself in a similar situation again with someone, withdraw your participation in what is happening. Edited June 25, 2015 by Satu 2
Ninjainpajamas Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 (edited) He really crossed the line by punching you, but you had a real chance to show him what kind of man you were by not fighting him back...that would have been hugely humiliating for him, instead you joined his thug level and showed him you were both on equal footing, even if he was the one instigating all the fights. This is not just any ordinary guy, I'm a fighter myself and I'll bust someones face in a blink of an eye for punching me, no need to phone the police I'd rather take the fight personally. In this situation however, this was really the wrong call...you've got to show more restraint than this, especially when being provoked. I've taken punches to the face myself, and even as a fighter I just stood there and took the punch stone faced, looked at the guy and gave him a look like "are you serious?" because I know I can open a can of whoop-@ss, but if I know the guy, and I know that I could destroy him then I'm not going to do it and I'm going to recognize the consequences of doing so...I will not be provoked and fall into a trap. This is your GF's father, it doesn't really get any closer than that. Should you tolerate him being a douchebag? no, but why doesn't the guy like you in the first place, have you ever tried approaching him like a man and having a one on one conversation...if you're not scared of him then why not engage him privately and sit down and have a conversation about this? sometimes you need to earn respect through diplomatic channels, because really fighting this guy is a lose lose and I'm sure you could whip this guy, he may not be a slouch or a slob but he's not your age and I'm sure you'd get the best of him in end unless he's some ex-boxer/mma fighter. Remember, you have nothing to prove by fighting him. Now things need to cool off, maybe this was a breaking point that needed to be reached..maybe you guys have more in common with each other than you think and maybe that's why you're bumping heads, maybe you remind him of the guy he is or used to be...just realize this is his daughter and if the guy is protective you're not going to get away with knocking the guy out and calling it a day. There is no solution through combat that will resolve this conflict, you've got to be the bigger man sometimes, even when younger, to make amends and show good faith and will. Show courage, resilience and humbleness why he can only show abusive behavior. You've got to the things he cannot, that's how you make this guy feel like the @sshole he is...you've got to apologize or make things right, but first things need to cool off. Your GF is in a difficult position, and you don't want to give her that difficult choice to make, don't make her choose between her dad and her BF, that is not the way to go...make a gesture of some kind after things simmer down and talk to the dad about this, don't be a hard ass over it...and tell him that you felt and always feel disrespected and that's why you crossed the line, but admit your fault and don't just be a man that can throw a punch but one that can take one too. Pride in the end, often leads to nowhere. Edited June 25, 2015 by Ninjainpajamas 4
TunaCat Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 If anyone EVER hit any member of my family, we'd be broken up so fast his head would be spinning. I don't care that he hit you. That was YOUR moment to show your maturity and you screwed it up royally by not just walking away and not letting his *******-ness affect you. 2
WomenWubber Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 You were doing so well, until you punched the jerk. Bad news. You probably won't be allowed in the house anymore and your gf is going to dump you. The good news are, maybe that would be the best course of events for you. That family has serious issues you may not want to deal with. 2
Radu Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 It would be the jerk of her father's fault. I've been very tolerant until he decided to throw the first punch. No, it's your fault too, weather you like it or not. Most ppl do not go for violence in the family, nor do they throw punches at the dinner table [or whatever even/situation that was]. Most ppl remove themselves from that kind of a situation, not escalate it. 2
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