xpaperxcutx Posted June 24, 2015 Posted June 24, 2015 I know in my previous posts I stated I was doing okay breaking up with the guy I was dating, but this morning, I find myself somewhat regretting my decision(?) I don't understand why I am flip-flopping. I do like him but I broke up with him out of logic- we were at different stages in life and I wanted him to grow up. Now I'm all emotional and wondering if he is okay, and wondering if I made the right choice. Worst still, I dreamt about him last night. I do not know what is going with me at all. This sucks.
OldSoul86 Posted June 24, 2015 Posted June 24, 2015 I know that feeling all too well. Do you have any friends/family that you can discuss the breakup with? Does anyone else know you and your ex and tell you that you did the right thing? Sometimes it helps just talking to someone else about your thought process and why you left him, while receiving some validation from people who have your best interests at heart. I am a big proponent in following the feelings we have in our gut. I honestly believe that subconsciously, we're very wise beings. I was lucky that I got some validation for leaving my ex (she is being awful to me post breakup: sending me really nasty emails about how she will never feel well again, about how I ruined her life, indirectly blaming me for the mental state she's at etc - after I did my damn best to let her down gently and try my best to give her closure and no hope of reconciliation.) Sometimes we need to be steadfast and stick to our guns - human intuition is a very powerful thing.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted June 24, 2015 Author Posted June 24, 2015 I know that feeling all too well. Do you have any friends/family that you can discuss the breakup with? Does anyone else know you and your ex and tell you that you did the right thing? Sometimes it helps just talking to someone else about your thought process and why you left him, while receiving some validation from people who have your best interests at heart. I am a big proponent in following the feelings we have in our gut. I honestly believe that subconsciously, we're very wise beings. I was lucky that I got some validation for leaving my ex (she is being awful to me post breakup: sending me really nasty emails about how she will never feel well again, about how I ruined her life, indirectly blaming me for the mental state she's at etc - after I did my damn best to let her down gently and try my best to give her closure and no hope of reconciliation.) Sometimes we need to be steadfast and stick to our guns - human intuition is a very powerful thing. Yep, I have spoken to most of my friends and they all think that I made the right decision in following my intuitions. They're so nice about it, but I wonder how much of it is because I'm simply a friend and they have to be empathetic and how much of it is because they really saw it the way I saw it? He was such a nice guy, I really wished I could have made it work with him.
Seeker12 Posted June 24, 2015 Posted June 24, 2015 Papercut you probably have made the right decision, i do think that emotionally you just arent there yet for another relationship its hard, especially after your mention of the 3 year ex that pops up. You probably havent fully recovered from that to be honest. Your emotions are up and down, sometimes youll see that splitting up was the best option, other times youll see it as the wrong choice. You are being influenced at least to an extent by your emotions, your friends wont be, so their input is valuable. The dreams are just your emotions they will eventually go, your mind is again processing the break up and depending on how well youve healed from other breakups itll do it all that bit faster.
OldSoul86 Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 (edited) Yep, I have spoken to most of my friends and they all think that I made the right decision in following my intuitions. They're so nice about it, but I wonder how much of it is because I'm simply a friend and they have to be empathetic and how much of it is because they really saw it the way I saw it? He was such a nice guy, I really wished I could have made it work with him. It could partially be that they're being empathetic to you. What you need to remember is that no one has the power to validate your decision but yourself. You know deep inside that you made the right choice, you did what you needed to do. You need to learn the same lesson I'm learning right now - niceness and love aside, if there are incompatibilities, it won't work. Give your heart some time to catch up with your mind. Your mind processes things lightning quick, relative to your heart - which needs time. You're going to cycle through a lot of emotions. If it helps, I recommend making a list of things that made you and your ex incompatible. You can refer to it when you're feeling low - it is quite easy for your emotions to get the better of you, this is a way to keep you grounded in logic while your heart processes away. Never underestimate the power of a woman's intuition. If you were good to him, you have nothing to feel bad about. The challenge now is being patient, feeling those feelings as they come and go, and realizing that you have opened up a beautiful opportunity for both you and your ex. You can both go and find someone more suited for yourselves - and that frankly, is one of the most loving things you can do for a person, period. Edited June 25, 2015 by OldSoul86 Missed a word
Author xpaperxcutx Posted June 25, 2015 Author Posted June 25, 2015 Papercut you probably have made the right decision, i do think that emotionally you just arent there yet for another relationship its hard, especially after your mention of the 3 year ex that pops up. You probably havent fully recovered from that to be honest. Your emotions are up and down, sometimes youll see that splitting up was the best option, other times youll see it as the wrong choice. You are being influenced at least to an extent by your emotions, your friends wont be, so their input is valuable. The dreams are just your emotions they will eventually go, your mind is again processing the break up and depending on how well youve healed from other breakups itll do it all that bit faster. I feel really lonely. I don't know why but I feel like I have nobody with whom I can connect with. With him, I really enjoyed being with him, but at times I felt scared about what was going to happen. He was there but I also felt unfulfilled at times. Like you said, my emotions are up and down, and it's so weird how right now I'm just said.
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