Happines Posted June 24, 2015 Posted June 24, 2015 Hi guys, I posted earlier in the week about my break up after 2 years of relationship...boyfriend did many silly things however said that after I move out he will seek help and will do all it takes to make us work however it's been nearly 3 weeks after my move out and he didn't even contact me and it looks like he no longer cares. I went a week ago to pick my costs and etc and he didn't even let me in and gave some lame excuse... Now I wanted to mention that he's been taking antidepressants for 4 months or so...since then he changed a lot towards me...and as well changed like a person as well...started liking partying witch he never did and just wanted to chat with all the girls possible and etc... Now the question is...can person stop loving you and caring about you due to antidepressants? And could that b the reason he is not even bothered I left even know he kept telling me I mean the world for him?
erklat Posted June 24, 2015 Posted June 24, 2015 No. I am two years since the BU and on SSRIs for a bit longer and I still care for how I felt with her. ADs just make the pain bearable. 1
Author Happines Posted June 24, 2015 Author Posted June 24, 2015 Thanks a lot that's what my friend told me but I think I am just trying to find an explanation why doesn't he care and moved on so fast after telling me he will do all it takes to make us work and for me to see his regret its good to hear from someone that is actually taking antidepressants
NopeNah Posted June 24, 2015 Posted June 24, 2015 I think it could. Maybe the meds made him start seeing the world in a different direction? By wanting to party and talk to others, shows that he was in an introverted state of mind before the meds, after, he started to see outside the box. 1
Author Happines Posted June 24, 2015 Author Posted June 24, 2015 He was not introverted...he would still go for work drinks and chat with many people but He was not the party person from the start of the relationship because I am a quiet person that prefers dinners or movie night instead so I would of never dated someone who goes drinking and partying few times per week and chatting with all the girls...as I mentioned it only started after he started meds...he became very strange not caring and just looking like he can't b bothered...he told me it's because of meds and he doesn't like the way it makes him feel However I as well thought that maybe meds changed him but after some time I thought maybe it just showed the way he actually is
sober and dry Posted June 24, 2015 Posted June 24, 2015 I'm sorry to say this but it can, to some extend! I have used antidepressants during 1 year of my last LTR and sure it affected my RS very much. It kind of numbed all of my feelings. It didn't erased them, just numbed pretty much every last one of them. But in retrospective I think it also depends on the state/mind of the person. 2
Mrin Posted June 24, 2015 Posted June 24, 2015 Can't really chime in on the AD's but the reason he wouldn't let you in is that he had a woman inside. Or evidence of another woman. Or narcotics sitting in plain sight. Only reason a guy would be all weird about you seeing his place. 1
Author Happines Posted June 25, 2015 Author Posted June 25, 2015 Mrin thank you for your answer...he gave me some lame excuse saying he could bear to see me leaving the flat if I come in because it's hard for him to see me as he misses me and loves me...I asked if he was not alone he said he was totally alone studying...but I totally agree with u I think he had another girl in there already Sober and dry thanks to you as well...since he's been taking those meds it just looks he fallen out of love with me but if it suppresses all the feelings would he just move on to someone else and would totally stop caring about me? I am really confused as I never been in such situation because even after my move out the first few days he was telling me how much he loves me and will do everything it takes to make it work and then just stopped caring in the next two days...I ended the relationship due to his behaviour and not a very nice treatment of me. I really hoped that maybe some time apart (he asked me not to move out) would do us good and he will finally work on his issues but he just disappeared in less then a week and was parting chatting to girls and most likely already seeing one
mightycpa Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 Antidepressants change your MOOD, not your feelings. He may have simply been too weak to end it with you before, and now that the meds have kicked in and done their thing, he has the strength to change the things in his life he needs to change. It might be as simple as you're one of them. You're probably better off without a boyfriend who needs to medicate to stay afloat. Think about it that way. 1
Author Happines Posted June 25, 2015 Author Posted June 25, 2015 I was the one to leave him by moving out. He still asked me to stay saying he will change but even in the first few days of me moving out he did some not very nice things so I told him we should no longer speak So no he didn't break up with me after coming to realisation I was one of the things he need to change...he was saying to me I was all he wanted and will do whatever it takes...then something happened and he completely stopped caring in few days...or maybe he was telling lies to me all along about loving me because I was paying rent for living with him cleaning cooking looking after him when he was ill and that was often so yes it was comfortable and now since I am gone he is not really too bothered
sober and dry Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 Happines, talking from my own experience with AD, it's a sword with double blade. It made me Numb to everything and everyone, so I guess it wouldn't made me leave one person for another. In fact I didn't wanted to be with anyone! The numbing could have helped him to deal with your absence in some way. Be aware of the different between numbing and changing a feeling, this are two very different things! I also remember that being with her while on the Ads was extremely uncomfortable because her presence would make me feel very anxious! 1-Given everything I said about this, remember that I'm talking about my own experience and I really believe that everyone reacts differently to this medications and must importantly, the underlying circumstances in every case of the people that need this kind of medication is obviously different. 2-I don't think that the medication is the source to blame, at least not solely. It may be a part but must probably there are a lot more factors in all that happened. This medications does affect a lot every Rs in a person's life, but it surely isn't the only thing to blame! Either way you shouldn't be thinking in any of this because it's not productive for you at all. 1
Author Happines Posted June 25, 2015 Author Posted June 25, 2015 The worst part is that when he started getting all depressed I was by his side trying to make him feel better trying to make him smile...I would even drag him out of bed on his worst days and make him go and and do things he loved and would tell him that he is my bestest ever...I was the one who told him that maybe he should go and see a doctor who prescribed him medication but he definitely did get happier except things around me got strange he would b very uncaring everything I do would annoy him, if I would tell him that certain things he is doing are not appropriate he would just ignore me or get annoyed with me... I am not really heartbroken it's all over but the way he acted after I left really gutted me because honestly there were times where I helped him shower and go toilet when he was ill and in whole two years I never swore at him never screamed and always tried to n understanding and speak about out issues...and he simply doesn't care...don't get what was the point in saying I mean the world to him and he will do all it takes
sober and dry Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 I get your pain, I really can understand that all... But there's nothing you can do now. I know how stupid this might sound but please try to put all of that behind and move on.
Author Happines Posted June 25, 2015 Author Posted June 25, 2015 I came back from my country today and thought I shall watch some Netflix...me and my ex had an account together when I moved out and he agreed me to use it...it used me b two profiles but today I realised he deleted mine...I guess he is completely moving on Sober and dry I completely agree with u and it's definitely s time tir me to forget it and move on...I think I was just trying to creat some sort of explanation of why he became like that... After all of your advices I sat down today and write down all the bad things he did to me from the start of the relationship and to b honest some of then started as early as 1 month into this relationship and I just chose not to see it because I wanted to believe he loved me and cared for me... I always had a feeling that me moving out will show his true face and his real feelings (because honestly non stop he was saying how much he loved me and I meant the world to him so really got me confused) and it actually did so I should b greatful it happened now not 2 more years later I seen a doctor few days ago so for some herbs and teas and etc to help me cope with the situation as I don't want to take proper medication so fingers crossed I will move on and b happy Thanks a lot guys to all of u for ur advices and sharing your experiences
sober and dry Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 I think that trying to create some sort of explanation is only natural but keep in mind that there will not be a 100% full-proof explanation for this kind of thing nor it will be just one. Anyway you seem to be in the right track so keep on it and surely you will be very happy
Author Happines Posted June 26, 2015 Author Posted June 26, 2015 I am really greatful for your advice I know that if he really loved me he would of never done the things he did neither would he acted so badly and cold after I move out knowing that he promised me he will do all it takes to make it work...he done 0 and it looks that he is already seeing someone...I think he was seeing someone less then a week of my move out...so this means he never cared neither loved me so I should not b thinking about him at all because he doesn't deserve me I think this NC things is helping as well...he is not contacting me I don't contact him either and just try to forget it all I get super sad in the mornings coz I miss the cuddles and the kisses but then I make myself think of how he ended up treating me and then I just jump out of the bed shower and go to work and keep myself busy I really do hope that it won't take super long to get better
aloneinaz Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 I am really greatful for your advice I know that if he really loved me he would of never done the things he did neither would he acted so badly and cold after I move out knowing that he promised me he will do all it takes to make it work...he done 0 and it looks that he is already seeing someone...I think he was seeing someone less then a week of my move out...so this means he never cared neither loved me so I should not b thinking about him at all because he doesn't deserve me He's acting the way most dumped should act (minus being a jerk). If someone breaks up with you, they are saying "I don't want you in my life anymore".. Once dumped, he owes you nothing. Yes, he could have been civil but he was dumped and people do/say things when they were hurt. Give him credit.. He didn't smother you post being dumped, day after day begging for another chance. He accepted it and moved on. This doesn't mean he never loved you, what so ever. It just means "right now" he wants to accept your decision and move forward w/out you. I think this NC things is helping as well...he is not contacting me I don't contact him either and just try to forget it all I get super sad in the mornings coz I miss the cuddles and the kisses but then I make myself think of how he ended up treating me and then I just jump out of the bed shower and go to work and keep myself busy I really do hope that it won't take super long to get better When people end relationships, it cause it isn't working for them. They are not knee jerk reactions. Focus on your future not your past. He's your PAST. If you stay NC and avoid anything of him on social media, you'll recover quicker. Trust me..
Author Happines Posted June 27, 2015 Author Posted June 27, 2015 I broke up with him coz I could not bear anymore The way he was treating me...I stayed with him for two years coz I really loved him loads and he would always have an excuse of why he is acting the way he is...many things were blamed on depression so clearly as a loving partner I tried being by his side tried helping Now me moving out was done because I started feeling that I am becoming more and more depressed as I started feeling lonely and unloved I don't say he was suppose to bag me neither did I ask him to do so...but when u tell someone u love them more then anything and you will seek help and will try to fix things for us to b together I think at least one could try coz otherwise I don't see the reason of saying it at all And as I mentioned earlier I am not sad I moved out or that we broke up what i am sad about that he consistently told me of his love and etc etc and after all I did for him (honestly there were times when he was ill and I was walking him toilet and helping him to shower and etc) he just moved on to someone else within less then a week I am sorry but if u really love someone and u know that u screwed yourself up due to nasty things u did u will not suddenly move on to a new person Plainly i was convenience for him at a time coz I paid rent cooked cleaned looked after him and plus he can't bear being alone and I was there all the time Sometimes when I read these threads dumper is portrayed really badly but in many cases like in mine I had no choice because of the way I was treated and even know I loved this person it came time for me to go...yes I hoped that maybe time apart will give us time to think and realise mistakes that we did and how much we mean for each other...I thought that maybe he will actually seek help and we will both go and see therapist and sort our things out...but I guess that sometimes u need to pay more attention to what people do not what they say and in my case his words that he loves me move then anything in this world and that he never felt about anyone like this before was a total lie and that's why he didn't actually bother of doing anything but instead moved on P.s he knew well that if he will sort his behaviour out I am willing to work on us go together to therapist try to help him fix his constant lieing issue and etc and that's what he said he wanted to do So yes I am hurt that after my move out he just became such a ass But it's alright...I got many advices on this site and my family and friends and realised that he is completely not worth it and not a right person for me yes I still love him but oh well I will get over it
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