lovesick3 Posted June 24, 2015 Posted June 24, 2015 I was "seeing" this girl for about 3 to 4 months and we got really close in a short period of time. We weren't friends at first but just hooked up one night. Things went by fast and we started hanging out more and more. Everything was going smoothly until we started getting into little fights every week. I wanted to end whatever was going on about 3 times before and told her but I didn't want to lose what we had so kept coming back. She didn't want to end things either as she got annoyed every time i would try to leave. I loved spending time with her but she wasn't ready to commit and she explained to me that she had things happen to her in her early teens that she still finds damaging and she is 25 now. She would act great when we were alone and together but again didn't want anybody finding out because she claims she didn't like to have people all up in her business because of the things in her past. She finally ended things after I blew up on her on a drunken night. I felt it was built up anger and I knew i was definitely in the wrong. I apologized for days and she forgave me but said that she wants nothing more than friendship. I told her Id be cool with that but then said I felt nothing for her anymore as she left me at my weakest. Was I expecting too much from this person and was wrong to blow up? I still would want to be with her but is it worth it? Should I keep trying to win her back because I was the one who messed up here or should I just give her some space and not contact her?
ExpatInItaly Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 Too much drama for such a short period. This suggests it's not going to work out, especially since she told you she won't commit. It's not worth pursuing again. But for the sake of discussion, a couple questions: 1) What are these issues from her past that prevent her from telling people about the two of you? That doesn't make a lot of sense to me. 2) What happened when you "blew up" at her? What did you say or do?
Author lovesick3 Posted June 25, 2015 Author Posted June 25, 2015 She was cheated on repeatedly but this was when she was in high school. And when I blew up I was drunk but said mean things to her and also broke the screen on her phone. I know its bad and I don't blame her for being scared and wanting to end things, but was this fixable?
wizer Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 she doesnt want to be any more than just friends. She told you that. So what's with all this "should I try to win her back" nonsense? She's not some sort of carnival toy. If you can't just be her friend then please leae her alone. And spend some time on your anger management issues. 1
Author lovesick3 Posted June 25, 2015 Author Posted June 25, 2015 I know that would be the best thing to do, but is it right? I care about the girl a lot and she felt the same way until this fight which was all my fault. Wouldn't she want me to try make things right and show some effort instead of just disappearing from her life? I know I shouldn't chase her but I'm the one who messed things up.
wizer Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 Yes it's right. You messed up, she left. If she decides to forgive you then she'll come knocking. Until and unless that happens, please just leave her alone as she requested.
PaperCrane Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 Just tell her you're sorry. Be honest. But you should walk away. You both won't know each others real value to each other if you don't have some time without interacting with each other.
wizer Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 Just tell her you're sorry. Be honest. He already apologized to her. For DAYS. Just leave her alone. 2
PaperCrane Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 Eh, I ran out of mental breath reading the block of text. Re-read it and saw it. So yeah, what wizer said. 1
Author lovesick3 Posted June 25, 2015 Author Posted June 25, 2015 Thanks. I'm definitely going to take this advice and leave her alone and try to move on. Now I know if I go into NC and she doesn't contact me I should see it as she really doesn't want anything. But she is the type to not hit me up first and wants the guy to show effort. Seeing that I also told her I lost any feelings I had for her a week after breakup (which I said in the heat of the moment) would it still seem desperate and needy if I break NC first if i still want her back? If I should break NC should it be after 2 weeks since we only had 3 months into the relationship? I feel if I leave her alone for too long any chance of me getting her back would be gone.
kasop Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 Its tough to accept that things went wrong and mistakes were made. Ive been in similar situations. U have to have self control and say enough is enough. The damage is done. The more u try to "win her back" after she has allready told you what she wants is only going to upset her. Like wizer said.. leave her alone and move on. Goodluck
kasop Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 Thanks. I'm definitely going to take this advice and leave her alone and try to move on. Now I know if I go into NC and she doesn't contact me I should see it as she really doesn't want anything. But she is the type to not hit me up first and wants the guy to show effort. Seeing that I also told her I lost any feelings I had for her a week after breakup (which I said in the heat of the moment) would it still seem desperate and needy if I break NC first if i still want her back? If I should break NC should it be after 2 weeks since we only had 3 months into the relationship? I feel if I leave her alone for too long any chance of me getting her back would be gone. No go into nc for yourself. Its not a tool to win someone back. Its for you to move on and learn. It'll be hard sense you are so attached but you have to see it for what it is. A failed relationship. I know these arent the things u want to hear. I am sorry buddy but i said some of the same things after my b/u so i can relate to how you feel.
Tater Salad Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 "If she's amazing, she won't be easy. If she's easy, she won't be amazing." (Bob Marley) You hooked up one night. In my experience, the easy ones are low quality, and eventually hurt you. I could be wrong, but I'm not. Go find a girl that makes you work for it.
joseb Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 she doesnt want to be any more than just friends. She told you that. So what's with all this "should I try to win her back" nonsense? She's not some sort of carnival toy. If you can't just be her friend then please leae her alone. And spend some time on your anger management issues. Good advice above. And as to breaking her phone, that's really not on. The relationship is over. Accept it. Try to learn from it.
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