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Could being seen as an A-hole but deep down a good man work?

Krieger

By Krieger
in General Relationship Discussion

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Krieger Established Member

Krieger

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The question is could a guy be viewed as an A hole but deep down is a good person .

 

It seems that what woman want a guy the an A-hole .I do not care what other people think about me. Also I do not take crap from people , and do not let people walk all over me.

 

I can careless if woman like me if i die alone so be it . Next i put my self first becuses I have too , and tired of think about other people when no one ever thinks of me.

 

I am what you call a true nonconformist does what they want to do and not what other people want them to do. A non-conformist is somebody whos stands up for what they believe despite what anyone thinks.

 

Next I call people out on the BS and dream one day about being an elitists.

 

On the other hand I do thing for people when no one is watching . I do not see myself as great but just doing what an other person would do.

 

I am not a hey every one look at me look at all the good things I do or have done kind of guy. that is classless IMO no one cares about you or me.

 

So if I were to be seen as an A-hole by woman and other people but had a career that I could not be an A-hole I could be my real self like a nures at a children's hospital .

  • Like 1
Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

Posted
Posted
The question is could a guy be viewed as an A hole but deep down is a good person .

 

It seems that what woman want a guy the an A-hole .I do not care what other people think about me. Also I do not take crap from people , and do not let people walk all over me.

 

I can careless if woman like me if i die alone so be it . Next i put my self first becuses I have too , and tired of think about other people when no one ever thinks of me.

 

I am what you call a true nonconformist does what they want to do and not what other people want them to do. A non-conformist is somebody whos stands up for what they believe despite what anyone thinks.

 

Next I call people out on the BS and dream one day about being an elitists.

 

On the other hand I do thing for people when no one is watching . I do not see myself as great but just doing what an other person would do.

 

I am not a hey every one look at me look at all the good things I do or have done kind of guy. that is classless IMO no one cares about you or me.

 

So if I were to be seen as an A-hole by woman and other people but had a career that I could not be an A-hole I could be my real self like a nures at a children's hospital .

 

If you are being "seen" as an a-hole on the surface, a woman isn't going to bother to try to get to know you on a deeper level.

 

If you mean by a-hole that you are strong, secure, independent, intelligent, stable, fun and mature, they'll take the time to see if you are also kind, considerate, respectful, tender, loving, caring, supportive, etc.

 

And sure, there are guys who appear to be *******s but on the inside are good people, but if they are being *******s on the outside, they aren't being themselves and hiding behind that facade for some reason.

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preraph Established Member

preraph

Posted
Posted

Sounds like all that means you're not flexible but consider yourself a good person except when it comes to trying to get along with people. Make no mistake, politics is a big part of keeping a job and it's very political in hospitals, so not sure they'd keep an inflexible a-hole nurse around, but there surely must be exceptions. I would think the best thing is to try to find people who mostly agree with you, but you won't learn much that way. It's never okay to just be abrasive to people. It's fine to say your opinion, if anyone wants to know, but it won't make much impact if it's coming from a person they basically don't like because already they have no credence. So why would they want to take your opinion seriously?

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loveweary11 Established Member

loveweary11

Posted
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You're starting to over think, man.

 

You are already on the right track in every way, from what you post.

 

Don't mess it up by trying things like this. It won't get you anyone worth keeping.

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Krieger Established Member

Krieger

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If you are being "seen" as an a-hole on the surface, a woman isn't going to bother to try to get to know you on a deeper level.

 

If you mean by a-hole that you are strong, secure, independent, intelligent, stable, fun and mature, they'll take the time to see if you are also kind, considerate, respectful, tender, loving, caring, supportive, etc.

And sure, there are guys who appear to be *******s but on the inside are good people, but if they are being *******s on the outside, they aren't being themselves and hiding behind that facade for some reason.

 

That is what I meant I hate it when people say I am nice. It is annoying when woman confuse being a good guy with been nice guy to gain something .

 

Good guys are seen as boring and lame some times.

 

This is a good read : The 5 Bad Boy Traits Nice Guys Should Adopt

The 5 Bad Boy Traits Nice Guys Should Adopt

 

8 Super Tips For Instant Bad Boy Sex Appeal 8 Super Tips For Instant Bad Boy Sex Appeal [Nice Guys Only]

  • Like 1
fitnessfan365 Established Member

fitnessfan365

Posted
Posted

This is already like the third or fourth thread you've made about women wanting an a**hole. The best thing you can do is just keep being yourself and don't over think so much.

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Krieger Established Member

Krieger

Posted
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You're starting to over think, man.

 

You are already on the right track in every way, from what you post.

 

Don't mess it up by trying things like this. It won't get you anyone worth keeping.

 

 

It is just frustrating I can not be my self around some woman now days.

 

I put a lot of pride in passion into my work and get mad at myself if it do not do a good job.

 

That being said I am in touch with my emotions and cant show them to woman until I can trust her .

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Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

Posted
Posted
That is what I meant I hate it when people say I am nice. It is annoying when woman confuse being a good guy with been nice guy to gain something .

 

Good guys are seen as boring and lame some times.

 

This is a good read : The 5 Bad Boy Traits Nice Guys Should Adopt

The 5 Bad Boy Traits Nice Guys Should Adopt

 

8 Super Tips For Instant Bad Boy Sex Appeal 8 Super Tips For Instant Bad Boy Sex Appeal [Nice Guys Only]

 

Good guys are seen as boring and lame some times. -- Maybe SOMETIMES BY SOME WOMEN not all of them. Don't try to change yourself or how you are viewed to accommodate some women. Be yourself always. You'll attract someone who likes you just the way you are.

 

A man can and should be a nice/good guy and they don't have to allow themselves to be taken advantage of. Being a nice/good guy doesn't mean they can't be assertive and unaccommodating when a woman expects too much.

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carhill Established Member

carhill

Posted
Posted
The question is could a guy be viewed as an A hole but deep down is a good person .

 

Short of twisting oneself into a pretzel of supplication, with billions of people in the world, it's inevitable that some, or even many, will perceive any one man as an @sshole. The work is to live one's life by one's own standards and ethics and let the chips fall where they may. The 'good' comes from within and is validated from within. There aren't any rewards for either perception at the end, so live in the now.

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Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

Posted
Posted
Short of twisting oneself into a pretzel of supplication, with billions of people in the world, it's inevitable that some, or even many, will perceive any one man as an @sshole. The work is to live one's life by one's own standards and ethics and let the chips fall where they may. The 'good' comes from within and is validated from within. There aren't any rewards for either perception at the end, so live in the now.

 

Some women think ALL men are *******s and some men think ALL women are bitches. Nobody wants either of them :)

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Krieger Established Member

Krieger

Posted
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Short of twisting oneself into a pretzel of supplication, with billions of people in the world, it's inevitable that some, or even many, will perceive any one man as an @sshole. The work is to live one's life by one's own standards and ethics and let the chips fall where they may. The 'good' comes from within and is validated from within. There aren't any rewards for either perception at the end, so live in the now.

 

 

Letting woman see the real my is scary what will she think.

  • Like 1
carhill Established Member

carhill

Posted
Posted
Letting woman see the real my is scary what will she think.

Care less about what she thinks and more about validating yourself internally. You'll be bombarded with 'what she thinks' throughout life. There's only one you and you'll never be as important to anyone as you are to yourself. If you have to work at being seen as an @sshole, try something else you don't have to work at. Instead of black (@sshole) and white (good) see more gray in life.

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jen1447 Established Member

jen1447

Posted
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Could being seen as an A-hole but deep down a good man work?

You wouldn't be able to pull off the subterfuge.

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autumnnight Established Member

autumnnight

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It is just frustrating I can not be my self around some woman now days.

 

I put a lot of pride in passion into my work and get mad at myself if it do not do a good job.

 

That being said I am in touch with my emotions and cant show them to woman until I can trust her .

 

You touched on a good point that I think all people under 30 should know. It's a deep dark secret....

 

 

There have ALWAYS been men and women that people couldn't be themselves around. Since there were more than 10 people on the planet, there were at least some of them that others couldn't be themselves around. It's called life.

 

These are not new problems. You aren't going to gel with every woman (or man). Not every woman (or man) is going to want you. In fact - and this is really deep - most of them WON'T.

 

That is why in the days before PC and trophies just for showing up, when a man/woman realized that they couldn't be themselves or be appreciated around a certain woman/man....they just found someone else. They didn't whine. They didn't start venting groups. They didn't start a "movement." They just moved on.

 

And in answer to your original question....no, no woman worth having (that is, if the body parts are not the only thing that matter) is going to want to be with an a-hole.

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Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

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Letting woman see the real my is scary what will she think.

 

Now, we are getting somewhere :) What is it about yourself that you don't like? Is there something that you don't like about yourself and you think she won't like either?

 

Fear does not control me, I face it so as to control it . . .

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GorillaTheater Established Member

GorillaTheater

Posted
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Letting woman see the real my is scary what will she think.

 

Unless you're into some really weird sh*t, I doubt that you have much to worry about. We all have our quirks, and believe it or not there are quite a few women who will find those quirks endearing.

 

Besides, an a-hole wouldn't possibly give a sh*t what they think, anyways.

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Krieger Established Member

Krieger

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Care less about what she thinks and more about validating yourself internally. You'll be bombarded with 'what she thinks' throughout life. There's only one you and you'll never be as important to anyone as you are to yourself. If you have to work at being seen as an @sshole, try something else you don't have to work at. Instead of black (@sshole) and white (good) see more gray in life.

 

I know i should not care it is hard to do some times. When I get to know a girl I have to feel comfortable opening up with my feelings.

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guest569 Established Member

guest569

Posted
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Someone that deliberately attempts to be an ahole is the biggest ahole of all

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carhill Established Member

carhill

Posted
Posted
I know i should not care it is hard to do some times. When I get to know a girl I have to feel comfortable opening up with my feelings.

IMO, try to think of it as a healthy level of care rather than 'not care'; it's not all or nothing, rather a continuum. If you wish, care less along a continuum to care more, with milestones or signposts along the way, indicating intimacy, trust, and mutually demonstrated care.

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Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

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I know i should not care it is hard to do some times. When I get to know a girl I have to feel comfortable opening up with my feelings.

 

Of course, you need to be comfortable enough to do that and that's part of the process of dating. Getting to know one another well enough and to the point where it does become more comfortable at least. But, you need to make her feel comfortable as well. When you're holding back too much and not being natural, she's sensing that. You gotta give a little to get a little (and I don't mean sex :). You can't be completely closed off.

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katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

Posted
Posted (edited)
I know i should not care it is hard to do some times. When I get to know a girl I have to feel comfortable opening up with my feelings.

 

 

Hey Krieger....no one is saying you have to "open up with your feelings."

 

In fact in the early stages it's recommended that you DON'T do that. It's too soon.

 

BE CONSISTENT! Show her how much you like her through YOUR ACTIONS!

 

Call her up, ask her out and then take her out. NOT too much, maybe once a week for the first few weeks, then twice a week.

 

Kiss her when you think it's appropriate....show physical affection (assuming you are attracted to her)...but ALSO pay attention to how SHE is responding too..

 

If you see signs she is a flake, breaks dates or whatevs....stop dating her!

 

Once you are exclusive and in a relationship, and you TRUST HER...."then" you can open up about your feelings....

 

But that takes time...DON'T rush it. :)

Edited by katiegrl
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Krieger Established Member

Krieger

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Now, we are getting somewhere :) What is it about yourself that you don't like? Is there something that you don't like about yourself and you think she won't like either?

 

Fear does not control me, I face it so as to control it . . .

 

Well I i wear my heart on my sleeve and wish I did not.

 

Also I take pride and am passionate about my work even if it a dead end retail job. I even get mad at coworkers when there not doing there job or seem to careless about it.

 

I am at the point know if I was dating a girl and we both said the I love to each other I know dam well once I got alone I will cry / shed a few tears happiness but will not do it in front of her she think I am weak.

 

I would be scared to cry in front of her like if we just got done having passionate sex I know I might cry because I am happy .

 

Seeing that I want to getting to nursing I know there are going to be time i am going to cry but I will do it in private it would not be so much as the person died but I would feel like a failure and I let them down.

 

If I work at a children's hospital you can guarantee at some point i will feel so sad I will cry there is only so much sadness one can see in a day.

 

For the record I do not cry over stupid stuff that is lame .

 

most of my coworkers are young 18-20 years of age and I take pride in taking them under my wing because they never had a dad in there life or big brother to show them things . They come to me for advice and I am glade to help them out or find out some that can.

  • Like 1
katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

Posted
Posted
Well I i wear my heart on my sleeve and wish I did not.

 

Also I take pride and am passionate about my work even if it a dead end retail job. I even get mad at coworkers when there not doing there job or seem to careless about it.

 

I am at the point know if I was dating a girl and we both said the I love to each other I know dam well once I got alone I will cry / shed a few tears happiness but will not do it in front of her she think I am weak.

 

I would be scared to cry in front of her like if we just got done having passionate sex I know I might cry because I am happy .

 

Seeing that I want to getting to nursing I know there are going to be time i am going to cry but I will do it in private it would not be so much as the person died but I would feel like a failure and I let them down.

 

If I work at a children's hospital you can guarantee at some point i will feel so sad I will cry there is only so much sadness one can see in a day.

 

For the record I do not cry over stupid stuff that is lame .

 

most of my coworkers are young 18-20 years of age and I take pride in taking them under my wing because they never had a dad in there life or big brother to show them things . They come to me for advice and I am glade to help them out or find out some that can.

 

 

 

Krieger...I hope you don't take offense to this but... there is a great book you may want to read called "The Highly Sensitive Person's Survival Guide (Essential Skills for Living Well in an Overstimulated World)," by Ted Zeff, Ph.D.

 

I am highly sensitive also (probably never know it based on my posts here...lol) but I am.

 

The booked has helped me A LOT.

 

Good luck...

  • Like 2
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Krieger Established Member

Krieger

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Hey Krieger....no one is saying you have to "open up with your feelings."

 

In fact in the early stages it's recommended that you DON'T do that. It's too soon.

 

BE CONSISTENT! Show her how much you like her through YOUR ACTIONS!

 

Call her up, ask her out and then take her out. NOT too much, maybe once a week for the first few weeks, then twice a week.

 

Kiss her when you think it's appropriate....show physical affection (assuming you are attracted to her)...but ALSO pay attention to how SHE is responding too..

 

If you see signs she is a flake, breaks dates or whatevs....stop dating her!

 

Once you are exclusive and in a relationship, and you TRUST HER...."then" you can open up about your feelings....

 

But that takes time...DON'T rush it. :)

 

 

Yea i know not to up front with my feeling I was taking about down the road .

 

I am So full of action, my name should have be a verb :cool::cool::D.

  • Like 1
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Krieger Established Member

Krieger

Posted
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Posted
Krieger...I hope you don't take offense to this but... there is a great book you may want to read called "The Highly Sensitive Person's Survival Guide (Essential Skills for Living Well in an Overstimulated World)," by Ted Zeff, Ph.D.

 

I am highly sensitive also (probably never know it based on my posts here...lol) but I am.

 

The booked has helped me A LOT.

 

Good luck...

 

I will look in to that thanks :cool::cool:

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