ChristineQ Posted June 24, 2015 Posted June 24, 2015 Okay so my boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and 2 months now and we both love each other and are pretty serious.. so I hope to think. In the beginning of our relationship I used to have my own place and we were long distance, so he would come down and usually spent up to a week with me at my place. I now live in the next city from him which is maybe a 15-20 minute drive. He always brings up the fact that I'm "needy" or expect too much from him when I want to see him more than just spending two days on the weekends at his house. He thinks anything more than 2 times a week is "excessive".. am I wrong for wanting to spend more time with him after being together for so long? He sent me a text saying exactly this today, "Why should it be everyday that's not normal. It's a bit excessive to see each other 3-4 times a week.. that's more than half of the week. It's normal to want to but not normal to actually see more than that often unless you live together." We used to want to spend so much time together up until 3 months or so ago.. Another thing is the fact that whenever I do go to his house, he always just sits on his computer while I'm sitting bored as hell on his bed, and the other day we got into a huge fight because I asked him to come cuddle me for 5 seconds lol. I don't know what to do because he always calls me clingy and it makes me feel so insecure.. :/
StalwartMind Posted June 24, 2015 Posted June 24, 2015 There's nothing wrong with what you or your boyfriend want. Everyone have needs that are different. He clearly feels it's too much, but someone else will think otherwise. The important bit is to understand each other, and if you can come to some agreement where you both feel like your needs are being met, then things will be smoother. Perhaps he can pay you more and better attention when you actually are together, and at the same time maybe you will find it to be sufficient for now. Needs and behavior change, both with age as well as what type of environment and situation you find yourself in. It may be hard to accept this, but people want what they want. You can only put up or accept things to a certain degree, before change needs to happen. All relationships offer challenges such as this, what matters is that you are comfortable and happy. 1
Author ChristineQ Posted June 24, 2015 Author Posted June 24, 2015 Thank you for your reply, yeah I definitely think we need to sort something out and talk about it furthermore. I guess in previous relationships I was used to seeing them almost everyday, things have to change.
Redhead14 Posted June 24, 2015 Posted June 24, 2015 Okay so my boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and 2 months now and we both love each other and are pretty serious.. so I hope to think. In the beginning of our relationship I used to have my own place and we were long distance, so he would come down and usually spent up to a week with me at my place. I now live in the next city from him which is maybe a 15-20 minute drive. He always brings up the fact that I'm "needy" or expect too much from him when I want to see him more than just spending two days on the weekends at his house. He thinks anything more than 2 times a week is "excessive".. am I wrong for wanting to spend more time with him after being together for so long? He sent me a text saying exactly this today, "Why should it be everyday that's not normal. It's a bit excessive to see each other 3-4 times a week.. that's more than half of the week. It's normal to want to but not normal to actually see more than that often unless you live together." We used to want to spend so much time together up until 3 months or so ago.. Another thing is the fact that whenever I do go to his house, he always just sits on his computer while I'm sitting bored as hell on his bed, and the other day we got into a huge fight because I asked him to come cuddle me for 5 seconds lol. I don't know what to do because he always calls me clingy and it makes me feel so insecure.. :/ His needs are different than yours, that's all. When your needs aren't being met and your partner doesn't want to or try to accommodate them in some way, it's time to move on. He would spent a week at your place, but you can only spend 2 days a week at his place? That's odd too. 1
Emilia Posted June 24, 2015 Posted June 24, 2015 I think people who find long distance set ups acceptable tend to have intimacy issues. Not always, but often. Maybe he doesn't want something 'real'
smackie9 Posted June 24, 2015 Posted June 24, 2015 in previous relationships I was used to seeing them almost everyday, things have to change. there's a reason why....because you were more compatible with your previous bfs. Expectations are expectations, if you want to see him more, and he is calling you clingy for it, then you two have very different views about relationships and you are not compatible. Or the fact he could be taking his time up with someone else (always a possibility). Don't expect him to change his views on this, but you shouldn't have to either. IMO if a guy is really into you, he would want you to be a part of his life, go shopping with you, help you out around the house, hang out with friends together, generally want to spend time together even doing mundane things, am I right? I had a BF that was like this....I felt I was just an accessory, not a GF. After 3 weeks I dumped him.
Author ChristineQ Posted June 24, 2015 Author Posted June 24, 2015 I think people who find long distance set ups acceptable tend to have intimacy issues. Not always, but often. Maybe he doesn't want something 'real' Well, I mean we only get really intimate once a week.. sometimes every other week lol. I have a huge libido and he doesn't anymore, he used to want it just as much as me but it's not often now. Plus, he can never finish me off.. and gets mad when I get upset that he doesn't want to after he does. So that's also a huge problem...
Author ChristineQ Posted June 24, 2015 Author Posted June 24, 2015 there's a reason why....because you were more compatible with your previous bfs. Expectations are expectations, if you want to see him more, and he is calling you clingy for it, then you two have very different views about relationships and you are not compatible. Or the fact he could be taking his time up with someone else (always a possibility). Don't expect him to change his views on this, but you shouldn't have to either. IMO if a guy is really into you, he would want you to be a part of his life, go shopping with you, help you out around the house, hang out with friends together, generally want to spend time together even doing mundane things, am I right? I had a BF that was like this....I felt I was just an accessory, not a GF. After 3 weeks I dumped him. Yeah, I don't know. Because within the first 6 months it was so different and we were both completely satisfied, fighting a lot kind of ruined it.
smackie9 Posted June 24, 2015 Posted June 24, 2015 Well, I mean we only get really intimate once a week.. sometimes every other week lol. I have a huge libido and he doesn't anymore, he used to want it just as much as me but it's not often now. Plus, he can never finish me off.. and gets mad when I get upset that he doesn't want to after he does. So that's also a huge problem... ????!!!!! well then why the hell are you still with him??? He's pushing away already....he's giving you excuses to breakup with him because he is too much of a coward to do it himself. 1
Emilia Posted June 24, 2015 Posted June 24, 2015 Well, I mean we only get really intimate once a week.. sometimes every other week lol. I have a huge libido and he doesn't anymore, he used to want it just as much as me but it's not often now. Plus, he can never finish me off.. and gets mad when I get upset that he doesn't want to after he does. So that's also a huge problem... So you are with him because........ 2
Popsicle Posted June 24, 2015 Posted June 24, 2015 In general I'd say no. You're just with the wrong man. I am clingy too but Ive always picked men who love it. If a man doesn't like it we won't work. I like a little bit of space though. 1
smackie9 Posted June 24, 2015 Posted June 24, 2015 Yeah, I don't know. Because within the first 6 months it was so different and we were both completely satisfied, fighting a lot kind of ruined it. after 6 months, the honeymoon (infatuation) period is over.
Author ChristineQ Posted June 24, 2015 Author Posted June 24, 2015 ????!!!!! well then why the hell are you still with him??? He's pushing away already....he's giving you excuses to breakup with him because he is too much of a coward to do it himself. Hahaha, you're not the first to say that to be completely honest. I'm seeing him sometime this weekend so I'm gonna sit him down and talk about everything and see how that goes (probably going to be super messy lol).
Author ChristineQ Posted June 24, 2015 Author Posted June 24, 2015 after 6 months, the honeymoon (infatuation) period is over. Oh I know, but I mean even up to just a few months ago it was better than it is now.
preraph Posted June 24, 2015 Posted June 24, 2015 You're not compatible, that's all. I'm in his camp. A couple of days a week having someone around is enough for me. He's doing the ignoring you to make his point he'd rather be doing something else. You can't marry him because living together will only make you fight more since he won't enjoy living with you. So you probably just need to tell him it's not working and start dating someone else. There are plenty of guys who want someone underfoot all the time. He's just an exception.
fitnessfan365 Posted June 24, 2015 Posted June 24, 2015 In the beginning before it starts to get serious, 1-2x a week is pretty standard. However, after you've been together awhile and are committed, it's natural for the frequency to increase IMO. Now I'll be the first to say that I like my independence and don't want or need to see a woman every single day. But there is absolutely nothing wrong with 3-4x a week eventually. Especially if you both have a healthy sex drive. 3
Author ChristineQ Posted June 24, 2015 Author Posted June 24, 2015 In the beginning before it starts to get serious, 1-2x a week is pretty standard. However, after you've been together awhile and are committed, it's natural for the frequency to increase IMO. Now I'll be the first to say that I like my independence and don't want or need to see a woman every single day. But there is absolutely nothing wrong with 3-4x a week eventually. Especially if you both have a healthy sex drive. If you read one of my comments, I stated that that I have a strong libido and he doesn't, and when he finishes, he never wants to finish me off and gets mad at me for getting upset about it. Plus, we usually only get intimate once a week.
fitnessfan365 Posted June 24, 2015 Posted June 24, 2015 If you read one of my comments, I stated that that I have a strong libido and he doesn't, and when he finishes, he never wants to finish me off and gets mad at me for getting upset about it. Plus, we usually only get intimate once a week. Wow.. So the guy barely wants to see you, and when he does, he is lazy in bed on top of it? You poor woman! Break up with the guy. Find a man who appreciates your loyal/genuine nature that also matches your sex drive and knows about foreplay/seduction. You should be having multiples before penetration even happens. 2
Redhead14 Posted June 24, 2015 Posted June 24, 2015 If you read one of my comments, I stated that that I have a strong libido and he doesn't, and when he finishes, he never wants to finish me off and gets mad at me for getting upset about it. Plus, we usually only get intimate once a week. He's a selfish lover on top of everything else . . . he's got nuttin' going for him except YOU. YOU deserve everything. 1
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