joseb Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 4 days ago is a long time. Why is it not good enough for you? I'd be happy if I were you. He wasn't online 4 hours ago! I find you a little bit too demanding to be honest, together with your bday post Some guy will probably start a thread with "I just checked tinder for the first time in 4 days to see if my GF was using it and she was online 1 hours ago - I'm so upset, what should I do?" ! 3
h0000 Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 Some guy will probably start a thread with "I just checked tinder for the first time in 4 days to see if my GF was using it and she was online 1 hours ago - I'm so upset, what should I do?" ! LOL it's just tad stupid to log in just to check if someone is online.
kendahke Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 Don't be afraid of being demanding. Assert yourself. OP--Assert yourself when your relationship has the legs to support you being assertive. They aren't yet... and being assertive can come across as demanding, needy and clingy at the wrong time. Assert yourself when he broaches the subject of the two of you making things more official. He hasn't declared for you yet and he does have a right to take his time in coming to that conclusion--we all do.
Leigh 87 Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 LOL it's just tad stupid to log in just to check if someone is online. LOL It's a tad stupid how people settle for men who are less than crazy about them in my books. Dudes that go onto tinder and don't get their girl at least a small giftflr their birthdays just aren't smitten.
h0000 Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 (edited) LOL It's a tad stupid how people settle for men who are less than crazy about them in my books. Dudes that go onto tinder and don't get their girl at least a small giftflr their birthdays just aren't smitten. Or, some people just have a ridiculous idea about how their partner should act in relationships. Or in OP's case, not even a relationship yet. I agree with Kendahke. Their relationship simply hasn't blossomed to the point that she can expect him to do anything for her. I think the man is moving at a normal pace. She is probably moving at the rocket speed. She can go find a man who is just as enthusiastic, or she can calm down a little? Edited June 25, 2015 by h0000 3
joseb Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 LOL It's a tad stupid how people settle for men who are less than crazy about them in my books. Dudes that go onto tinder and don't get their girl at least a small giftflr their birthdays just aren't smitten. In a relationship - yes. After a couple of dates - if you are crazy about her, you are probably just crazy. 3
katiegrl Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 In a relationship - yes. After a couple of dates - if you are crazy about her, you are probably just crazy. joseb...perhaps you missed it, but they've been dating a month...and it's been more than a couple of dates... I really do applaud those women who would have no issue with this...the Tinder thing. I know for me personally, it would bother me. And as much as my intellectual mind would tell me it shouldn't.... if I were really into the guy, it would bother me. As I am sure if HE were really into me...and HE saw me perusing the Tinder ads after a month of some really fab dates...lots of making out, etc...it would bother him too. It's human nature...when you really dig someone. Would it be a dealbreaker? Not sure.
joseb Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 (edited) joseb...perhaps you missed it, but they've been dating a month...and it's been more than a couple of dates... I did - my bad. I still think you can say that they are both on Tinder, he may be on it for the same reason as her. Or maybe someone messaged him and he was just curious and read it. It's human nature, if you get a message notification and it's sitting on your phone, it's hard to ignore it. But coupled with the gift thing, yeah maybe he's not entirely smitten yet but I wouldn't say it's such a terrible thing. Edited June 25, 2015 by joseb 1
katiegrl Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 (edited) I did - my bad. I still think you can say that they are both on Tinder, he may be on it for the same reason as her. Or maybe someone messaged him and he was just curious and read it. It's human nature, if you get a message notification and it's sitting on your phone, it's hard to ignore it. But coupled with the gift thing, yeah maybe he's not entirely smitten yet but I wouldn't say it's such a terrible thing. Interestingly enough...there was a brand new thread just created (by a guy-Vintage79 if anyone is interested) about this exact same thing... except it's his girlfriend whom he discovered was still logging on... It works BOTH ways..... and again no matter how much our intellectual minds tell us not to let it bug us...when we are really into someone...it just does. Edited June 25, 2015 by katiegrl
h0000 Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 Interestingly enough...there was a brand new thread just created (by a guy-Vintage79 if anyone is interested) about this exact same thing... except it's his girlfriend whom he discovered was still logging on... It works BOTH ways..... and again no matter how much our intellectual minds tell us not to let it bug us...when we are really into someone...it just does. There is a difference between 5 months and 1 month. Plus OP's guy may have never logged on since 4 days ago while Vintage79's gf is still active.
katiegrl Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 (edited) There is a difference between 5 months and 1 month. Plus OP's guy may have never logged on since 4 days ago while Vintage79's gf is still active. I realize that hon....that's not the point. No matter how long you (generic you).... have been dating someone, one week, one month, one year or longer....when you find out the person you have been consistently dating and to whom you are very attracted...is still browsing the dating sites... it's disappointing, and in some cases hurtful....depending on how "into" them you are. Whether or not you have the "right" to be *mad* and confront is another story. If it's only been a few dates and there's been no discussion re dating only each other....then you probably don't have the right to be mad...but that does not mean you don't have the right to be disappointed about it. Are you suggesting she doesn't have the right to be disappointed? That she doesn't have the right to her own feelings? I hope not, because of course she has the right to her feelings....we all do! It's what she chooses to do with those feelings that matters..... At this point, I don't believe she has the right to be angry about it and confront him with it...he's done nothing *wrong* for her to be angry about. However, again she is still allowed to be disappointed.... she's really into the guy! Human nature...... Edited June 26, 2015 by katiegrl 1
h0000 Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 I realize that hon....that's not the point. No matter how long you (generic you).... have been dating someone, one week, one month, one year or longer....when you find out the person you have been consistently dating and to whom you are very attracted...is still browsing the dating sites... it's disappointing, and in some cases hurtful....depending on how "into" them you are. Whether or not you have the "right" to be *mad* and confront is another story. If it's only been a few dates and there's been no discussion re dating only each other....then you probably don't have the right to be mad...but that does not mean you don't have the right to be disappointed about it. Are you suggesting she doesn't have the right to be disappointed? That she doesn't have the right to her own feelings? I hope not, because of course she has the right to her feelings....we all do! It's what she chooses to do with those feelings that matters..... At this point, I don't believe she has the right to be angry about it and confront him with it...he's done nothing *wrong* for her to be angry about. However, again she is still allowed to be disappointed.... she's really into the guy! Human nature...... She can feel whatever she wants, yes. I just don't see why she would feel disappointed..Because I don't think browsing dating websites means he is definitely looking for other girls. Besides that was 4 days ago. I would actually interpreted it as "he decided to be exclusive with me 4 days ago" and feel very happy. Why do all of you see it as "he was still looking 4 days ago" and feel crappy?
almond Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 This seems pretty simple to me. Just tell him that you enjoy him both overall as well as physically, and would like to take it to the next step. Tell him you're not wanting to jump into a relationship after only one month, but that you are not comfortable with each other dating/sleeping with other people once you start having sex. Say that you'd like to see where this goes, but multi-dating is not your thing. It doesn't need to be scary or serious, or any sort of bf/gf commitment. It's just asking that you two focus on each other, and that he not be out banging other women once you two start having sex. If he thinks there is any potential, then he will gladly give up his hookups to see where this is headed. If he refuses, then better you know now before you get even more invested. Stop torturing yourself - just ask him. It's more than fine to not be comfortable with multi-dating!! Learn to be confident and state your needs. 2
almond Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 She can feel whatever she wants, yes. I just don't see why she would feel disappointed..Because I don't think browsing dating websites means he is definitely looking for other girls. Besides that was 4 days ago. I would actually interpreted it as "he decided to be exclusive with me 4 days ago" and feel very happy. Why do all of you see it as "he was still looking 4 days ago" and feel crappy? Lol, that's a pretty foolish interpretation in my opinion. You may not see why she feels upset over this, but that doesn't mean she is wrong to feel that way. She is uncomfortable with multi-dating, and has feelings for this guy so has obviously been impacted by the fact that he is still on Tinder. She has not voiced her concerns and tried to alter the situation so that she can feel comfortable, and is upset as a result. Seems pretty straightforward to me.
katiegrl Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 (edited) Lol, that's a pretty foolish interpretation in my opinion. . I agree......but I am not surprised h0000 interpreted it the way she did. I mean, based on her other threads, she's not exactly the best judge of a man's character or his actions...so her interpretation is par for the course IMO... It's great to think positively..... but not when it interferes with reality. Logging on to Tinder four days ago = decided to be exclusive four days ago? Really? Lol Edited June 26, 2015 by katiegrl
h0000 Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 Checking Tinder four days ago = decided to be exclusive four days ago? Really? Lol No, not 100% means that. But also not 100% means he is looking. It's really just a glass half full or half empty thing. If you think its stupid to think the glass is half full, then by all means, be sad and mope around. I just think if he was really looking, he'd be online 4 hours ago.
Halcyon Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 Seriously just talk to him already. I swear most people are masochistic when it comes to dating and relationships. They would rather torture themselves in silence than have a conversation. 1
katiegrl Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 ***No, not 100% means that.** But also not 100% means he is looking. It's really just a glass half full or half empty thing. If you think its stupid to think the glass is half full, then by all means, be sad and mope around. I just think if he was really looking, he'd be online 4 hours ago. Okay, but I was only repeating what you yourself stated in your post 62... But now you're saying it's not 100% that...so fair enough. And maybe you're right... but then again maybe you're not right. None of us know why he logged on...it's foolish to assume anything one way or the other. At some point, they will talk....and her questions will be answered and they can both move forward...hopefully together.
Lovelorn00 Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 Ugh. I’m going through this EXACT same thing, except with OkCupid. The guy I’ve been seeing for a month is still active on the site (almost daily), and it kinda sucks. We see each other often, on weekends, text every day, he initiates almost all of our dates and verbally tells me how much he's into me. Like you, we haven’t had sex yet (thank goodness). And like you, I have no desire (or energy, for that matter) to continue dating other people. It’s just exhausting. I’ve found that staying busy and attempting to stay realistic about the situation helps. It has only been a month, after all. And yes, this is kinda how OLD works, unfortunately. I had disabled my account, but I’m back on, just to distract myself with other prospects. Hopefully, this won’t be an issue in another month or two… for either of us.
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